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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that most company menopause policies are an absolute joke?

260 replies

JenniferAnistonsHair2023 · 04/10/2023 18:29

I work for a FTSE100 firm, been there a long time. No historical performance issues. Mid 50s, senior role, quite high pressure.

At the start of this year I went down to 4 days in an attempt to slow down a little. I'm menopausal, anxious, permanently tired (insomnia) - you get the picture. On HRT which has helped but doesn't turn you back into the person you were when you were 30.

My last performance review I was pretty much told I'm underperforming. This came as a shock to me as I'm managing a full time workload in 4 days. Was given some areas to focus on which I'm trying my hardest to do, but part of me thinks I'm just not good enough any more.

Decide to contact HR today to discuss what constitutes 'reasonable adjustments' to my role because of menopause symptoms. (We have a policy published on our intranet). HR helpline pretty much just told me that I need to work things out with my manager. Made the point that my manager was the problem and I didn't feel comfortable discussing menopause with a 50 something male with no training on the matter. Still get a 'computer says no' response.

I mean, what's the fucking point of having a policy? I'm losing the will to live. On top of all that I'm asked to do a day of meetings which involves 3 hours of travelling either side next week, with no opportunity to take any of that time back. I refused on the basis that there was a dial-in option and that I wasn't willing to go massively over my 28 hours for the week (there are times when I have to travel when f2f is the only option and that's fine, I suck it up).

AIBU? Has anyone got experience of a workplace where they have a better menopause policy so that I can consider applying?!

OP posts:
SisterMichaelsHabit · 04/10/2023 21:53

So many people are missing the point. The OP was offered something as part of her employment package that she is now not being given when she's asked for it.

Pleasebeafleabite · 04/10/2023 21:52

Tara24 · 04/10/2023 21:15

I hate all this menopause obsession. Why on earth do you need to have a policy to deal with a perfectly normal biological process ? It's a sure fire way to make women even more a target of discrimination in the work place.

I'm 50 and work full time. Sure, tired from insomnia , but no more so than the young parents I work with. Why can't age and experience be seen as a positive thing ? Why can't being in our fifties be seen as when our experience shines through? But instead you want a snowflake policy and to whinge about 'slowing down" like you're 80. Ugh.

Come back in another five years. Possibly whilst blessed with sciatica from sitting in an office chair full time for 35 years and see whether slowing down is more appealing then.

OP see you on the menopause topic - the ageism is doing its usual over here

KissKiss29 · 04/10/2023 21:50

Menopause can be so awful for some women. People really do not have a clue as to how debilitating it can be for some women. I hope you get some adjustments made OP. Explain your symptoms and back this up with a doctor's note.

Janieforever · 04/10/2023 21:49

SisterMichaelsHabit · 04/10/2023 21:43

I think this exemplifies why employers need to stop writing bullshit trendy-sounding "policies" they have no intention of following through on.

OP are you in a union and if not can you join one? This sounds like something you're going to need to robustly challenge. Effectively (regardless of whether a menopause adjustment policy is silly or not because that's actually irrelevant here) your employer offered you a thing and when you took them up on it, they blustered and bullshitted because they've no intention of giving you the thing they offered in writing.

That sounds like union territory. If you're not in an industry specific one I recommend joining Unite. They offer comprehensive legal advice. They also give you extra sick pay which it sounds like you might need if your symptoms are that bad.

nonsense. Reasonable adjustments will differ by person due to their symptoms. No policy can define that, just like a reasonable adjustment for disability doesn’t. The indivual needs to request and explain what reasonable adjustments they need and why. Not just ask for some and not say what they are. No union will support that.

CircleWithin · 04/10/2023 21:49

Some menopausal symptoms for some women DO meet the definition of 'disability' in the Equality Act, for example severe anxiety. As such, there's a legal requirement to make reasonable adjustments.

The reality is that without these adjustments some women drop out of the workforce altogether.

It's hardly setting women back to acknowledge this. Surely it's better to make it possible for women to stay in work rather than let them drop out entirely.

Original poster
JenniferAnistonsHair2023 · 04/10/2023 21:49

Tara24 · 04/10/2023 21:46

@UncleOrinocosFlow I'm sorry you had that experience, but that's not a normal part of menopause. You were presumably able to get signed off sick as you would for a mental health criss under any other circumstance. You do not need a menopause policy for that. I just think all this rhetoric about how awful menopause is and how much you fall apart is incredibly damaging for women.

So what's the alternative? Those of us who are having an awful time just pretend that everything is rosy and push on through?

Something tells me you're not posting from a position of knowledge.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 04/10/2023 21:48

As soon as you said you'd been there a long time I thought that's it. You really will find it difficult to get the result you want. Look into moving jobs you may find you're actually underpaid for your skill set.

MsFogi · 04/10/2023 21:48

I don't have a view on menopause policies but I do think that employers need to get menopause covered under their health insurance policies, there are so many carve outs for anything relating to having been pregnant in the past/ageing/menopause it makes medical insurance a joke for women over 45.

Janieforever · 04/10/2023 21:48

JenniferAnistonsHair2023 · 04/10/2023 21:43

I already said I'm under medical care for my symptoms in my OP. But HRT is not a magic wand.

What medical care? Hrt is not the epitome of being under medical care. What are you doing for the anxiety , for the insomnia , the only two symptoms you mention , and the most common.

