Excluding a friend?

This is baffling.

1. Friend 1 decided to move her year 6 child to a different school. Moving schools in the last year of primary seems a last resort and very disruptive for the child.
2. Friend 1 explained to friend 2 why she has done so (fair) and also explained she doesn't want to fall out over it (also fair).
3. Friend 1 has left the WhatsApp group because of friend 2's reaction to the previous point.
4. Friend 1 stands by what she has said and still doesn't exclude friend 2.

1. Friend 2 gets upset because you all went to something friend 1 invited you all to and she chose to not go.

If you cannot see how manipulative friend 2 is being then you are blind. Friend 2 is only crying because she isn't being pandered to. I can totally see how, with that as a role model, her son ended up siding with bullies.

Nothing friend 1 has done is unacceptable. She has been factual, kind and inclusive.

If my child was being bullied by a friend's child and talking didn't work and got to the pont moving schools was suggested, its obviously not nothing. I can't say I would want to talk to her either as you see the suffering your child has gone through. No-one moves their child in Yr 6 when it's such an important year.

I think it is very odd to side with friend 2 so much but maybe its because your child isn't the one suffering from bullying and if you are all friend's because your children are, it won't be long before high school and there is bitchiness and hope your don't find yourself in that position.

The important thing is for the adults to have grown up adult relationships, unaffected by children being children. The kids are young and just learning so there will always be evolving dynamics but the adults should know better and behave maturely

You sound like you've pretty clearly sided with Friend 2 OP, because she's 'so upset.' Friend 1 seems to actually be the victim here, not friend 2, I'm not sure that the group is sustainable in the future.

Friend 2 is being ridiculous and you’re all pandering to her. If this is the example her child’s had I wouldn’t be surprised that the child was involved in bullying. I feel for Friend 1, but hopefully she finds some better friends for her kid and herself.

I appreciate that, your motives are clearly well intentioned in all of this. But ultimately YOU can't fix this situation. All you can do is try to be fair to both parties and not take sides (unfortunately at the moment it does look like you are favouring Friend 2, as the majority of posters think).

I would do exactly as @DodgeDog suggests and just ask everyone to everything. If Friend 2 can't cope with this, then sadly that's on her.

@StephPlum If it was me I would have kept quiet really. I don't really understand why she had to tell friend 2 at all
Huh? Kept quiet about friend 2s child bullying theirs? Are you nuts? Of course friend 1 should speak out. Bullies need to be called out and their parents need to know what they are doing.

It's difficult waters for the parents to navigate. Bullying is not necessarily always very clear cut though it must have been going on a long time to move schools.
I think it is probably somewhat naive of friend one to have suggested that friends child was the reason for moving schools and expect to remain friends no matter how true it may be. I doubt there is any way back to be honest and it would probably have drifted a bit with them going to secondary soon anyway.

Would you behave differently from friend 1 if it were your child being bullied?

People don't move schools for normal friendship issues. Do you have any idea how disruptive it is moving schools? And the risk of making new friends etc. no one would do that. Friend 2 has turned it into being all about her. Typical mother of a bully. Not hard to understand where the child learned their behaviour from.

Friend 1 has even chosen to put it behind them. Friend 1 sounds amazing. Friend 2 not so much. Please do not pander to friend 2.

I think meeting friend 2 1:1 is ok but as a group you should include both and not leave friend 1 out.

Of course friend 2 should know what her child has done so she can address it at home (from experience, schools can be appallingly bad at dealing with bullying).

And op is still trying to justify this.

Clear as day what's happening.

And this surprises you? Friend 2 is being petty as fuck. She’s an adult. These things can be resolved. But friend 2 has chosen the immature “waaaa she’s not my friend anymore” route.

The alternative is you always include friend 1. She is not in the wrong at all. If friend 2 can't cope with being around friend 1 too bad on friend 2. Why does she expect you all to bully friend 1.

Friend 2 is still bullying friend 1 and her child

Personally I’d add friend 1 to the WhatsApp group and ignore the commotion, invite both to everything and let them sort it out between them

So you have taken a side OP.

You obviously think friend 1 has caused the problems in the friendship by not “keeping quiet”, despite friend 1’s child being the victim in this?

The actual problem has been caused by friend 2’s child and by extension their parent, who has not only allowed their child to bully another so severely that they were forced to move schools, but now also blamed the victim and their mother for this falling out.

Presumably friend 1 thought that since they were friends with the other child’s parent, they would be able to have a rational discussion with them and hopefully resolve the issue. Friend 2 has instead decided to escalate things by calling them and their child a liar and now is trying to oust them from the friendship group. With friends like this who needs enemies!

Have you got a child at either of the schools? Are/were the children all friends?
Do you have any view about the bullying?

You are either friend 2 or you are taking friend 2's side.

You seem to think friend 1 should be the one making allowances for friend 2's child being a bully and that friend 2 is the one being wronged here. You are excluding friend 1 (isn't that bullying her now). She says both should be included. If friend 2 is so embarrassed (rightly) that her child is a bully that she can't look friend 1 in the eye that's on her.

If you are not friend 2 then stop pandering to her and her request to bully friend 1 by leaving friend 1 out.

Does sound like your sympathies lie with friend 2, not sure why unless there is a drip feed coming. Why would you expect friend 1 to keep quiet about the reason for changing schools, and who was involved, that seems unreasonable? Why would you expect her to make more effort when it sounds like she has been already inviting friend 1 to things and it’s friend 2 excluding herself from anything friend 1 is involved in. And why does friend 2 being visibly more upset mean that she’s entitled to more sympathy than friend 1 whose child had to move schools? Seems overly simplistic at best.

You honestly think she should have kept quiet about her friend’s child’s involvement in bullying which was so bad she had to move her child to a different school???

Just because it’s disrupted your nice little friendship group?

I’d really be thinking about your priorities, OP.