18 y/o son disputes having to pay keep

Suggest he gets his own back on you. He needs to move out, pay his own way, and show you that he was right. 😂

Zombie post

This is one of the silliest comments I’ve seen on here, particularly the part about irrespective of the dc’s age. So a DS of 42 should expect to live rent free from retired parents? I could fill a piece of A4 with the set of circumstances in which it would not be financially viable for parents to support adult children but, if this individual has led such a sheltered life that she’s unaware of these, then she’s blessed.

But there’s another issue here. Most adults, irrespective of their background, need the ability to both earn money and apportion it so that bills are paid first and everything else comes after. Treating adult children as continual dependents, always able to rely on the bank of mummy and daddy will only create feckless people who’ll struggle more when they move out.

Stand your ground op, don’t argue, state your case and stick to it.

He's just being lazy and hoping he'll get away with paying nothing...I'd tell him things prices have really gone up COL etc (but tell him as a sad story not pointedly) & you're really sorry but you can't manage & he needs to pay £50 or you'll have to move into a 1-bed flat
... he'll hopefully soon cough up £20. He needs to be doing some housechores too like hoovering, taking the bins out, cleaning the bathroom..that's only fair. Good luck,they drive you bonkers, I know 😉

Even if you were well off, two large incomes in the house, you should still have done the same. Stand firm.

Re the staying in bed till midday, how would you feel if he was working full time and still getting up late? Either on his days off or days where his shifts didn’t start till late in the day?

My father left my mum when i was 15 i was pulled out of school and sent to work to contribute to the household i earned 4.50 a week my mum took 4.00 , when i left home i was expected and did send half my wages home, one week i was late sending the money, my mum sent the police saying i was missing!

YANBU at all. He 100% should be contributing to bills and around the house, and I agree, some tough love is needed. He’s 18, and will consider himself to be a man, therefore, he has to step up and act like a man all the time, not revert back to a boy when it suits him.

I started working at 16 part time (16 hours, so exactly what your son is doing now but whilst still at school/college), and got a full time job within a month of leaving college. I did have to move out and away for the job, so my mom never expected me to pay, however whenever I came home and visited, I’d contribute by doing and paying for the weekly food shop (probably about £60/£70 at the time) and also took on my 2 little sisters phone bills until they were in full time jobs themselves.

He needs to realise life costs money, and the money you earn isn’t to just spend however you want. He also needs a reality check, you weren’t just chilling in bed for those months, watching tv and doing nothing. You weren’t well. That’s very very different to how he’s behaving

I was paying £200 15 years ago! That was over half the mortgage! Did I question it? No?!! I knew I couldn't rent and pay bills for that price. He needs to start working 40hour weeks and pull his finger out. He may be your child, but he is also an adult now. Stop paying for anything like phone bills, driving lessons etc and tell him he needs to contribute or he's out

Well done, OP. In the longer run, you're doing him a massive favour. Hold firm, and be kind to yourself.

It's going to be costing you more than what he'd be paying. If he won't pay it, maybe he should find his own place, he'd soon see how easy he had it at home! Sometimes it takes tough love to get the message.

When my daughter was the same age and still lived at home and was going to uni, she was paying £40/week towards her food, phone contract, gas/elec, toiletries etc. I didn't ask her for that much, she paid it herself because she knew it would have cost her a lot more if she lived in student accommodation. As soon as she got her grant monies through, she worked out how many weeks it was until her next payment and paid it in 1 go so she didn't have to worry about it.

My oldest son was a totally different story tho! He refused to do anything about the house, always argumentative, picking on his younger siblings etc. He was told many times to buck up or pick a door, he didn't listen and continued to be an a$$. The last straw was when he started physically threatening me. I'm a lot smaller than he is (he's 6ft3) and disabled. My daughter phoned the police and he was removed. He's changed so much for the better since and apologised for how he was behaving and said the tough love was what he needed to get his head out his backside. Now at 28yr old, he has a good job AND runs his own company.

