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Original poster

Sister announces wedding just before mine

136 replies

Finallygettingmarried · 18/09/2023 20:31

Due to get married in Feb next year, has been planned almost a year.
Nothing big and flashy, but a small do with family and friends, very low key and rustic, in quaint little village hall.

Sister called to let me know she's getting married just before Xmas (this year), she's been married before and they're planning a small ceremony too.

I'm normally very laid back and really don't have much of an ego about stealing thunder. And of course, I'm really happy for them.

But it just made me feel a bit..funny?! Am I being stupid?

For a bit of background, we get on okay, we've had our ups and downs, but we get on fine now. Very different people - she's quite 'showy' and materialistic I guess, very competitive and I prefer a more quiet life. But she's a nice person and can be caring (sometimes!).

What do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Finallygettingmarried · 18/09/2023 21:45

Yes MsRosley, I think it has...

OP posts:
Kassalah · 18/09/2023 21:45

I would be annoyed too OP.

MsRosley · 18/09/2023 21:44

Could it be that this has stirred some deep feelings, OP? Perhaps she has form for trying to one-up you and you don't trust her motives.

Original poster
Finallygettingmarried · 18/09/2023 21:42

Thanks again for replies. They kind of reflect my own thoughts really (why the hell am I even giving a second thought, coupled with feeling a bit off about it).

Great suggestion from a poster to kill her with kindness, and that's what I've been doing. So much so, I probably sounded like a crazy person on the phone when she told me, going on about how amazing it is and how happy I am for them!
I am happy for them, of course.

We just have weeeeird history and I don't trust her (just in general, not even specifically about this). Is that an odd/paranoid thing to say about your sister? Maybe it's underlying sibling rivalry.
but if that's the case, again - just let her get on with it. It doesn't need to affect me.

I need to stop thinking don't I?!

OP posts:
Pressthespacebar · 18/09/2023 21:41

I honestly don’t understand why it would be a problem? Can someone enlighten me? I’m not really bothered by weddings (didn’t even want to go to my own 😆) and they weren’t a big thing in my family growing up, so maybe that’s why I just don’t get it.

Viviennemary · 18/09/2023 21:40

It is a bit cheeky and inconsiderate of her. But I dont think it matters as much since its her second wedding.

LolaSmiles · 18/09/2023 21:38

If it was June for the first and August for the second wedding, no one could say they were ages apart. Typical MN putdowns.
I'd say it's entirely reasonable for different family members to get married months apart.

It seems odd to me that anyone would be so self-absorbed to think they get to dibs multiple months of the year for a wedding unless there were some fairly large reasons (eg wedding requires a lot of international travel for many immediate family members so two close together would be awkward for guests / there's a damaged relationship that's toxic).

CointreauVersial · 18/09/2023 21:33

DB and I ended up getting married three weeks apart. It didn't cross my mind (or his) that it was a problem.

Emeraldrings · 18/09/2023 21:31

Although DH and I got engaged the day after my sister's wedding but we didn't announce it for just over 2 months when we got my engagement ring.

SouthLondonMum22 · 18/09/2023 21:31

I don't see the issue at all. Why does it matter? Your sister has already been married before anyway.

Family can be equally excited for both, it doesn't have to be a competition and they are months apart, not weeks apart.

Emeraldrings · 18/09/2023 21:29

At least it's not 3 weeks before your wedding.
Eldest brother planned his wedding for neatly a year and then my youngest brother and his wife decided they were going to get married 3 weeks before. Youngest brother's was very small about 12 people and eldest brothers was much bigger.
Eldest brother and SIL were really annoyed (everyone was really although we tried not to make a big deal of it). The weddings were totally different but still think it was mean.
In your case it's 2 months and I'm not really sure what an appropriate amount of time is, or do you just think she should have got married next year and announced it after your wedding?
I can kind of understand that feeling.

MsRosley · 18/09/2023 21:27

Seen this happen before, OP. Totally dick move. Why couldn't she just wait till yours was over?

lolcoCoobn · 18/09/2023 21:24

2chocolateoranges · 18/09/2023 21:00

i have a friend who was pissed off that I got married before her after only being engaged a few months whereas she had been planning her big day for 2 years.

Dh totally surprised me with a proposal and we decided to get married that year (year 2000) we only got engaged in the Jan so had to have a few months arrange a wedding,

couldn’t do
June cause my gran was on holiday
July my mum was on holiday
August my friend was getting married
September my only uncle was on holiday
October was starting to get into the colder months.

so we chose May and it caused problems, our weddings were so different, me small intimate personal day, hers extravagant with over 200 people.

out of a friend ship group of 4 people 3 of us got married that year. That’s just how it works when you are all at that age.

as it was my brother got married a couple of months after me too.

