Sister announces wedding just before mine

I also think a lot of posters haven’t had this happen to them. A very good friend of mine got engaged and was engaged for about 2 years with no plans made. I got engaged and we booked our venue quickly. Within weeks us doing that friend booked her wedding and made sure it was before ours which actually meant her organising her wedding in 2/3 months.

perhaps we just inspired her to get going but I did find it annoying at the time. But would never have said to her about it obviously.

I just think she wanted to be married before me to be honest.

The world does not stop because someone is getting married

Apparently I stole my DM's thunder when j chose to get married the same year she married her 3rd husband - six months later. I'm still not sure what to say about that.

OP if you want to keep a decent relationship with her, probably best not to say anything. Weddings are scheduled around the couple's convenience first, aren't they?

Hah. I had to comment because I don’t think many of these other posters have actually had this experience (or possibly even a sibling like this) - but I have had basically the exact same thing happen and I totally get you. Sibling relationships like this are a funny thing, obviously you want the absolute best for each other but sometimes you just want to have your own thing without them butting in! So yes I get you and I would be annoyed (mostly by her leaping in and getting married first, i know it feels like she almost needs to beat you out).

But that being said, I don’t think it’s something to bring up and make a fuss about with family or anything. ultimately your marriages are entirely separate things and when the day comes, you’ll want her to be happy. Also presumably she’s gone through a divorce so it hasn’t been that easy for her either. So maybe vent a bit to a close friend but otherwise just laugh it off and be happy that you’ll both be happy!

OP, why is it relevant that it's your sister's second wedding? I know some people find big second weddings distasteful, but you say she's only planning a small ceremony. Are you religious and believe it's immoral for divorcees to remarry? (I'm guessing she's divorced, not widowed.)

I get it OP. Especially with the history.

BUT.

Christmas and New Year will form a watershed of sorts between the two.

There is a reasonable stretch between anyway, even if they are quite close-ish.

There's a payday between so people won't be worrying overly about paying for 2 presents and 2 outfits, taxis, hairdressers etc.

It's not going to be a massive shindig upstaging yours (not that people would see it that way anyway).

You've shown joy for her. Continue to be gracious but put this to the back of your mind and enjoy planning your wedding.

So if any of your close family are getting married……. Does that mean you have to wait a full 6 months after their wedding before it’s acceptable to have your own wedding? Come on that’s just silly. Every couple is on their own journey and gets married whenever they want to. I thought you were going to say she’s getting married a week before and at the same venue - that would be a dick move. But months before and at a different venue… complete non issue.

It sounds quite dodgy to me. I can’t imagine doing that to a sister. Sorry, op. I hope you have a wonderful wedding.

Etiquette my ass!!! Are immediate family members only 'allowed' to get married in a specific order??! Nuts.

Listen @Finallygettingmarried- once you are married, nobody will remember which one of you got married first. Or when your wedding was.

Weddings are important to the couple getting married. Much less so for everyone else.

How is your sister getting married slightly before you going to make even the slightest bit of difference to you and your wedding?

Only thing I can think of is that people may find it expensive if they are attending both weddings, with Christmas in the middle. However, as your sister has been married before and you haven't, it would be quite cheeky of her to expect to get all the wedding gifts for a second time.

Focus on things that are important. This is not important.

Of course you’re being unreasonable and honestly bringing up it’s her second wedding in every post and making snide comments about her makes you sound bitchy.

I got married on short notice like your sister did (we announced in the September and Married in the December) and it wasn’t to spite anyone, it was because that worked best for us and we didn’t see the point of a long engagement! We got a fantastic offer and found dates that worked and went for it.

It’s nowhere near your wedding date? Why exactly are you so bothered? Your sister getting married a few months before you has literally no bearing on your wedding and you come off as the competitive one honestly. ‘Stealing your thunder’ seriously? Maybe she doesn’t want to wait till after Feb to get Married. If you’re one of these people who has a two year engagement you’re being really unreasonable expecting nobody else to get married before you and yes that includes family. She didn’t even choose the month before or your wedding month ffs.

@Finallygettingmarried
Your family and friends will be happy at your wedding. Her family and friends will be happy at het wedding.

With all of that happening there won't be much thunder to steal. Guests attending a wedding generally don't care very much about the proximity of one wedding to another.

Perhaps she just wants a little bit of your happiness and excitement to rub off on her. All weddings are different and yours with be extra special because it’s your day. Enjoy your sister’s wedding then start the countdown for yours. Best wishes.

Overthinking in my opinion, or maybe I committed a faux pas!

I got engaged to my DP, about a year later found out I was unexpectedly pregnant. Complicated pregnancy in and out of hospital, decided to shelve wedding until after baby but we wanted to marry soon as I was feeling comfortable in myself again after. We thought would take at least a year but hopefully soon after. I say wedding, registry office with just parents and siblings was the plan, same people for meal after.

