To think that not everyone has ADHD

@Tessisme

Wow. Yes agreed. Why not post on an old thread and come out with the most outdated, uninformed and most bullshit filled response ever.

I couldn't even begin to start to get involved in a debate with you @MumofCandR so I won't.

Why not resurrect an old thread full of ignorant shite and pile on a bit more ignorant shite? Oh, hang on a minute ...

@Zooeyzo I relate, i procrastinate so I identified with being lazy not hyper. As a younger person with a brother with asperger's (quite ''mild'' though, he has a good job, is chatty, but there were issues when he was younger) I would have totally rejected the idea that I had adhd myself, but as the years have gone by, my son being on the spectrum seems to have invited the question (a few times) do you think you might be neurodiverse yourself in any way?'. The first time I heard that I was cross. Then having therapy for a different reason (my mother and her endless silent treatments) the therapist told me she thought I should get assessed for it. Again, I felt irritated. I've chewed on her comment for about two years and now I realise I do have it. I won't go in to detail here but there is plenty of evidence! Big things, little things. I may pay the 1000 odd euro to get a private assessment done. Even though I procrastinate, at work, working to a deadline kept me focused and energised. When I wasn't working to a deadline I plodded along quite lifelessly, i need the sense of urgency to propel me forward or I just procrastinate.

The therapist I went to when my mum was giving me the silent treatment also worked with young people on the spectrum and with adhd. When I shot her down saying no, no, no I don't have adhd, I can put my mind to things when they interest me, she said, yes, that's quite typical of adhd.

I was just known as a scatterbrain all my life.

My son is autistic and lately I've been questioning whether I have adhd. The intense hobby that is forgotten after a month, time blindness, misplacing things all the time, anxiety that disrupts my life. I always thought adhd was just being hyper. But thinking about it makes me anxious and I'd never speak about it irl. I have a system to help me and I managed to have a very successful career before having to leave work to look after my son.

I'm neuro diverse and queer. I didn't know it was trendy to flunk out of school, feel lazy and stupid, AND be queer.

I have lost family and friends because my partner is a transman.

Nothing about either of those things has benefitted me. Actually I take that back. My being queer means I feel in love with the best most supportive person I know.

You are like my DS.

DH is still highly impacted on a day to day basis. But poor DS, trying to navigate the teen years, as a fish out of water, is really tough.

Then there's me on the outside with my dull neurotypical brain, who can understand neither of them, but so badly want to understand, and help.

Then you see these pillocks, self diagnosing themselves, "oh I've so got ADHD, I totally lost my keys this morning, what am I like, lololololol" and I just want to scream. It's so insulting to the people who genuinely do have it. They minimise the condition, they belittle the horrendous struggle that ADHD can be. They are so damaging, they create this public perception that ADHD is nothing really, just being a bit ditzy. Infuriates me.

@ChristmasCrumpet I think the problem is that it's a spectrum and some people (like me) have severe ADHD that is so debilitating that every day life is excruciating, not fitting into a society because it doesn't understand your disability because so and so has it and manages quite fine.

@Tr1pleJump I'm sorry I meant that in a nice way, to be honest I found it a relief to know I didn't have to mask anymore around people who knew me and for the first time in my life I felt it was ok to just be me symptoms and all and I found people accepting and that to me was life changing but I know it's different for everybody.

Ok, that's the second person that hasn't got what I'm saying, so I've clearly said it wrong.

When I refer to "they" I am referring to the people who declare they have ADHD because they've seen it online, based on absolutely nothing before, and they literally have zero impact on their lives (this is because they don't bloody have it)

I'm not talking about people who genuinely have ADHD. And a medical diagnosis. Like my husband. And my son.

“They think ADHD is a label they can apply to themselves to "justify" the fact they (for example, illustrated by PP) can't be arsed with housework sometimes. They think it's new and edgy sounding. They like the idea that they are outside the normal box, they think it makes them sound interesting. And it's a bullshit excuse card for them to pull out when they choose too. “

Right, aren’t you lovely.

Of course u do 🙄

I think you have spectacularly misinterpreted my post.

And also what actually impact does all these 'people' have on ur life?

All these Imaginary people u talk about seems honesty just in ur head! Noone chooses to want to have adhd! I don't belive there is all these imaginary people choosing to pick adhd to have and don't have I think there is a lot more people going for diagnosis and beliovng they have it because there is more awareness and women particularly present very differently to men and boys and not the stereotypical way. And they genuinely belive they have it, maybe some don't but thay will be decided by a professional.

"I was masking for decades, until suddenly I couldn't anymore" is also a nicer sentiment than "I experienced failure for the first time in my life and didn't know how to deal with it"

I can assure you they don’t .I’ve spent decades masking both to wider circles hence overwhelm and burnout. My attention to detail is high. My daughter is the same. She has an EHCP and 3 x nhs diagnosis. Slipped completely under the radar throughout school until she fell to pieces.

I bet they do know. When I was diagnosed I told friends and relatives and was shocked to find out they'd always known and I was the last one to figure it out.

What services are people going without because women are being late diagnosed?

Nobody at work knows I have autism and adhd and very few friends and wider family do but I absolutely do have both I can sure you.

You just can not say you know what conditions other people have. 🤔The arrogance in that statement is huge.

