Does this sound financially fair?

That's such a positive update. It's far better to get yourself in a calm place to make such a big decision.

Sending you a big hug @runningaway90

Same for me

Yes,very much this too !! He’s fighting for his own financial security at your expense.

Without you funding him he couldn’t afford to live there. He wants you to sign on the dotted line.
Is this your romantic partner OP ?

I've just spotted this which is on today at 12 noon, on Radio 4 consumer programme with phone in:

"On today's You and Yours, a report out today into the impact of financial abuse for women who hold joint mortgages, finds one in eight women are impacted in some way. We hear from one woman about her experience plus Sam Smethers from the charity Surviving Economic Abuse tells us why they're calling for a change in the law. "

May be of interest.

This is a relationship not a financial agreement…just a reminder.

He can’t fuck you over if you just refuse to sign anything.
You need a lawyer to ensure anything you sign is fair.

Take it from me. People like him never change so the question is do you want to continue in this business style relationship forever? You can do much better and have family support, you’re in a good position to leave

Agree with this.
Do not sit down with him to discuss it. He will pressurise and manipulate you and grind you down til you cave in and sign something which favours him.

Get advice from a lawyer before you sign anything.

I thought you had already spoken to a solicitor quite some time ago ?

I think there are some questions you need to ask yourself, and answer yourself honestly.

1. do you love him
2. do you see yourself being with him in a loving relationship in 5 / 10 / 25 / 50 years time
3. do you want to marry him
4. do you want to have children with him
5. do you want to live in this property
6. do you want to continue paying a higher % of the mortgage
7. does he love you
8. do you think or believe he sees himself being with you in a loving relationship in 5/10/20/50 years time
9. do you believe he will propose one day
10. do you think he wants to have children with you
11. will he ever accept you paying a different % of the mortgage
12. if you were on maternity leave, what % of the mortgage would he expect you to pay...
13. would he expect or want you to return to full time work if you were the mother of his children
14. what % of the nursery fees would he pay...

If you are in a committed relationship that is going to last, you do t need all of this. This is most definitely the exit. Because it should have been sorted at the beginning of it were any kind of issue. It’s an issue now because he knows it is over and that it is just a matter of time.
if the roof can wait a year…can it wait forever? What is the urgency?! It’s on him if he wants it done. From here on in 50/50 and the extra you were paying goes into a savings account for your exit - get your ducks in a row! x

I can't remember whether you both own the house as joint tenants with a joint mortgage - both names on the mortgage deed. The legalities of this can be a bit more complicated than first appears or what you might think he's talking about. I'm wondering if this document he has in mind is a deed of trust, which would reflect both your contributions and would protect what you have already contributed.

Here's a Which? article explaining about joint or tenants in common and what the deed of trust is:

"What is a deed of trust?
A deed of trust is a legal document that's also known as a 'declaration of trust'.
It can include details such as how much money each joint owner paid towards the property deposit, and what should happen to their money if:

• the relationship breaks down;
• one person is unable to pay their share of the mortgage; or
• you want to sell the property.

www.which.co.uk/money/mortgages-and-property/first-time-buyers/buying-a-home/joint-tenants-vs-tenants-in-common-aDZA73M2m9D8

At the moment his is panicking because he knows you legally own half the house and you are both equally liable for the mortgage. This is your leverage.

Absolutely NO sitting down together to discuss finances when he can bamboozle, confuse and bully you. He writes down the FACTS and figures of what he put in, what he has paid since and to whom. The same for you. Then the mortgage I refer as a shared equal costs, then what each have you contributed to the mortgage payments.

He will do anything to stop this being done fairly.

He wanted that house, without you he couldn't have purchased it.

Shut down any "you have benefited from me xyz" with "you wanted this house and only have it because of me and my contribution for the last X years" all that money you subsidised with him before too.

Get all your contributions together now and have it prepared, do the same got what you can of his also as he's hoping to browbeat you into agreeing by talking you in circles. If he ringfences his deposit and you continue to pay the higher amount you're also committing to the interest. Hes getting ducks in a row and will likely pull the rug as soon as you sign. If the mortgage is split fairly then you'd be able to save for a year towards the roof would you not? How is that an excuse for you to pay higher forever? Don't let him use stuff like this. If anything I'd be hearing alarm bells that he's preparing for a split and wants to shaft you. If anything I'd say no and split now and get what you're owed

Don't sit down together.

Tell him to email you his list over and you'll write down yours and send it back. So when he says he paid £5k for x you can include the £2.5k you paid him directly back for that and so on.

You can't do it with him breathing down your neck. You never "mediate" with your abuser.

Not if you already have the list of things you paid. You are going to have to sit down and look at numbers together. This is a good thing as there is no hiding from the facts. Sitting down and having all the calculations is not committing you in any legal sense. It is just getting the lay of the land on paper. From then on, you both need to hire solicitors who can draw an agreement which is fair to both parties.
Avoiding this conversation only prolongs status quo, unfortunately. I would also change your direct debit to only reflect 50% of the outgoings until the matter is resolved. He can't legally force you to pay any more than this. He can't even legally to force you to pay any of it.

You are right to refuse to sign on his terms. Insist on your own interests being reflected in it. He is determined to protect his favoured position, which isn't being fair to you. You would probably need to have a solicitor advising you on this and steering you on how to negotiate it, or alternatively, doing the negotiation.

Please don't beat yourself up op. You probably didn't feel relief bc it isn't resolved yet. A document could protect you both but obviously it need to be fair to both parties and you should talk to a lawyer. It sounds like both of you might be house poor.

It's a bit unclear. You say he wants to include the 2/3 you have been paying so it sounds to me as though this will be included to calculate your respective shares to date rather than you agreeing to pay the same amount going forward. Meaning that your share of the house should have grown accordingly and will be legally ringfenced going forward.
If he can't afford to pay half of the mortgage then he will need to sell the house he cannot afford to keep.
Please tell me you spoke to a solicitor about all of this. You don't have to leave or do anything but you do need some legal council.

Definitely a good idea not to sign anything.

I also wonder if he's using a similar tactic my ex used which is to steer away from the real issue (wanting to end the relationship) by bogging me down in conversations about other things that need a lot of thought like finances, division of chores, repairs etc. I'd then be tied up trying to fight my corner to try and find a fair resolution for whatever the issue was that I forgot about the real issue which was that the relationship made me unhappy.

I'm not sure if I've explained that well or if it makes any sense. I didn't realise it was happening at the time and it's only looking back that I can see it.

Well he can fuck off then.

Have you seen all of this in writing from him and is it correct?

You need everything written down and triple check it's correct. Including the interest charges and mortgage payments.

That gives you the basis for how much he pays you to buy you out. He's helping get your ducks in a row.

He is now saying that his money is ringfenced AND you have to pay 2/3 mortgage forever. Absolute piss poor joke.

It is very hard to leave such an abusive person.

An interim response to him is "I'll think about on the condition we split the mortgage 50:50 from this month".

It lets him know you aren't going to be a push over.

You need a very very long and detailed list of everything you have spent on the house. The interest charges on the mortgage which need to be split 50:50 and how much each of you has contributed to the mortgage.

Then it gets ringfenced according to what each of you has contributed to date. Suddenly he will not be so keen to sign I'm sure. This would at least look like agreeing the split without going to court.

Another thing to say to buy you time is "I'll need independent legal advice before I sign anything".

Ask him to put in writing everything he has spent on the house less any monies you gave direct to him towards it. Let him do the ground work.