Sister announces wedding just before mine

OP ypu need to let the sibling rivalry wash over you as I have. My sister is a little like yours- but perhaps worse? Only contact was when it was all about her. Her career, her handbag, her cake recipe...When my DF passed her fiance told me that the reason they had not got married was because we had chosen the year and month that they wanted. I Only saw them once a year so waited until we met up to ask her to be my maid of honour - the wedding had been arranged 5 months prior and my parents had kept quiet as they did not want to spoil the surprise of my asking for her as they mistakenly thought she would be flattered. That same weekend they announced their engagement. What a surpirse.
The revalation that I stole their date was announced 23 years later when DF passed.... A lot of other available dates that year and any year since. We have now been married 30 years and they are still engaged, which is obviously entirely my fault. Oh, and she no longer speaks to me and has blamed me for anything and everything that has not worked in her favour, including stealing her baby name for an imaginary daughter :) (never discussed baby names with her and totally my DH idea, I thought we were having a boy) DD is 25.
Hope you wedding is as wonderful and long lasting as ours. I wish you every happiness. Enjoy it!

We got married within six weeks of deciding to. It really doesn’t need to be some huge big deal with lengthy lead-up times, drum rolls creating suspense. Maybe the OP’s sister doesn’t see why she needs to delay gett8ng married longer than she wants because people associated quick wedd8ngscwoth shotgun ones?

I get why you would feel funny, I really do. People will say they don't understand why etc but I also think you're entitled to that feeling.
However, I can say with almost complete confidence that you will look back in a few months and wonder why you were so bothered. The thought of something is often worse than the thing itself ❤️

I agree with this. Even though both weddings are low key, she’s decided to book her wedding for three-months time. What’s her hurry? I personally think she’s doing it to get in first.

Two siblings getting married in one season, what a huge cause for celebration, especially as you claim you do not care much for flashy events etc. On each wedding day, there will be a bride and groom and all attention will be on them.

To be honest OP this is a non issue.

If this has made you feel funny you wouldn’t be able to cope with Hindu weddings. Often family weddings are on the same days and times and everyone (including brides and grooms) have to run around like headless chickens to not only complete their wedding rituals but participate with family too. My cousins (2 of them), married three hours previously, were guests at my wedding. Then as I wasn’t having a reception until the next day my DH and I went to both of their wedding receptions (one in Central London, the other in Essex) that very evening! Then everyone came to ours.

Oh and my colleague refused to buy a second wedding outfit, so wore the same to both! So in any family wedding photos, she's wearing the same thing! 😂

A colleague of mine had two nephews that were getting married. One booked their wedding for one particular weekend, then a few weeks later his brother announced they'd booked their wedding for the weekend before!

There were lots of people that had to travel for them both so some family members were torn between only being able to go to one and not the other. My colleague turned it in to a week away with a wedding bookending the week, but her husband couldn't get the time off work so spent each Friday travelling up to one wedding, then back on the Sunday to get back for work. 12 hours of travelling over those 2 weekends!

Also stopped the first couple booking a honeymoon straight after their own wedding.

So while I get that it's annoying, at 2 months difference it's unlikely to cause any mutual guests any issues. It could have been much, much worse!

Just don't give her any of your wedding ideas - keep them close to your chest as you may otherwise discover she's done them first and you'll look like the copy cat!

@Mari9999 best ask @2chocolateoranges , I'm I'm bemused as you.

@DisquietintheRanks
Just curious, by getting married at the same venue, what exactly did he do to you? How exactly was your life impacted? Was there injury or harm to you or someone else because he got married at the same venue?

Please explain. I have tried to imagine some kind of damage that could resulted to you, and I literally cannot come up with a single thought. Your wedding was over when his occurred, are you saying that you owned a right to a memory that he was not entitled to have?

This sounds likely from what you've said. But at the same time, its only a tiny per cent of her own feelings about her wedding.

Having said that, it only works if you let her and it seems you've wisely decided to forget about it.