Just tell your lazy son that if he won't contribute he can find somewhere else to live and he will never find anywhere for £20 pw, let him experience the real world.

I gave my mother £20 board and lodge back in 1994. I think you are letting him off easy. Wait until he has to start paying real rent and bills.

I’m sorry you haven’t been well and that your son isn’t supportive.
Tough love isn’t easy . But he needs to start taking some responsibility. No money unless he earns it. No Wi-Fi access, heating off when you aren’t in the house etc. Privileges are earned not given , as for Christmas set a small limit and stick to it.
I think you send mixed messages sometimes

Not unreasonable to charge up to 50% of his net take home pay. He needs to understand that life is not a free ride. Even if he was on benefits, I'd be expecting the same input. Life is hard, you don't have to shoulder the whole burden when there are other ADULTS in the house.

I think it’s great your parents have held back the £2000 until he deserves it and will spend it wisely. I’d be devastated if I gave my hard earned money to my grandchild and the just wasted it.

what happened last night?

I was the same, I paid £50 per week when I was 17 (19 years ago) and I bought my own food

He's not a child though, is he? He's an 18 year old adult man who is being a layabout and treating his Mother like dirt!

Divide your expenses by 3, you pay for 2/3 and pays for his third. Fair and square. (Assuming your other kid is still in school)
You can then decide whether you'll save that money for when he goes to uni and/or travel.

This should teach him that nothing is free when adult

if it helps when I was 18 and working during a gap year I paid £350 a month keep and paid the houses council tax (as my parents were on benefits so me working meant a new bill which I was responsible for) and the prospect of someone paying for me to go travelling would of been laughable. This was 15 years ago. You certainly aren’t asking too much at £20 per week!! He needs bringing into the real world by the sounds of it! Sorry OP

If he's not plain lazy, he is very unrealistic. You could point out that the university he plans to attend will probably expect more than a two-day week from him in terms of total input (attending lectures, tutorials, assignments) and that most employers will be looking for their new starters to work full time. And what is the point of a gap year if he is going to spend it in bed?

Hes working 16hours a week he can easily afford to contribute. You're being generous only asking for £20 a week. As for finding more hours leave that one up to himself if he wants more money he can work more hours to earn it otherwise he can deal with a 16hour weekly wage either way he still needs to start contributing at home. He sounds very self entitled. He needs to take some responsibilities for himself and stop with the attitude that you're put on this earth to serve him. Harsh i know but he needs to either pay up or move out. Show him what rent costs he'll soon realise that £20 a week is a good deal

Can't be forced to do anything he doesn't want to... except get out of your house if he's not contributing. He has no right to live there if you don't want him to. Bit of tough love and remind him of this maybe?

Why should you help him if he won't help himself or take responsibility? Your family dynamics / relationship, including your depression, are completely separate to this. He's 18 now and of course it's going to be a learning curve towards being a "true" adult, but I don't think you're asking for an unreasonable amount of money from him. Even working 16 hours a week he should be able to afford this. What else is he spending his money on? He needs to learn the value of money etc. If he wants to go travelling then he should work for it. Don't give him money for this!

When you're working full-time hours plus as many hours overtime as possible to just about keep a roof over your head why shouldn't you expect an adult who is capable of working to not support the household? My son (21) returned home last September after working away (seasonal work) and stayed for 6 months without contributing. He was recovering from an injury for the first month then laziness set in and he didn't work for the remaining 5 months when he was home. During that time my gas and electric costs soared as did my food shopping bill! A year later I'm still paying off the credit card that kept us fed and the lights on. He returned home again a week ago and has been told he has to contribute or stay elsewhere. No way on earth can I manage to financially support him again for 6 months. When he's away he earns good money but he spends it quickly, on designer clothes, top-of-the-range gadgets, and takeaways (sometimes 2 or 3 a day) so needs to get a job of some kind ASAP and pay his way.