Excluding a friend?

Hi @StephPlum it’s been over 2 years since your post. What’s the situation now?

In this situation I'm always F1, and I'm marvelling at how easily manipulated by bullies you all are as I walk away.

Honestly this sounds like something my 8 year old would say when she came home from school having had a playground spat!

From reading all your posts, I don’t think you actually have the maturity to actually sort this out.

What a disgusting attitude.
So just because f1 is kinder and more reasonable you treat her like crap and leave her out and pander to f2? f2 sounds like a bully herself, and you sound like her side-kick backing her up. You seem to have Faux concern for f1 because all of your posts have shown you are more sympathetic to f2.
If I were f1 I would drop the lot of you because none of you have backed her or shown her any solidarity.

F2 is obviously a bully. It's no wonder her child is too. Two years FFS?! That's pretty systematic and intentional. F1 handled it properly by going through the school, as is often advised here.

Bullies are vile, disgusting creatures. Your continued support and friendship with F2, whilst treating F1 (the victim!) badly shows that you, too, are a bully. Birds of a feather flock together.

I'm flummoxed as to why F1 (still) wants anything to do with any of you.

The fact F1 has friends outside the group, whilst F2 doesn't, speaks volumes in itself. It's probably not the first time F2 has burnt bridges through her bullying, manipulation, and self centred hysterics.

People outside the group - who have the emotional intelligence to see the bigger picture - will be judging you and the other "friends" for the way you're treating F1, and will, quite rightly, draw the same conclusion as most of the posters here.

Because being friends with Friend 2 feels more convenient. Which is a frankly terrible reason. As I‘ve already said, Friends 2 to 5 need to break up as they are not encouraging each other to be their best selves.

Other friends are available.

@StephPlum this is exactly it.

So from your posts @StephPlum most of the events are organised by f2. You’ll have to take over and organise meet ups from now so f1 can be included in it. It seems f1 will
be excluded from a lot of things of the reigns are with f2. I hope you’ve realised you made lots of excuses for f2 like she was more upset just because she’s vocal about it doesn’t make it upset. If I was f1 and read your comment about why did f1 have to mention to f2 about the bullying and should have just kept quiet you’d be getting the boot as from what you said you don’t seem to be a friend to F1.

You seem very biased towards friend 2, it's pretty obvious who is in the wrong here. What is there to see from friends 2 side? She should be ashamed and apologetic. Poor friend 1 having to change schools for her child. You all sound like horrible people

Why can't you just be a decent person and support F1? They way you keep making excuses for F2 is pretty appalling tbh. You are probably cauing F1 even more stress with this pressure. Have some empathy for F1

@StephPlum

Thank you. It is a living nightmare.
Your F2 is in the wrong and she will know that.
Appalling behaviour, no wonder her kid is a bully.

@pokebowls
I know. It has been horrific and it isn't over.
My child sent a text basically saying goodbye to his friend.
He's 11 years old.
Crisis team involved now because of that.
They do learn from their parents, and people have very short memories. I bent over backwards to help my ex friend and my DS sat with his ex friend when he was being bullied at junior school, every single day for weeks on end.
And he's repaid line this.
I'm absolutely disgusted with all who've done this and turned against him.

@StephPlum
I am the mum of a child who's being chronically bullied.
I've not said anything, it was reported by witnesses who saw the repeated verbal and physical attacks on my DS, I didn't report it until I had all the facts and school were already aware.
Even though it's all on CCTV, mt child and I are the bad guys in the eyes of the parents of the bullies so I am totally with F1 on this.
To then exclude her when she's already feeling so low is awful.
My ex friend fell out with me because her bully of a child was sanctioned by school.
I did nothing wrong, neither did my child.
Yet we're the bad guys! 🤷‍♀️
So I'm like F1. And believe me, it is not nice.
If F1 says her child was being bullied to the extent they had no choice but to move schools, I'd take that very seriously, as that's a last resort.
To pander to F2, imo, is just not right - she needs to own what her child has done, not be allowed to wallow in her self made pity party.
Just my op, given I am in the situation you're F1 is in.

Be the organiser.

If I were F1 I would need you to take some accountability for how poorly you have treated her in your efforts to avoid upsetting F2, and if you apologised it sounds like you have started to do that.

At some point I think you need to consider the value of a friendship with F2 full stop. Someone who would manipulate you to hurt someone else.

But if you have at least dropped the "I've been trying to encourage friend 1 to make more of an effort to resolve things" approach from your original posts you are no longer actively punishing her for something out of her control.

Take the lead and organise more things, OP!

@StephPlum

I haven't wanted to fall out with either of them but in order for that to happen I've had be much more cautious with f2 and hurt f1.
In order to be neutral, that'll upset f2.
So you yourself admit you have not been neutral and you have chosen to be more cautious with F2 thereby upsetting F1
Can you explain why you are so desperate not to upset F2 but so willing to upset F1 even to the extent that you are not only not being neutral but being extra cautious first F2s sake?
Why is it easier for you to upset F1 even when F2 is the one being difficult?

"No I'm not, just trying hard to see things from both sides."

@StephPlum you say you're trying to see things from both sides. You really aren't.

And you're also not listening to what the majority of posters are saying. You're clearly in awe of F2 or scared of her and are cow-towing to her demands and falling for her dramatics. At least just own it!

So typical. The parents of the bully act all hostile and snub the victim's parents instead of apologising and showing remorse. It's no surprise why the kid turns out a bully. They are getting appalling lessons on how to live from their parents.

My DS is being bullied badly by his ex BF and a few others who've all ganged together with the sole aim to make my DS's life a misery.
He's heartbroken, and if it carries on, the next step is total expulsion for those who are bullying my child.
The mother of one of them was (or so I thought) a good friend.
She had not been in contact for months.
I didn't report her child, nether did my DS. Others who witnessed events reported it all.
Yet somehow it's mine and DS's fault 🙄
Said she'd always be there for me, like I have been for her (done all sorts for her), but the minute we need something, she's off and blanking me.
Amazing really, they're at fault yet are ignoring us!
Some people take the proverbial.
I'm done with her, and her child after what they've done.
True colours and all that.
My life is definitely calmer and less dramatic without them in it.
I know of a few who believe her crap, but I honestly don't care.
School have everything on CCTV, so she can't deny what her darling little BLEEP has done.

From reading between the lines - for all your stating you do not want to take sides - you've taken side of friend 2 simple as.

And friend 2 has orchestrated the situation where the friend group are now all turning on friend 1 because of this - you're booking stuff just with friend 2 and excluding friend 1! Absolutely not.

You're facilitating the bullying of friend 1; friend 2 sounds like an absolute peach.