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Original poster

My boyfriend gets mad if we don’t have sex

211 replies

Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 01:48

I have been with my partner coming up to 4 years, are sex life used to be really good multiple times daily. Obviously a lot has changed and life has got much busier over the years and due to this we tend to have sex around 3-4 times a week mostly due to busy life’s being tired and I’ve been prescribed 150mg of sertraline.

I haven’t been on any medication for a few days due to running out and waiting on my prescription due to this I’ve been feeling unwell. I’ve been feeling crappy for the past two days, today I haven’t been able get out of bed. As soon as he gets home from work he just wants my absolute attention he has to be constantly in my space which I don’t mind but when I’m not we’ll and I’m sweating one minute and cold the next the last thing I want to be doing is being cuddled. after about an hour of cuddling I moved away to sit up because I felt sick and I told him I just need my own space for a minute he then said to me that I never show him any intimacy I never let him touch me that I never touch him that we never do anything. I told him that we had literally been cuddling and I needed some space as i feel Ill and he laughed at me like yeah okay then you feel ill.

so after a couple of hours doing our own thing we was chilling again cuddling and watching tv. He’s then trying to make a move on me sexually which I told him I don’t want to do as I do not feel well. He then proceeded to push me of him he told me that im boring that I never want to do anything. He said that he is a man and a man has needs, he went on to accuse me of cheating and fucking someone else and told me that he is leaving tomorrow to find someone who’ll have sex with him when ever he wants.

well I got up out of bed and went downstairs to sleep on the sofa, he was continuing to shout me and kept coming downstairs waking me up. I told him I wanted to be left alone and he just kept coming in and turning the lights off. He makes a lot of jokes about our sex life to people he’ll say things like “you must be mad if you think I get touched” , “ mines not been used in ages”. But I really don’t understand because it’s not like we don’t ever have sex we do have sex. I’ll name the days when we last had sex and he’ll tell me that I’m lying and it’s been longer than that.

i Really don’t know what to do should I be having more sex with him. I do try to as much as I can but I am tired a lot of the time

OP posts:
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jannier · 11/07/2026 18:12

BlackRaven22 · 08/07/2026 09:21

Me n my dude has been together for a month now and he can’t take no for an answer like if he wants to have sex n I say no he will ignore me n act all sad and he waited till I was asleep from drinking to do it and I told him stop bc I’m living with my mom so like am I wrong like should I give it to him when ever since we r together or is he being a manipulative person

That's rape report him and dump him

StarlightLady · 08/07/2026 09:30

BlackRaven22 · 08/07/2026 09:21

Me n my dude has been together for a month now and he can’t take no for an answer like if he wants to have sex n I say no he will ignore me n act all sad and he waited till I was asleep from drinking to do it and I told him stop bc I’m living with my mom so like am I wrong like should I give it to him when ever since we r together or is he being a manipulative person

It is sad the OP was a victim of abusive behaviour from a male.

But why are people commenting on a post that is 3 years old. Mumsnet HQ have even advised about this upthread.

BlackRaven22 · 08/07/2026 09:21

Me n my dude has been together for a month now and he can’t take no for an answer like if he wants to have sex n I say no he will ignore me n act all sad and he waited till I was asleep from drinking to do it and I told him stop bc I’m living with my mom so like am I wrong like should I give it to him when ever since we r together or is he being a manipulative person

MNHQ
HopeMumsnet · 08/07/2026 08:26

Hi all,
This thread is rather old and we very much hope that the person who posted it has moved on with her life - if anyone wants to start a new thread the way to do it is to hit 'start thread' at the top right hand of this page.

StarlightLady · 08/07/2026 08:18

This thread is 3 years old. Hopefully the OP is in pastures new by now.

Elsvieta · 08/07/2026 08:03

Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 02:09

I’m currently looking for employment I was working in a bar but he didn’t like me coming back in the late hours it would be an argument when I’d get back at 3am untill 6 am he would go on and on and on accusing me of everything to the point I would just be so tired. I ended up quitting that job & I’ve been looking since. I left him in charge of my birth certificate and his birth certificate for sending our passports for recorded delievery. My documents were all lost but they have received him so at the moment I have no birth certificate so I’m just waiting to get some money in my bank so I can buy my self a new one and get my self a job and hopefully get my own place from there.

