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Original poster

My boyfriend gets mad if we don’t have sex

211 replies

Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 01:48

I have been with my partner coming up to 4 years, are sex life used to be really good multiple times daily. Obviously a lot has changed and life has got much busier over the years and due to this we tend to have sex around 3-4 times a week mostly due to busy life’s being tired and I’ve been prescribed 150mg of sertraline.

I haven’t been on any medication for a few days due to running out and waiting on my prescription due to this I’ve been feeling unwell. I’ve been feeling crappy for the past two days, today I haven’t been able get out of bed. As soon as he gets home from work he just wants my absolute attention he has to be constantly in my space which I don’t mind but when I’m not we’ll and I’m sweating one minute and cold the next the last thing I want to be doing is being cuddled. after about an hour of cuddling I moved away to sit up because I felt sick and I told him I just need my own space for a minute he then said to me that I never show him any intimacy I never let him touch me that I never touch him that we never do anything. I told him that we had literally been cuddling and I needed some space as i feel Ill and he laughed at me like yeah okay then you feel ill.

so after a couple of hours doing our own thing we was chilling again cuddling and watching tv. He’s then trying to make a move on me sexually which I told him I don’t want to do as I do not feel well. He then proceeded to push me of him he told me that im boring that I never want to do anything. He said that he is a man and a man has needs, he went on to accuse me of cheating and fucking someone else and told me that he is leaving tomorrow to find someone who’ll have sex with him when ever he wants.

well I got up out of bed and went downstairs to sleep on the sofa, he was continuing to shout me and kept coming downstairs waking me up. I told him I wanted to be left alone and he just kept coming in and turning the lights off. He makes a lot of jokes about our sex life to people he’ll say things like “you must be mad if you think I get touched” , “ mines not been used in ages”. But I really don’t understand because it’s not like we don’t ever have sex we do have sex. I’ll name the days when we last had sex and he’ll tell me that I’m lying and it’s been longer than that.

i Really don’t know what to do should I be having more sex with him. I do try to as much as I can but I am tired a lot of the time

OP posts:
SirSmellyJohn · 03/08/2023 03:06

I knew a lady married to a man like this. He was abusive generally not just around sex and this lady is terrified of him as were his children. He would belittle her and tell her she was sinning as a wife by not fulfilling her religious duties to him. He threatened to leave her often. Would get very nasty if she did anything he disapproved of. And was not only occasionally violent to her but to the children also. They, the children are adults now and both have a lot of issues mental health wise.

I'm not sure if she was ever raped by him. But certainly felt she had to give in to him. Even when it was painful for her.

GrumpyPanda · 03/08/2023 02:48

Get him a rubber doll for his "needs", and call police to help you make him leave. Poor you.

Ladyj84 · 03/08/2023 02:38

Wow what a nice partner to have while you feel down and unwell. Let him go he doesn't love you. I got very bad depression after twins my hubby didn't get it for about a year and never once mentioned sex either. He was more than happy to cuddle and take care of me while I was so unwell. You should not have let your Sertraline run out that also will send you on a downer, I did it once many years ago and now always make sure my prescription is ready before the last lot run out.

ClaraBourne · 03/08/2023 02:34

Are you on the sofa in your home while he is in the bed?

Addicted2Kale · 03/08/2023 02:31

Go to the bathroom. Lock yourself in. Tell him you're leaving (and mean it). Second he raises his voice, call 999 and have them listen in to his abusive ranting. Tell them you want him to leave, but he's refusing and you're in fear of your life. Let the police do the rest and you leave him. Permanently.

ilovesooty · 03/08/2023 02:28

Go to your mother's.

Call the police if he harasses you.

And do the Freedom Programme to learn that you don't have to put up with this abuse.

He won't kill himself and even if he does it's not your responsibility.

Catpuss66 · 03/08/2023 02:27

You have got to want a different life. Ring women’s aid they will support you. Men will treat you badly only if you let them.

JennyJenny8675309 · 03/08/2023 02:25

It would be your good fortune to never entertain his dick again.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 03/08/2023 02:18

Are you sure your birth certificate is ' lost'.? Anyway, if you go on the government.uk website you can get a replacement fur £11 plus £4 for recorded delivery.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 03/08/2023 02:13

You are in an abusive relationship. His behaviour is abusive. You need to leave ASAP.

Contact womens aid for help. You are being abused. You need to leave.

AcrossthePond55 · 03/08/2023 02:13

Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 02:01

He really doesn’t I’m the one sleeping on a sofa tonight whilst he is upstairs in bed sleeping sound asleep. Every time I do try to leave him he’ll come round to my house and harass me or cry suicide. I really do feel stuck at the moment.

he’ll come round to my house

So you don't actually live together? Sweetie, pack your bag and leave this little piss-ant. You don't need his shit, especially when you're feeling down and are vulnerable. And as far as his showing up at your house, if he harasses you or cries suicide, call the police. And remember that you are not his keeper and the decisions he makes are HIS and nothing to do with you.

