Excluding a friend?

Reading your posts F2 reads like a bit of a bully. She's pushing you to do as she pleases.

I feel sorry for F1 who didn't do anything wrong in the first place.

I would invite both to group events. And see them both individually,

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it?

F2's son is literally copying her behaviour, she has done to F1 what her child did to F1's child and you and the rest of your 'friends' are going along with it.

So to summarise:

Friend 1 has a child who has been bullied either directly or indirectly by Friend 2's child.

The bullying got to the stage where Friend 1 had to mover her child to another school in order for her to be happy and confident again.

Friend 1 tells Friend 2 that her child had some level of involvement, which Friend 2 KNOWS is true because she spoke to her child about not excluding Friend 1's child.

Friend 2 then calls Friend 1 and her child liars and her sweet angel would NEVER. Friend 2 also boohoos to the rest of the group about how awful Friend 1 is.

Despite ALL OF THIS, Friend 1 still wants to reconcile with Friend 2 and STILL INVITES HER TO THINGS. But Friend 2 refuses and continues boohooing about how mean and nasty Friend 1 is.

And by your actions, you've sided with Friend 2. Whether you meant it or not, that's what you've done. I'd send Friend 2 a message basically relling her that Friend 1 is going to be invited to future gatherings, Friend 2 is also very welcome to join but you will expect her to be an actual adult about it and at least be polite to Friend 1. Then it's all on her - quite frankly Friend 2 sounds like she needs to grow up and get over it.

I was Friend 1 in this situation (although it was a wider friendship group and I did not try to discuss it with Friend 2 after she dismissed it as "boys will be boys" following the headteacher calling her in for a meeting about her bully child). I simply quietly withdrew and I am not longer part of that friendship circle as it was clear that the others did not wish to rock the boat. It was simply unfair for me to expect my child to have to socialize with the bully child outwith the school setting when bully child's behaviour was going unchecked. Initially I was disappointed that the others did not offer any support at all, subsequently a few did after they heard the full extent of the bullying from other sources but, by that time, it was clear that it was Friend 2's group.

If you value Friend 1 then please let her know and treat her well as it sounds like she has valued your group

Sorry OP, it really does come across that you are more concerned with F2’s reactions than what F1 and her child went through, a good parent wouldn’t say such awful things about a child, she just doesn’t want to admit that her own child has been unkind so she being very defensive.
Personally I think you should always invite both to any events you arrange so it’s always fair, it’s up to them to attend or not.

I am glad you are actually seeing the light @StephPlum , so many OPs stick to their original stance whatever posters say and you wonder why the hell they bothered to do a thread.

Hopefully now you can see how you are all pandering to Queen Bee who has had NO change in her kid's schooling despite her child being a bully.

She has had NO CHANGE in her friendship group apart from managing to have F1 sidelined by you all by giving an ultimatum.

You sound very scared of being the next one in line to be sidelined if you dare to tell her she is wrong.

Please stop pandering to and enabling this silly, bullying woman who has bull-dozed her way to the top by threats and tantrums.

For friend 1 to take the step of moving her child to a different school the bullying must have been quite serious. Sorry I feel sorry for friend 1. Friend 2 sounds like a drama queen who has totally minimised her child's behaviour.

Unfortunately some parents find it incredibly difficult to accept there "darlings" would bully. I have had to pull back from a small group of mums because one of the mums children have been bullying my child. Everyone except the mum and this small group of mums who are friends know these kids are nasty bullies and cause endless trouble in school. It doesn't bother me as we were not close friends but I feel sorry for your "friend".

How could you not have seen this at the time? Are you myopic to the point of visual impairment?! You're giving the squeaky wheel allll the grease and being a shit friend to boot.

How would you feel about friend 2 if it had been your child that had to move schools in yr 6 because of friend 2’s child? Would you still want to socialise with her?

Didn’t think so.

Jeez, there's a lot of melodrama here. I don't see why you can't just continue to see each of them separately. Be honest with each of them and say that while you understand if they don't want to socialize with each other, the other 3 of you want to remain friends with both so they will just have to deal with you doing separate nights out like you have been. No-one's been excluded as you're continuing to do stuff with both of them. They both sound like drama llamas tbh.

Honestly sounds like you are all a bunch of teenagers. especially friend 2 who seems like head mean girl who has you all under control through manipulation.
Friend 1 is better to move on with her other friends and forget about you all and leave you to it.

PS I think you’re friend 2.

Indeed.

She should stick to her other friends!

Aibu to leave out friend 1 sometimes?🙄

I hope this is made up. Otherwise you and your friends are awful. F2 is an absolute arsehole. I agree with PPs that I hope F1 finds a much nicer group of people to hang around with.

F2 is a nasty piece of work and you’re a bunch of suck-ups, frankly.

I hope F1 tells you all to F off, she’s better without you all.

It's this.

Why are you pandering to friend 2 and allowing this shitty behaviour from her and her child?

Friend 1 literally moved her child's school to get away from friend 2s child and you're all leaving friend 1 out? Shocking op.

All of you but friend 1 are bitches.

I would honestly bin off friend 2. She has played you all like a fiddle and friend 1 has tried to build bridges when quite frankly she shouldn't have to. It seems the child of friend 2 didn't fall far from the tree and you are too blind to see all the manipulation, bullying and ultimatums.

I feel for friend 1 in all this, I hope she goes out with other good/true friends and leaves you all behind.

OP, I hope all this feedback motivates you to reach out to Friend 1 at least. Be open and honest about how you had completely missed how upset she much have been, and give her due credit for her attempts to handle it all maturely. She may appreciate it.

Honestly you’re a shit friend and you and the group of bullies (that’s you, the others and friend 2), deserve each other.

hope friend 1 makes nicer friends at her son’s new school. Imagine being kicked out of a friendship group because your child is being bullied.

These types of exclusive, cliquey friendship groups always end in tears

If F1 was weeping and wailing, op would be wishing she'd shut up because F2 might hear and get so, so upset.

All of this!!

@StephPlum whether you like it or not! You are not a great friend. Does F1 have to be sat rocking and crying in a corner for you to use an ounce of sense and surmise that she might just be a tad upset by this whole situation and that her child has probably been devastated (being bullied then moving schools in year 6 - which is a massive deal!!). F1 then still has the decency to try and be mature in her adult friendship group and still invite F2 to things! But NO drama queen F2 has made this all about her and has you all rallying around her! He child will end up being a nightmare queen bee too!

wtf have I read! You are F2 aren’t you!??? - do better!

OP I can assure you of one thing. Being friends with a Queen B who manipulates the way friend 2 does will ultimately leave you hurt and lonely and bitter. They are a force if destruction and there will come a time when you are the target.

I'm starting to think OP is friend 2.

Either that or she's scared of her.

I wish people would use Annie, Beckie, Carrie(or other ABC names) etc instead of friend A, friend B Friend 1, 2 etc!! Makes it easier to follow imo.

Anyway sorry for the rant above but as for this situation friend 2 is playing you like a fiddle. She's accusing friend 1 and child of being liars and trying to manipulate the rest of the group to shut out friend 1. Classic bullying behavior hidden behind a tear-streaked smokescreen.

Unless you suspect friend 1 of lying might be better to step back from the mess. I'd ask the rest of the group to clearly express to both of them that will both be invited to all events and expected to act like the adults they are or not attend. Then do not tolerate and openly air it either of them tries to influence parts of the group not to include the other (guaranteed this will be friend 2)