@Willyoujustbequiet I get it, and I do agree that it's unlikely all the people who suspect they have it will have it. I also do believe that there are some unscrupulous private care providers who are using the current trend as a way to cash in. In theory no one can be diagnosed without having presence of symptoms prior to the age of 12 but I suspect that's not being adhered to. I know that even in my case they've given me permission to use my DH as the person who's known me the longest as I'm NC with my mother and birth father (long story) and lived with my step father and step grandmother from the age of 11. But they weren't particularly aware of my struggles until they reached breaking point. My DH has known me since 16 so the assessment people accepted his report. I'd happily give them my school history but I don't have access to it, only the list of primary schools I attended. So on the one hand I can see why assessment centres have to use their own judgement, but I can also see how some are just putting people through on a production line and all they can see is the £££.

However I do feel we shouldn't be surprised if the majority of people who self identify do end up diagnosed. By definition, the % of people who say they have it will be higher than the population average of people who actually have it. Because the pre diagnosed population is self selecting. It's like being surprised that a high % of people who say they have a broken leg actually have a broken leg. Some won't, some will have sprains, or nerve damage or ligament/tendon damage etc.

However I'm definitely not commenting on your friendship group. I can see why you're frustrated. And I also agree that people are looking for an answer to why life is so hard, when for a lot of people the answer is just that life is hard and we're not always going to be happy. This will have at least partially explained some of the increase.

To the OPs original point though. There's only two things that bother me about the recent trend. Those who claim they've got it without seeking assessment, I've not issue with "I think I might have" or "I suspect I might have" etc. But it's the ones who state with certainty. I also have no issue with posters on here who go "Have you considered <x>" but do take issue to "I think you have <y>".

And the second issue is those who use it as an excuse. This is a grey area for me, one of the reasons I am pursuing a diagnosis is because I've spent a lifetime trying to do as people expected of me and letting them down time and again without meaning to. Particularly social aspects, I opt out of a lot of social occasions. And even the ones I accept I tend be on the periphery. I have repeatedly been called "Cold", "Un friendly", "Un grateful" etc. Because people invite me to all these lovely things and extend friendship and I don't reciprocate/respond as they'd expect. If my friends needed me at 2am to open my house and give them a place to sleep or to listen to them on the phone I'd do it. But turn up to a group BBQ on a sunny Saturday 😬 not a chance. What I've found is people often get the wrong impression of me, and whilst I've spent a lifetime doing various emotional intelligence courses and improving my social skills I feel this is the last piece of the puzzle where I can give a viable explanation that people might understand. But it's a fine line isn't it... it doesn't mean I can opt out of my responsibilities or work... But it's definitely starting to give me words and explanations I didn't have before so rather than me getting to breaking point I'm able to recognise issues earlier and able finally building up a toolkit of methods to handle these situations where prior to now I've always just 'powered through' like I thought I should.

I'm sorry for your struggles. I did say that I'm not suggesting that there aren't people who don't have it who haven't slipped through the net.

But as for my social circle I can speak confidently. Those women don't have ADHD or anything coming close to resembling it. I have known them and their families decades, worked with some. I'm not saying they don't have other issues but they absolutely do not have ADHD. It outrages me that they claim to given that they are fully aware of DC experience and how severely impacted a genuine sufferer is. I don't know how they can keep a straight face. It's not something that you can cherry pick as and when needed.

What they are is burnt out and overwhelmed and juggling too many plates.

I suspect this is reflected throughout the country. Certainly numerous professionals involved with dc have made comments to that effect. It's an avalanche happening atm and it results in the public perception of how serious ADHD is being challenged. The knock on effect is services already vulnerable due to lack of resources are overwhelmed and desperate people in need are going without.

@Willyoujustbequiet I can't speak for your friends but I would implore you not to make so many assumptions. You may not know as much as you think you do.

Speaking from personal experience I sound just like your friends.
House, Successful career, 2 kids, Marriage and a Masters from Uni. What you wouldn't see even as my friend is the depressive episode when I was younger where I almost did something awful, self-harm, eating disorder, generalised anxiety and complete inability to function at times. My DH covers for a lot of these issues. If it wasn't for him I'd probably barely leave the house, but he makes up for a lot of the things I struggle with.

It still doesn't stop me from commonly having meltdowns that leave me speechless and unable to function/respond and having evenings where I literally sit in the dark in silence cause I just can't face any 'more' of anything. Or that fact that my mind is constantly racing despite the constant overwhelm.

I'm fortunate that I'm able to pull myself together enough to function each day and hold down my job in a way that others sometimes can't. But I'm constantly walking this tightrope of 'just about coping' with a combination of his support and therapy.

If I hadn't met him I honestly don't think I'd still be here. But I'm on the waitlist for assessment for both ADHD and ASD (Aged 33) cause despite a lifetime of therapists and mental health problems that I've not been able to fix, I've finally found something that explains the issues I have day-to-day and I've never had that before. I've been able to implement strategies recommended for people who have ADHD and ASD and have found noticeable positive changes which have amazed me.

And another point - I'm female but consider male suicide. The common story is "We didn't know a thing, then suddenly he was gone". Plenty of people hide their struggles well until eventually, they can't.

Like I said - I can't speak for your friends, and I do hear your frustration. But you invariably won't know the whole story.