I feel like I’m less of a woman because I can’t fulfill his needs

You aren't 'less of woman' because he's not much of a man. And his 'a man has needs' is as old as the hills. I heard that shit 50 years ago as a young teen. My mother (God rest her) heard the same line in the 1940s. I expect that Eve heard it from Adam. Have you ever heard any reports of men's balls exploding due to lack of sex? Nah, me neither.

Leave. Just leave. You are worth so much more than he is capable of giving you.

Kitkatcatflap · 03/08/2023 02:13

He won't change, it won't get any better. Can you imagine your life in the future .... humiliating you in front of friends, harassing you and threatening you when you are ill will be the tip of the iceberg, it will only get worse if you have accept this behaviour now. Please leave, he won't commit suicide. Can your family help.

YoureALizardHarry11 · 03/08/2023 02:13

3-4 times a week is very healthy! What the fuck is wrong with that twat? Dump his desperate abusive arse! How unattractive 🤮 You don’t exist to service him.

GarlicGrace · 03/08/2023 02:13

I was actually horrified reading your OP, @Poppy23xx. I am not easily horrified.

It's no surprise to hear he's more or less trapped you. He's a full-scale abuser and you need space to heal. It's good that you at least have your mum on your side, please lean on her.

When he comes round making a fuss outside her door, call the police. Every time. All of what he's doing is wrong, some of it illegal.

Get your future started! Flowers

fullbloom87 · 03/08/2023 02:12

You say you used to have a healthy sex life because you had it multiple times a day??
How did you manage that with work? Maybe twice a day morning and night but honestly..multiple times a day? I don't think that's healthy that's a sex addiction.
Ii can't believe you even put out for this absolute loser 3-4 times a week.
He's abusive and vile and you can do better OP, Bin him.

Treesinmygarden · 03/08/2023 02:11

Go back to your mum's and call the police every single time he turns up!

Original poster
Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 02:10

I have my own place where he stays but he refuses to leave when I ask and when we have broken up previously he has climbed into my windows and harassed me so if I was to break up I would need to move but at the moment I can’t afford anywhere as I am out of work.

OP posts:
Original poster
Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 02:09

I’m currently looking for employment I was working in a bar but he didn’t like me coming back in the late hours it would be an argument when I’d get back at 3am untill 6 am he would go on and on and on accusing me of everything to the point I would just be so tired. I ended up quitting that job & I’ve been looking since. I left him in charge of my birth certificate and his birth certificate for sending our passports for recorded delievery. My documents were all lost but they have received him so at the moment I have no birth certificate so I’m just waiting to get some money in my bank so I can buy my self a new one and get my self a job and hopefully get my own place from there.

OP posts:
mrswaldron · 03/08/2023 02:09

Just seen your latest update. Go to your mum's, block him on everything and ring the police the minute he turns up causing trouble. He sounds worse and worse!

Someoneonlyyouknow · 03/08/2023 02:09

It's not your fault he isn't attractive. It's not your fault he doesn't turn you on the way he used to. Let him go, get well, then look for somebody who will care for you the way you deserve.

Treesinmygarden · 03/08/2023 02:09

He is a vile POS - having just re-read your OP. Why would you want this fucking bastard in your life?!

mrswaldron · 03/08/2023 02:07

What's your living situation? You say that he comes around to your house? Do you have your own place? Don't feel bad about yourself as you are not the problem here. He is a pathetic excuse of a man and you would be so much better off without him. Do you have any friends or family you could confide in?

Original poster
Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 02:07

I feel so ashamed the amount of things that I’ve put up with he cheated on me twice and I did actually leave him. I ended up back at my mums house and I blocked him on everything I was doing so well but he kept turning up to my mums house refusing to leave threatening to kick my mums door in if I did come out and talk to him. Thats just when I ended up going back to him because it’s just a lot more peaceful for everyone if I do

OP posts:
CrazyArmadilloLady · 03/08/2023 02:07

I have voted YANBU, but I do think you’re being very unreasonable to keep this man in your life.

Crying suicide? Please. That’s the most pathetically manipulative trick in the book.

I would be so worried for you if you were my daughter.

Please leave him. As a PP said, I’m sure your mental health will vastly improve once he’s out of your life.

You deserve much better Flowers

Treesinmygarden · 03/08/2023 02:04

Reach out to someone IRL, anyone, a parent, a sibling, a friend. Please, please, get yourself out of this abusive relationship x

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