I think Christmas being in between will really dilute the whole scenario.

Congratulations and hope you have a wonderful time

Firstly , Congratulations to you!

i think society makes us compete even with our own family members this way about random stuff. Films like Bride Wars and Bridezilla seep into our psyche and we think a wedding is somehow some thing to use to compete with others or turn into something more than it is. A wedding is bringing two people together in matrimony and their families together. That is the most beautiful thing to me.

We could use this opportunity to practice the whole point of a wedding: love. Rather than the capitalist side. There is no stealing “thunder ”. There is only ego.

your wedding won’t be seen as too close to your sisters by others. Hers will be a separate event and smaller? Yours will be completely different and with your new bro in law present. How beautiful!

your sister found love again, thats amazing! You are marrying the man you love, how amazing! Wish you both happiness

Not in the same year, both small weddings - nope I would be happy for her.

Some people on MN like to make a big display of how nothing would ever bother them (especially if it's wedding related) because they’re so supremely laid back.

Sibling rivalry? Never met her.

So what? I can't understand why this is even an issue, unless you think of your sister as a bit part player in the central drama of your own life.

@WandaWonder i don’t know why it mattered to her to get married before me but it clearly did! Perhaps I just inspired her to get the finger out 🤷🏼‍♀️
i didn’t have a big fussy wedding btw

I think, kindly, you’re still overthinking OP. You don’t need to ‘kill her with kindness’ at all, you just need to be yourself. You seem like a nice person, one who is genuinely happy for their happiness, despite the fact the timing isn’t quite what you maybe hoped for, so just be naturally happy, don’t put on an act and make it into a big deal, just be you.
ALSO I don’t think it’ll take any shine off your wedding whatsoever. From my perspective, I bloody love a wedding, so if I was, say, a cousin of yours, I’d be absolutely buzzed to have two big days to attend in 3-4 months. I’d certainly not feel any differently about your wedding, being the latter one, I’d be just as excited to get dressed up and celebrate with you.
Congratulations by the way, I don’t think I said that in my original post.

😀😀

I think what I actually find touching about these kinds of posts is the idea that people genuinely believe or want to believe their wedding is some kind of unique expression of originality. Clearly, having someone you know get married close in time to you and/or at the same venue wrecks the illusion that your wedding is a one-off, and that your barn/ hog roast/icecream van/ floral crown/choreographed first dance (complete with the lift from Dirty Dancing) are acts of radical originality and will be talked of in your circle for years.

I enjoy weddings, and have enthusiastically worn wellies to a ceremony in the woods, danced ceilidh dances in a barn (it was so cold you had to keep moving!), helped someone raise their family flag over an Oxford college, flown to Italy with a toddler, eaten myself into a near coma at a huge Indian wedding, but I think people need to recognise that a wedding is primarily special to the couple getting married. For the rest of us it’s a potentially enjoyable social occasion whose proximity to another similar one is largely irrelevant.

Three months on, no one is going to be saying ‘Oh, this would be far more special if Dave and Brenda hadn’t got married in November’ or ‘Dave and Brenda’s personalised coaster favours were far more impressive.’

And? Why does it matter? If a couple is happy to get married sure that is more important than who else gets married when, unless the day itself is more important the actual marriage?

Not everyone needs the big white wedding with added drama and being a 'princess'

Some people genuinely don't care who get married when it is just more events to attend which may be a good thing, to some people

No small ego here but when there are so many wedding venues where you live and they choose the exact same one only months later.

there is history here that whatever I have or get sil needs it too , so that played a part in the feelings.

you can go back to your own wee bitchy world now!

@Finallygettingmarried this is exactly the type of thing my sister would do to steal my thunder, she's been making short notice grand gestures and OTT announcements all her life. I think you'll be ok. Christmas and New Year are a good separator.

Seriously??? Does you ego draw small planets into it's orbit? If you knew how self obsessed this story made you sound youn wouldnt share it.

Three months isn't just before OP. It's not like it's the week or two before yours.

You're overreacting. Sorry.