Not necessarily the OP but I think there's a big gulf between the people who see it as some massive event, worth waiting for. And those who don't.
The former don't see why the latter can't 'just wait', but there are only so many 'free' dates for people a year. Add in the desired season and venue availability, the decision space reduces even more!

We were engaged in June, waited to plan the wedding post a house purchase, which was in January, like you. That was 'short notice' for the summer months and so many places were booked up + expensive, even May/April dates were thin on the ground. ESPECIALLY with all the Covid postponements still going strong.

That meant end of the year was the only viable option and quite frankly I wouldn't have postponed my wedding for anybody else's not even a sibling. Not going to wait more than a year just to avoid a perceived slight.

BMW6 · 18/09/2023 21:19

Finallygettingmarried · 18/09/2023 20:45

Thanks everyone. It seems split really with some understanding why I might feel a bit like that and others thinking it's not an issue (and probably thinking I'm a bit nuts!).

I think -being honest- we have an odd relationship. Long and complicated history. She seems to just call me to announce exciting things (rarely asks about my life) and essentially glamorise everything in hers. Realise that may make me sound jealous but I'm honestly not. I had a lot of drama in my youth and I bloody love my quiet life now!!
She can also be lovely at times. She is also quite a harsh critic of mine.

First time getting married for me.

Completely appreciate it's not actually 'just before', and that we've got Xmas and new year etc.
Looking forward to our wedding and of course, over the moon for her! (feel like a right diva now!!

TBH she sounds very insecure and rather jealous of you!

Only insecure people do this kind of shit. I'd just say "How lovely, am so pleased for you etc" - kill it with kindness if you can.

If she is critical of you just say No, I haven't invited your critique of my actions nor have I sought your advice. Be blunt and honest. If she persists say you're busy, bye. Hang up.

Ellie1015 · 18/09/2023 21:19

I would be annoyed if just before wedding. By that I would mean one or two weeks before. I dont think before Christmas is a problem. I expect there is some practical reason like that is the only date they have at the venue they want or work holidays.

Cowlover89 · 18/09/2023 21:14

Yabu

Maddy70 · 18/09/2023 21:12

I think you're bonkers. Its not even the same year. Definitely overththinking

Squiblet · 18/09/2023 21:10

Handy for the guests - they can re-wear the same outfit!

minipeony · 18/09/2023 21:08

Onelifeonly · 18/09/2023 21:05

By the way I think it is nonsense people saying it's in a different year - yes it is date wise, but that makes it sound like it's a long time beforehand. If it was June for the first and August for the second wedding, no one could say they were ages apart. Typical MN putdowns.

It would be perfectly acceptable to have one June and one August

Ifailed · 18/09/2023 21:06

you're both just signing a contract, what's the fuss?

Onelifeonly · 18/09/2023 21:05

By the way I think it is nonsense people saying it's in a different year - yes it is date wise, but that makes it sound like it's a long time beforehand. If it was June for the first and August for the second wedding, no one could say they were ages apart. Typical MN putdowns.

Sugargliderwombat · 18/09/2023 21:03

You'll be thrilled in the new year when hers is over and you have yours to look forward to 😀. Much better than the other way around.

Onelifeonly · 18/09/2023 21:01

I can see why you feel put out and it sounds like you suspect she did it deliberately, which is very annoying but at the same time, rather pathetic. Rise above it. It won't affect your wedding - a second wedding in the family within a couple of months doesn't mean yours is any less special for you and your spouse to be.

2chocolateoranges · 18/09/2023 21:00

i have a friend who was pissed off that I got married before her after only being engaged a few months whereas she had been planning her big day for 2 years.

Dh totally surprised me with a proposal and we decided to get married that year (year 2000) we only got engaged in the Jan so had to have a few months arrange a wedding,

couldn’t do
June cause my gran was on holiday
July my mum was on holiday
August my friend was getting married
September my only uncle was on holiday
October was starting to get into the colder months.

so we chose May and it caused problems, our weddings were so different, me small intimate personal day, hers extravagant with over 200 people.

out of a friend ship group of 4 people 3 of us got married that year. That’s just how it works when you are all at that age.

as it was my brother got married a couple of months after me too.

etherealfae · 18/09/2023 20:59

what exactly are you annoyed about here? the weddings are months apart, to me it seems you're just jealous she's getting her wedding first but i really don't see how that will take away from your day at all... you're not the first person to ever get married, and she’s not living her life to abide by the convenience of yours, she’s just as entitled to a wedding as you are and who are you to say when she should have HER wedding to suit you? Please