Late in my pregnancy my DSis got engaged to her DP. Very happy for her. She booked a wedding for when my baby was going to be 15 months old. We had no firm plans, didn't own the time. Gave a conundrum - have the wedding close to hers or wait an even longer time to get married, even though had been 3 years of engagement at that point. She had a bigger wedding with lots invited, we were just having parents and siblings. Bar the couple getting married, only our parents were going to be at both weddings so we went for it. She never voiced any displeasure, still a couple months between.

So if she booked it for April which is also a two month time gap, would you be OK with it?

Are you wound up because it's 2 months before yours?

I'm not sure if I would be this bothered. It sounds like these will be two very different weddings, they're not very close in time and there are big events in between ie Christmas and NY. Even the dates will be very different as they fall in different years.

You're probably upset because you think she's rushing in to get in there before you and be in the centre of attention. This may be right. But do you truly care? This isn't who you are by the sounds of it so let it go. People will experience your wedding differently as it's different people and a different party, it's not really comparable, is it.

@Scruffington yes she'd been living with her bloke for years and they'd just never married until she decided I wasn't doing it first! I just thought she was ridiculous as did my friends. I bought her a bottle of champagne and did 3 cheers, don't think she appreciated it somehow 🤣 (funnily enough we're not close)

Could be worse my brother decided to get married a few months after us at the exact same venue! I was more annoyed about the same venue than I was about him getting married a couple of months after us. They had been together for years and years and all of a sudden decide to get married at the same venue as us!

eeek.

that's a doozie.

did she not realise she was just making herself look desperately insecure? I presume she had a man to marry and didn't quickly shop around for a groom

Definitely sounds, from the backstory you've given, that she is trying to steal some of your thunder. Out of your control of course so just smile and be charming, let her take satisfaction from it if it really matters that much to her. If she's insistent on indulging in some teenage sibling rivalry then leave her to it.

Be grateful that you don't have my (step)sister. She literally stood up in the speeches at my wedding and announced she'd got married in secret the week before because she didn't want her little sister getting married before her!
All eyes on her then.

I had my wedding planned in October and my then arranged her wedding in September.

I was really happy and it meant we could get excited together and we went to try on wedding dresses together it didn't for a second cross my mind at all that it was anything other than a good/exciting thing

Hopefully she just got a bit carried away with excitement/i'm not sure if older or younger, if they are pregnant/feel a pressing need so are marrying fast, maybe even a second wedding, just doing the ceremony, and want it done type thing? Either way, i'd say the large scale announcing etc was a bit inconsiderate. We got married a 2 months after my SIL and BIL, but we were pregnant, so we were doing it quietly on a planned timeline for the birth at the request of a very elderly family member. We actually eloped, just the two of us a month before their wedding with our small reception being after their big day, but didn't post pictures/any announcements to social media, and I left it up to my DH to discreetly tell his siblings without ruffling feathers, and I hope we didn't upset anyone. As someone said, maybe kill her with kindness if you see her, otherwise, I wouldn't really engage/bring it up. Focus on your big day with your husband to be, and quiet out the noise from the outside.

I'd be pissed if it was on the same day but that's all

I'd be the exact same op, I'd not want it to bother me, I'd try to ignore it but deep down I think I'd feel a little put out. The run up is a big part of it too and if I'm really honest (knowing it sounds ridiculous) I'd be a bit worried that the run up to my wedding would be a little taken over by the run up to her wedding and then talking about her wedding because there always is a wee buzz after that lasts a while. But hopefully you've plenty of people that will still focus on your day and your planning with you to make it feel special, because it is special and you deserve to have a little fuss made.

If you don't trust her I would think about how much of your plans you share with her. I had two family weddings one booked a month ahead of the other and then the one who went first used a lot of the music and entertainment the second had planned and then kicked up a huge stink about the second one copying even though that wedding was booked first. People can get super competitive about ridiculous things when it comes to weddings but hopefully it was just that they wanted a Christmas wedding specifically and didn't want or need to wait a year.

Your day will still be amazing either way!

I get exactly where you are coming from. It feels like she is deliberately stealing your thunder a bit. That might not be her motivation, but given your history it could well be.

Probably more importantly, a wedding is an occasion for extended family to get together and catch up. It won’t be so special at yours if everybody has only just done it a couple of months before. I guess this might be part of why you feel weird.

This happened to us with my husband's brother. It was about 6 weeks before and was a stressful, huge wedding. It definitely upset me in terms of joining a new family and we just couldn't relax as had loads on with our own wedding planning.
It doesn't matter now but I have noticed since that he is jealous of my husband and other siblings so this was the source in my view.