I've never needed to show my birth certificate for a job - passport or driving licence is accepted for ID.

Go back to your place, get a job and call the police if he harasses you. If he threatens suicide, call an ambulance and he won't pull that stunt again. It's a common manipulation technique from his type.

It'll be more "peaceful" for your family's well as you in the long run when you've ended it for good. I don't suppose your mother is getting a moment's peace knowing you're with someone like him.

EstherGreenwood63 · 08/07/2026 07:06

Oh dear. Get rid. You can certainly do better. Why are you putting up with this shit? OH. ZOMBIE.

BlackRaven22 · 08/07/2026 06:24

So me and my boyfriend has been together for a month now n he wanted to have sex the second day after being together I told him no he ignored me n act all sad

TheWestfoldFell · 01/01/2024 16:28

Poppy23xx · 03/08/2023 01:48

I have been with my partner coming up to 4 years, are sex life used to be really good multiple times daily. Obviously a lot has changed and life has got much busier over the years and due to this we tend to have sex around 3-4 times a week mostly due to busy life’s being tired and I’ve been prescribed 150mg of sertraline.

I haven’t been on any medication for a few days due to running out and waiting on my prescription due to this I’ve been feeling unwell. I’ve been feeling crappy for the past two days, today I haven’t been able get out of bed. As soon as he gets home from work he just wants my absolute attention he has to be constantly in my space which I don’t mind but when I’m not we’ll and I’m sweating one minute and cold the next the last thing I want to be doing is being cuddled. after about an hour of cuddling I moved away to sit up because I felt sick and I told him I just need my own space for a minute he then said to me that I never show him any intimacy I never let him touch me that I never touch him that we never do anything. I told him that we had literally been cuddling and I needed some space as i feel Ill and he laughed at me like yeah okay then you feel ill.

so after a couple of hours doing our own thing we was chilling again cuddling and watching tv. He’s then trying to make a move on me sexually which I told him I don’t want to do as I do not feel well. He then proceeded to push me of him he told me that im boring that I never want to do anything. He said that he is a man and a man has needs, he went on to accuse me of cheating and fucking someone else and told me that he is leaving tomorrow to find someone who’ll have sex with him when ever he wants.

well I got up out of bed and went downstairs to sleep on the sofa, he was continuing to shout me and kept coming downstairs waking me up. I told him I wanted to be left alone and he just kept coming in and turning the lights off. He makes a lot of jokes about our sex life to people he’ll say things like “you must be mad if you think I get touched” , “ mines not been used in ages”. But I really don’t understand because it’s not like we don’t ever have sex we do have sex. I’ll name the days when we last had sex and he’ll tell me that I’m lying and it’s been longer than that.

i Really don’t know what to do should I be having more sex with him. I do try to as much as I can but I am tired a lot of the time

Leave him. I'm currently divorcing someone who once said to me that he'd read an article that stated - men need at least a blowjob or a hand job a day to keep healthy"

See my other thread from today. It gets worse.

TheWestfoldFell · 20/11/2023 16:31

Leave the bastard now and report him for aexual assault and coerxice control.

LifeExperience · 20/11/2023 16:01

Call the police to get him out and change the locks.

LBFseBrom · 20/11/2023 15:47

He sounds dreadful, op.

Contact Womens' Aid and tell them everything you have told us here, see what suggestions they can make and what support they offer. You know you must end this appalling, abusive relationship.

The fact that you have been prescribed Sertraline is very telling.

You will leave this man and things will get better but you must reach out to someone/an organisation for help right now.

I send you every good wish for the future.

welcometothnuthouse · 20/11/2023 15:39

Bloody zombie thread!

welcometothnuthouse · 20/11/2023 15:38

I'd smack his lights out of you were my dd and fuck the outcome, don't care that anyway. He's a total arsehole, you've got your own place you don't need this rapey twat.

SwordToFlamethrower · 20/11/2023 15:31

His needs don't trump yours! You are not his cum bucket, you do not exist to satisfy his needs.

