Excluding a friend?

F2's reaction to the situation is that her child did no wrong, it's all lies, she's just jealous. Why would a mother take her child out of school because she is jealous?! All cop out responses which don't answer the question why. She is upset that her child has been accused, but how about addressing the issue rather than completely ignoring it. Has she actually parented her child in response to their bullying?

You are focused on the loss of your group as opposed to being there for your friends. You are actively encouraging f1 to make the steps to fix your group mainly for your own benefit not for f1s as it's clear that f2 has not reflected or is willing to see the issues in her household.

I hope f1 leaves and finds some decent supportive mums in the new school.

Shouldnt have

So she should t Jane said anything about friend 2s son bullying her own son, is that what you are saying?

Friend 2 sounds as much of a bully as their child. No idea why you seem to have taken their side.

So basically F2's child bullied F1's child to such an extreme extent the only solution was to remove them from school. F2 then bullies F1 to such an extent she's effectively removed from a friendship group. You've sided with F2 to bully F1. Nasty pieces of work all round. F1 is better off without you. You are deeply unpleasant yourself.

Did F1 confront F2 about the bullying on your WhatsApp group? Or privately? Had it been taken to school first?

Not taking sides usually is taking sides. All those bystanders watching whilst somebody is getting bullied? They’re taking the side of the bully.

but you’re not even an outsider! You’re actively participating. Your participation is what makes the exclusion of friend 1 possible.

Is friend 2 actually more upset or is friend two simply louder?

Friend 1 tried to stay friends but left after some sort of confrontation with friend 2. Isn’t it obvious that friend 1 must be very upset and or hurt??

friend 1’s child was bullied badly enough to change school. Who wouldn’t be upset about this??

friend 1 tried to stay friends. Friend 1 is still trying to include friend 2.
and now friend 1 has found out that you were essentially facilitating her exclusion?? Which is a form of bullying and precisely what friend 2 tried to excuse as “normal playing round stuff”?

I feel sorry for friend 1! friend 2 sounds awful.

F1 has been considerate and lovely, and F2 has been gossipy and manipulative.

I think you really need to consider what kind of friends you want to have.

Stephanie Plum would NEVER.

Friend 2 sounds like a top manipulator who has got you exactly where she wants you. Feel very sorry for friend 1. No one would move their child in year 6 without really good reason.

Perfect analogy

Friend 2 is a bully, manipulating and the Queen Bee and you are pandering to her excluding friend 1 who appears to be very reasonable.
Are you all afraid of friend 2?
Don’t want to upset her because it could be you facing her wrath next?
You really need to give your head a wobble and stand up for friend 1 who has gone through some very upsetting stuff with her child without the proper support from her friends.

I don't like the sound of friend B.

It seems friend 1 knew what would happen when she stood up for her child and is desperately trying to hold onto the friendship.

Friend 2 sounds genuinely awful.

Yep this poster was likely the bully at school just doesnt realise it.

Ok, so F2 is the queen bee. It's like in bloody Motherland, you're the Anne to her Amanda. You need to recognise that F2 is a manipulative cowbag!

year 6 kids are absolutely able to be hideous arseholes. The worst know exactly what they’re doing. The response of “no more than normal playground stuff” is grotesque. There should be no “normal” playground exclusion or horribleness - the fact your friend 2 accepts this as a response shows she is a selfish person. Ask her if she suffered real bullying at school because if eager she hasn’t based on that response.

glad your friend 1’s son is happier in his new school.

btw think about this conversation and how reminiscent of kid bullying this is - as adults you shouldn’t need a poll to tell you excluding anyone is not ok.

your friend 2 needs to stop victim blaming - even if her kids wasn’t the worst of the bullies he’s still a bully.

oh and ps if friend 2’s son WASN’T a bully, he’d have said Yes the boy is being bullied. He wouldn’t have friend to downplay it/wriggle out of it by saying it was just “normal” playground stuff.

So you've decided F2s dc hasn't done anything wrong even though you don't know these people.

How about looking at facts rather than basing your assessment on some unrelated story

A) people don't move their child in year 6 unless they are very sure there is a problem
B) the school and F2 spoke to F2s child about excluding people
C) F2 is the Queen B of the school

Its far more likely F2s dc is a bully because they've learnt it from their parent. Even the OPs description of the two parents paints F2 in a bad light and F1 as a calm quiet person.

Is that you F2? You are literally the only person taking your position

Friend 2 is acting like a bit of a child so I'd treat her that way and say something along the lines of

F2 look there clearly has been issues between x and y and it has caused this rift between you and f1. F1 is prepared to put it to bed and move on. At some point we as parents have to step back and allow are kids to be friends or not be as they will. None of us know all the ins and outs of why x and y fell out. Or where the fault lies. And it is what it is, Two kids falling out. I don’t think badly of x or of y about it. Nor do any of us. X has moved schools and so there won’t be any further ongoing issues. The kids can be friends or not but that is outside of our friendship as adults.
So with that being said let’s all just move on. None of us want to exclude you or for you to feel excluded nor do we want to exclude f1. So we will continue to include you both going forward.
We have decided to do A next week what time works best for you?

Kind of making it sound like it's a done deal that you're all going to remain civil and get along and not exclude anyone. Or take sides.

When DS kids was in primary I had a similar situation - F1 confronted F2 about F2DS bullying F1DS. They fell out and never spoke again. I asked my DS and he said it was six of one and half a dozen of the other. Not bullying, they just didn’t get along.

How sure are you F2 child was bullying F1 child? I think you said the school had a word but not more, as they hadn’t actually witnessed any bullying? So possibly F1 and F1 child have made a massive drama out of a minor playground spat and now F2 is really upset and feels uncomfortable socialising with F1 - who btw sounds pretty assertive and maybe a bit self righteous?

I would see F2 separately to show support to a friend who is upset and hasn’t really done anything wrong.

The more I read off your updates the more I can see exactly the kind of character F2 is - and I can see why her child is a bully.

You have a WhatsApp group already in place without F2 but with F1, just switch to using that. I think F2 needs a taste of her own medicine 🤬

And do you seriously think she would move her year 6 child to a different school if she wasn’t being bullied?

I would dump F2, she’s a bully, only interested in herself.

Sounds like you’ve sided with friend 2 which was the wrong decision IMO.

Shes fallen out with friend 1 calling her and her DD a liar because they claimed her DD was a bully. F2 sounds like a bully herself.

Invite them both to events and if F2 doesn’t want to go that’s her choice but why should F1 be excluded because her DD was being bullied?

Also put yourself in F1s shoes and imagine it was your DC being bullied by one of your friends DC. You’d be so upset to be called a liar. It’s not F1 who needs to apologise it’s F2.

And don't try to make F1 fix this. She's not the issue here