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AIBU?

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Original poster

Excluding a friend?

432 replies

StephPlum · 20/02/2024 13:16

In the last few years my friendship group has settled into a nice little group of 5.
We have a WhatsApp that's busy with chat and support and we often get together with or without families. Husbands all get along too.
Before Xmas friend 1 told friend 2 that she's moving her child to a new school because of bullying that friend 2's child was involved in. Friend 1 insisted she didn't want to fall out, but friend 2 was upset, said it was all liesbso they had words and friend 1 left the WhatsApp.
Friend 1 has kept in touch with everyone except friend 2. When sending invites to stuff friend 1 includes everyone (Inc. Friend 2, who won't join in).
Friend 2 won't join anything that friend 1 is involved in. So we've had a few get together with just friend 2.
Friend 1 found out about this and is really upset. She thinks they should both be included in everything, and that we are actually preventing a reconciliation by enabling friend 2 to just leave her out. She left the WhatsApp group herself but is now feeling excluded.
If we didn't do anything with friend 2 separately she wouldn't see any of us.
Aibu to leave out friend 1 sometimes?

OP posts:
Original poster
StephPlum · 20/02/2024 13:30

ancienticecream · 20/02/2024 13:24

I agree with @Kinneddar . She's moved her child to a different school because of the bullying, and now she's being excluded from events.

How involved was Friend 2's child in the bullying? Can't their relationship - both mum's and children's - be worked on outside of the school, or is that a non-starter?

Friend 2 says she spoke to her child about leaving out Friend 1s child but that it was no more than normal playground stuff (they are year 6). She said school spoke to them all but haven't observed it themselves. She essentially said Friend one and her child have made it all up, said Friend 1s child is a tell tale type of kid.
Friend 1 won't get into it much but said school separated them as much as possible after it was reported. She said it deeply affected her child and schools response was only to move her child away as much as possible. She says her child is happier in the new place.
I think Friend 1 was hopeful the kids could have a better relationship with each other away from school.

OP posts:
Original poster
StephPlum · 20/02/2024 13:25

amiold · 20/02/2024 13:18

There should be one event. Invite both, if they don't come there excluding themselves.

Is it their kids in school or them?

Yup, I said the same to our other friends. The problem is resolved, ones moved schools they are being ridiculous.
To be fair, if I was friend one I would have kept quiet but friend 2 is genuinely really much more upset than friend 1

OP posts:
workshy46 · 20/02/2024 13:24

I agree, Friend 1 is getting the raw deal here. Here child was bullied so badly by friend 2's son that he had to move school, she is prepared to not let it affect the friendship but friend 2 is not and acting like the injured party. Apples and trees spring to mind, cannot believe you are excluding friend 1.
V v v bad form

ancienticecream · 20/02/2024 13:24

I agree with @Kinneddar . She's moved her child to a different school because of the bullying, and now she's being excluded from events.

How involved was Friend 2's child in the bullying? Can't their relationship - both mum's and children's - be worked on outside of the school, or is that a non-starter?

Kinneddar · 20/02/2024 13:22

I'd invite both of them to everything just as you used to do. Then it's up to them if they come or not. You should be staying neutral

I think you're being really unfair to friend 1. Her son had to move school because friend 2s son was bullying and now she's being excluded from nights out. That's not fair. I'd be really hurt if I was her

amiold · 20/02/2024 13:18

They're*

amiold · 20/02/2024 13:18

There should be one event. Invite both, if they don't come there excluding themselves.

Is it their kids in school or them?