What a horrible man!

Bin him off before it escalates and he takes what he thinks he is entitled to.

Never ever marry this man, he will think marriage = Consent.

Nanny0gg · 20/11/2023 14:31

Dream246 · 20/11/2023 13:44

With respect, you're actually in the perfect position to finish it. When he goes out, have the locks changed and remove all of his things. If he tries to kick the door down call the police Immediately. Its your place so kick him out! he's manipulated you our of a job, into thinking that sex 3 -4 times a week isn't much and generally into not standing up for yourself and telling him to f**k off! Clearly he's emotionally abused you and also, sex shouldn't be something you're doing to keep him happy! It's a 2 way street and should be enjoyed by both, not a chore so as not to cause a row! With the most respect, you need to grow pair and tell him where to go otherwise you,'ll end up stuck with him further down the line

The OP hasn't posted since the beginning of August, so we can only keep our fingers crossed that she's found the strength to leave. Somehow I doubt it though Sad

Dream246 · 20/11/2023 13:44

With respect, you're actually in the perfect position to finish it. When he goes out, have the locks changed and remove all of his things. If he tries to kick the door down call the police Immediately. Its your place so kick him out! he's manipulated you our of a job, into thinking that sex 3 -4 times a week isn't much and generally into not standing up for yourself and telling him to f**k off! Clearly he's emotionally abused you and also, sex shouldn't be something you're doing to keep him happy! It's a 2 way street and should be enjoyed by both, not a chore so as not to cause a row! With the most respect, you need to grow pair and tell him where to go otherwise you,'ll end up stuck with him further down the line

fullbloom87 · 03/08/2023 20:05

@Jumpingthruhoops

Citilopram did that to me but sertraline made my libido go through the roof. Everyone's different though.

Jumpingthruhoops · 03/08/2023 19:40

guineacup · 03/08/2023 18:17

Really bad advice imo... the OP's sex drive is the least of her concerns at the moment. And besides, her abusive partner is far more likely to be the root cause of any issue. Why would she want her sex drive to increase just at the moment?

Her priority needs to be to manage and cope with ending her relationship, not becoming horny and risk giving in to temptation from her abusive partner!

Show quote history

I wasn't remotely thinking about that - but good on you for getting it off your chest!
I think I made it clear what I thought about the boyfriend situation.

I was merely highlighting, as a separate issue, that loss of libido IS a known side-effect of antidepressants like Sertraline, which the OP may not be aware of.

guineacup · 03/08/2023 18:17

Jumpingthruhoops · 03/08/2023 17:11

Wow! This post is so full of red flags, I don't know where to start! If I was you, I'd let him leave.

On a side note, I know Sertraline can affect sex drive. Might be something to talk to your GP about. But on your terms, of course!

Really bad advice imo... the OP's sex drive is the least of her concerns at the moment. And besides, her abusive partner is far more likely to be the root cause of any issue. Why would she want her sex drive to increase just at the moment?

Her priority needs to be to manage and cope with ending her relationship, not becoming horny and risk giving in to temptation from her abusive partner!

Jumpingthruhoops · 03/08/2023 17:11

Wow! This post is so full of red flags, I don't know where to start! If I was you, I'd let him leave.

On a side note, I know Sertraline can affect sex drive. Might be something to talk to your GP about. But on your terms, of course!

GG1986 · 03/08/2023 16:40

Ltb! He has no respect for you.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 03/08/2023 16:31

Ugh He's treating you as his personal sex slave and gets angry when you're off duty
You need to feel cared for and respected not only for a sex life but in every part of your relationship
I don't think you'd need Sertraline if you got rid of him
Life's too short to put up with this

iamenougheveryday · 03/08/2023 16:24

ManateeFair · 03/08/2023 10:27

He's absolutely vile and you need to leave him.

He's abusive, ffs.

He is living in her home. It is ridiculous. I bloody hope she has come to her senses and has called the police today.

TRexTara · 03/08/2023 12:10

He is abusive. There is no doubt. He will only get worse over time and will try everything to trap you. Do not get pregnant to this selfish man. He will ruin you and your child's life. Leave then Call the police every time he harasses you, every single time.