To think that not everyone has ADHD

"The "we've all got it" people who self diagnosed themselves and their friends really grind my gears. When people find out about DS's diagnosis, so many think he's going to be a savant or think that he just has some "fun quirks" here and there. They say shit like "everyone is a little autistic these days" and then start sharing examples about the one time they were obsessed with a TV show or how they hated it when their favourite cafe started to use a different brand of oat milk. They don't see the meltdowns, the rigidity, and the struggle to do regular things people his age are doing."

It's a bit like everyone is OCD or has anxiety. It's about the whole picture and how it impacts an individuals life, some cherry pick bits and then assume they have it too.

Is very definitely of the genetic variety in my family, both my sibling and i are AuDHD, my son is AuDHD, my daughter ADHD (very likely audhd but no diagnosis as yet) as are both my siblings children.

Russel Barkley in one of his lectures said that his clinic process was that when a child presented for assessment, they would always assess the parents too, as it was highly likely one or the other (if not both) also had it.

We strongly suspect my ExH is autistic, and so is my mother.

I did try meds briefly, but found medicating my ADHD threw my ASD front and center, but removed my tried and tested methods of self-regulation.

I would rather be emotionally stable and distractable/forgetful, than have executive function and be volatile. (its obviously not that simplistic, but i'm generalising)

I masked for many years, simply by finding ways to work with my adhd, calendars, routines, reminders in my phone, journals to write stuff down in, even my assessment states that like many adhd women, i coasted on my intelligence for a long time until suddenly the requirement to remember stuff outstripped my ability to retain it (in the middle of my a levels for the record) and i hit a severe burn out.. and since then i have been failing to function in some pretty significant ways. I keep afloat through strict routines and reminders

Anyone who pretends they have it because they dont like laundry, forget to shower, or lose their keys has no fucking idea just what a fundamental impact ADHD has on our every day lives and ability to function.

I was being sarcastic when I said that ND people are meant to struggle with empathy.

If you feel that it's OK to label a group of 4 year old 'slow readers', let's just hope you have no involvement in education. Or contact with young children for that matter..

Yep. Was advised to do the whole self referral thing, clicked on the link and a few clicks in decided 'nope.'

You sound like you genuinely don’t understand that there are always slower and faster learners. There are lots of reasons for that. A good teacher will encourage a child to understand that. I’m baffled that you think renaming the groups is somehow hiding that from the children concerned. It’s not good practice at all imo. I don’t think I’ve damaged or would damage any children in the way you suggest, but it was said primarily to hurt I imagine. Why would you want to do that?

So my words can hurt you, but childen are not affected by being labelled with unkind words. Just really think about that for a minute.

The worrying thing is, I think you genuinely believe this.

I have worked in education for 20 years. I was a primary school teacher for 10. I promise you that pretty much every child I have ever taught would be hurt, and have their confidence as a learner knocked, if they were referred to as the 'slow group'. How could it not?

@Scatterbrainbox I didn’t say your words hurt me I said they were designed to hurt. I disagree with you on what needs to be taught and how you teach and honestly can’t see that we are going to come to any sort of understanding. There is no shame in being a slower learner for any reason.

The last thread I mentioned this on, because my child does have ADHD the OP asked for an opinion based on a scenario.

And people might say it's possible it's worth having an assessment my child maybe did similar. This is the point of asking on a parenting site.

Of course there are so many posters that feel kids are definitely all little madams or little shits that have ineffectual parents and use it as an excuse so I guess this thread will draw them out like a moth to a flame.

Also if I went for assessment and didn't have it, then in my mind I would be "crap and deficient with pretentions" rather than just crap and deficient, and my self esteem would be even further in the toilet.

That is a common fear about diagnosis/assessment and puts a lot of people off.

In the end I reasoned that I would go anyway and if they said nope, not ADHD, then I'd say then please help me understand why I am having so much difficulty in XYZ areas, as I really do struggle - this is what doctors are supposed to do, investigate when something is atypical. Because if it wasn't ADHD then perhaps it was a learning difficulty or depression or a thyroid disorder or any number of things. I just wanted answers and whether there was anything that would help.

There are psychological implications to implicitly telling children that they are slow, whether or not it's true that their progress is happening at a slower speed than others. It's like when you show people a load of statistics about how women are worse at maths and then give them a maths test, the women perform worse compared to a control group who had no such sexist input. The fact of something being statistically true is less important than how someone feels about it. It's like how many people of a certain generation were constantly told at school that they are no good at maths and then they are surprised when they study it later in life and find that they are perfectly capable of accessing it when it's taught in a way they can follow.

Russel Barkley in one of his lectures said that his clinic process was that when a child presented for assessment, they would always assess the parents too, as it was highly likely one or the other (if not both) also had it.