Tara24 · 04/10/2023 21:46

@UncleOrinocosFlow I'm sorry you had that experience, but that's not a normal part of menopause. You were presumably able to get signed off sick as you would for a mental health criss under any other circumstance. You do not need a menopause policy for that. I just think all this rhetoric about how awful menopause is and how much you fall apart is incredibly damaging for women.

TheLongGloriesOfTheWinterMoon · 04/10/2023 21:43

It's things like this and bloody Davina and her pathologising the whole thing that will (and is) setting back women in the workplace by decades.

We fought to be treated equally, and be given recognition for our abilities, and now we're wanting special treatment again.

And we ask ourselves why companies don't want to employ older women.

Original poster
JenniferAnistonsHair2023 · 04/10/2023 21:43

I already said I'm under medical care for my symptoms in my OP. But HRT is not a magic wand.

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 04/10/2023 21:43

Is there any time female can just be expected to work or do we need adjustments for every thing that happens to us?

SisterMichaelsHabit · 04/10/2023 21:43

I think this exemplifies why employers need to stop writing bullshit trendy-sounding "policies" they have no intention of following through on.

OP are you in a union and if not can you join one? This sounds like something you're going to need to robustly challenge. Effectively (regardless of whether a menopause adjustment policy is silly or not because that's actually irrelevant here) your employer offered you a thing and when you took them up on it, they blustered and bullshitted because they've no intention of giving you the thing they offered in writing.

That sounds like union territory. If you're not in an industry specific one I recommend joining Unite. They offer comprehensive legal advice. They also give you extra sick pay which it sounds like you might need if your symptoms are that bad.

Albioncreed · 04/10/2023 21:42

Cannot believe how nasty some of you are being to the OP.

im yet to experience menopause; but it doesn’t make me unaware that some women get a dreadful time of it.

Janieforever · 04/10/2023 21:42

Wisterical · 04/10/2023 21:36

Really? You want 'reasonable adjustments' to be made for your menopause symptoms? How utterly ridiculous. Menopause is not a disability.

Agree, however I’m all for reasonable adjustments if the person can show they are under medical care for their symptoms and can articulate the reasonable adjustments they need and what impact that will have.

the whole I’m underperforming as I’m menopausal so need reasonable adjusments and can’t say what they are and am not really dealing with it with my doctor is not something I support. At all. This stuff gives women a bad name in the workplace.

articulate your needs, explain why and what you’re doing to help your symptoms. Then you can be taken seriously.

Original poster
JenniferAnistonsHair2023 · 04/10/2023 21:40

@MNHQ how do I get this moved please?

OP posts:
Janieforever · 04/10/2023 21:38

CantFindTheBeat · 04/10/2023 21:35

OP - move this to the menopause topic.

You'll get some experienced, qualified advice there.

AIBU is an awful topic for absolutely everything. If you were asking for adjustments because your head fell off you'd be told you are being a snowflake,

I think you will find it’s the same posters answering either way, we have all been through it or going through it, and with differing degrees of severity. You don’t get to invalidate our comments.

Wisterical · 04/10/2023 21:36

Really? You want 'reasonable adjustments' to be made for your menopause symptoms? How utterly ridiculous. Menopause is not a disability.

CantFindTheBeat · 04/10/2023 21:35

OP - move this to the menopause topic.

You'll get some experienced, qualified advice there.

AIBU is an awful topic for absolutely everything. If you were asking for adjustments because your head fell off you'd be told you are being a snowflake,

Janieforever · 04/10/2023 21:34

Op, what treatment have you sought from your doctor please, this should be your first port of call and if hrt isn’t working then speak to them again.

also what reasonable adjustments do you wish. Again you’ve not been clear.

im also not supportive of im menopausal so that’s why im underperforming make allowances. So you need to be clear. What medical support are you working with your doctor on and exactly what adjustments do you wish?

UncleOrinocosFlow · 04/10/2023 21:30

Tara24 · 04/10/2023 21:15

I hate all this menopause obsession. Why on earth do you need to have a policy to deal with a perfectly normal biological process ? It's a sure fire way to make women even more a target of discrimination in the work place.

I'm 50 and work full time. Sure, tired from insomnia , but no more so than the young parents I work with. Why can't age and experience be seen as a positive thing ? Why can't being in our fifties be seen as when our experience shines through? But instead you want a snowflake policy and to whinge about 'slowing down" like you're 80. Ugh.

If you’ve had no issues, like most people, then bully for you. But be careful. Nobody in my family has had any problems with menopause at all. I certainly wasn’t expecting it. Then in the space of six weeks I had countless physical and mental problems like you wouldn’t believe. I hope for your sake you won’t have suicidal thoughts come out of nowhere like I did, to say nothing of the physical issues.

Original poster
JenniferAnistonsHair2023 · 04/10/2023 21:29

Snowflake menopause obsession? Really? I can only assume you haven't been through it, or you sailed through it.

My fundamental problem is that I don't have a manager who I feel I can approach about this stuff. I'm uncomfortable talking about it with someone who just doesn't get it. I've lost all confidence at work and the accusation of underperformance is only making things worse. I would honestly quit right now and get a low pressure job if I could afford to.

HR BP might be a good call. But the company I work for has made it very difficult to have a conversation with an actual person, not a call centre.

OP posts:
Charlattanus23 · 04/10/2023 21:27

And those of you who are superior enough not to have experienced this or other major healthcare setbacks by the time you hit your mid 40s to mid 50s have been very lucky so far.

BonnieBe · 04/10/2023 21:24

Really hate this snowflake menopause obsession too. Like women undermining themselves in the workplace.

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