This would be amazing, wouldn't it? Sadly can't happen in the UK (or the EU country I live in) because practitioners who treat adults and children are totally separate with completely different waiting lists etc.

I think there should be so much more scope for screening for developmental/neurological/MH conditions. I think if you could identify these things early on and optimise for them you'd reduce so many problems in other areas.

I agree OP.

I do think our lives have made it harder to concentrate - mobile phones and constant access to the internet and stimulation make us scatterbrained.

But people take it on as a disorder/identity ("my brain is just wired different") when it's more of an environmental factor. It's not that you have ADHD, it's that the world around us makes executive function much more challenging.

It's confusing because ADHD solutions (either meds or "tips for ADHD people") therefore often do help. But that doesn't mean you, a special person, have ADHD. It means we need more tips for normal people on how to improve executive function in today's world as well.

Read through more of the chat. I don't think that the "successful executive who discovers age 40 they have ADHD" is a thing, tbh. Or at least the group of traits they're describing cannot meaningfully be a disorder.

How about an alternative explanation: it's not you, it's actually just really fucking hard to be supermum with a high-powered executive job, raising multiple children, and cooking and cleaning for the household? Of course some of these things are going to slip and it's not a disorder if you can't do all of these things at once!

Middlelanehogger

Bullshit!Such utter ignorance.
You don’t get a diagnosis if that is the case. You just don’t. Your childhood is trawled through and how it has impacted your life and a huge amount of other symptoms and areas are investigated.

I'm late diagnosed. It has wrecked my career and many other areas of life. I was lucky I met my husband so young. I’m so grateful that although still late my Dd has been picked up in her late teens as already the impact has been horrendous.

IT’S OK EVERYONE!! @Middlelanehogger has worked it out. We just have too much on our plates!! I knew there was probably a simple explanation

😂😂😂

There are psychological implications to implicitly telling children that they are slow, whether or not it's true that their progress is happening at a slower speed than others.. Presumably only if you equate “slower” with something negative surely? Truthfully ALL children develop at different rates and slower isn’t always negative and faster isn’t always positive. There are countless examples of people who weren’t super fast who went on to do well.

So successful on the outside! So what about just general working parents who have children and home being diagnosed at 40? Do u think they are r not adhd when they are diagnosed ????!!!!

Someone can mask, they can present to the world of a got together person , could absolutely not be what they are !
I'm the 40 year old who was diagnosed this week! Just not a working mum as
Carer to my disabled daughter , I find it fascinating u seem to dismiss the idea that an adult can be diagnosed adhd!

I find it very hard to reconcile "I'm so happy to be diagnosed, I lived my whole life thinking something was wrong with me but now I know there's not" with "Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder"...

People take it on as a disorder "brain wired differently " because IT IS! It's hereditary ! Do u actually know anything about it?
And I have no words for the last paragraph

Middlelanehogger

What are you on about ? I was diagnosed at 55. Don’t think there is an area if my life it hasn’t impacted. Money, relationships, mental health, education…I’m doing a minimum wage job when I am highly intelligent and degree educated. My entire school career was impacted and a struggle.

I now know why I have struggled so much which has been massive. I’m also looking at strategies which help areas highlighted in my report alongside toying with medication although I find the idea of that quite scary.

U can struggle as much as u like with that!

Adhd makes doing very simple things that regular people do very hard. U may not even think about showering, brush teeth and brush hair. I might forget to do them or just really struggle to start any of them and that's with most things others just take for granted.

It messes up your self estem and self worth of ur just crap at very basic things and also the big things.

Maybe u feel jealous of all these woman now suddenly not having to feel they are a failure at basic life skills ! I mean I would swap being adhd in heartbeat with u! I wouldn't wish my families Neurodiverse on anyone.

“Brain wired differently” isn’t my favourite description either. To me it feels othering.

If I read online ADHD checklists I check off 90% of them, same with "signs you as a woman might have undiagnosed autism". I am a bit odd, but generally an average person.

Honestly though, this is exactly gender identity all over again. "Neurodiverse" is the new "queer" - everyone does have brains a bit different from each other and some of those brains fit better into some societal structures than others. Everyone has a different personality and some of those personalities fit better into some societal gender roles than others.

But both of these trends create this fantasy class of "normal" people who somehow never struggle with societal expectations or gender roles and just sail through life. It's false.

And both these trends appropriate the struggles of a much smaller group of people with genuine difficulties who need quite specific help to function.

Who are in this deserving group?My daughter has tried to take her own life 4 times and she has been in and out of hospital the past few years with a life threatening mental illness. ADHD has completely wrecked her education, relationships and makes her incredibly vulnerable.

I masked for 55 years. We both have a diagnosis. My diagnosis has in no way impacted her getting the services she needs. My diagnosis is helping her as me handling my adhd better helps me to support her better.