5 year old wetting herself on purpose, what do I do?

Teach her about the anatomy of the body so she understands why to wee.... Get some water balloons and slowly fill them up until they pop. Explain this is her bladder.

Hi OP - I take it you’re talking about full bladder emptying, not just a little bit because she has left it too late, for example? Is she just turned 5 or closer to 6?

My DS went through a phase of doing this - he is 5 and a half now but it wasn’t that long ago. Sometimes it was just a dribble and then he would run off, a couple of times he has full on wet himself at school and come home in ‘spare’ trousers. I’ve asked him why he is wearing someone else’s trousers and he merrily said “I wet myself because I was laughing too much”
It’s definitely for similar reasons - he can’t tear himself away from something. I just said back each time in a neutral voice “ok sweetie well let’s try and make it to the toilet sooner next time, ok?” and eventually he did. It’s been a good few months since it happened last but I’m not ruling out it never happening again.

Does she get up to wee in the night?? My DS goes for a wee pretty much every night without fail.

Are we happy as a society to breastfeed 5 year olds? Not sure that’s an accurate statement! I’d argue that elements in this country have issues accepting breastfeeding newborns..

I'm a reception teacher.
You need to look at the cause of why she's doing it, she can't tear herself away. She isn't being malicious.
Look into ADHD and possibly ASD assessments.

I think you are making too much fuss about it. Try to be matter of fact, deal with it and move on. She will outgrow it. As a society we are happy to still Breast feed 5 year olds but disappointed if they wet themselves??

maybe for 5/6 days and then it stops for a month or two

Does this coincide with something that might be distressing her?

Not only this, the increased pressure makes it hard for the body to recognise the feeling of needing to wee, since they become desensitised to the full feeling.

Also, they may be fearful to go to the toilet incase they poo, as pooing is likely to be painful. My daughter always had accidents when she was withholding poo. It’s a vicious cycle as withholding obviously causes impaction.

My daughter still pooed semi regularly, but it was bypass. And she had an excellent diet (although did have cmpa which had an impact)

If it definitely seems because she was too busy playing, I'd be getting her involved in getting changed and clearing up the mess - taking off her wet clothes with help, washing herself, putting them in the washing machine and fetching clean ones to put on.

Could you also do regular timers and incorporate toileting into transitions e.g. before mealtimes and leaving the house.

My DD was a nightmare at this but later diagnosed with ASD and apparently having less awareness of things like needing the loo is part of that. Any other behaviours you might consider neurodiverse?

Ask for a referral to the Paeds continence nurse. My eldest had this due to being impacted. Their stools were mostly normal but it was overflow.

They had no control over it although to an outsider it could have looked as if they simply couldn't be bothered to go to the loo/were engrossed in what they were doing

Basically don't presume a child knows what they mean 100%

*Wets herself

Remember that because she's only 5 she might not be using the right words to properly explain herself.

It could well be what PP are pointing out ie constipation, faecal impaction which of course she has no idea what that is or how that affects her reasoning as to why she was herself

⬆️ this ⬆️

I fully agree.

My 7 year old has been trained since 2 and still does this - fortunately it’s rare these days, it last happened about two months ago. She has suffered with impaction since she was an infant.

Just because they are going to the toilet does not mean they are not impacted.

Getting angry and punishing her won't help.

Having the odd accident at 5 isn't unusual at all.

I think you are probably paying too much attention to her account of "I just chose to wet myself". I doubt this is right. It's very common for dc of that age to not really know why they did something, or not to be able to recall, and to give the account they thing the adult is expecting.

Her brain isn't developed like an adult brain yet. She lacks impulse control, which is something she needs to stop playing and go to the toilet.

Just don't make a big deal of it tbh. It will pass.

I’m going to 3rd constipation. My kids have both had mild issues with it and it’s lead to wee accidents.

** possible cause, sorry.

So sorry, that sounded short and glib. I did not mean to be judging you, and maybe there is a simpler solution. My very little experience of this was that it was a reaction to some stresses but I can see there could be different reasons and solutions.

They do get involved and leave it too late sometimes. I'd stop with the stickers, treats, loo every hour. Just make sure she goes before you leave the house. My youngest couldn't have squash irritated his bladder. Left school needing the loo so we had to stop on the road sometimes.

Please don't dismiss impaction as a cause.

Children’s bladder health: bladder problems and incontinence - ERIC

I don’t think you should punish her for wetting herself…

I think the best thing to do is to try to make as little a deal out of it as possible and ride it out. This will pass. I understand how frustrating it must be though..

My son went through a stage of doing this, I honestly think it was just pure laziness which he eventually outgrew but at the time it felt like it lasted ages. He would be so absorbed in what he was doing he just couldn't be bothered. It was very frustrating but feels like a distant memory now. I agree on just neutral cleaning her up and hope it passes quickly for you!

Just be matter of fact and kind. This too shall.pass.

Take it that she is distressed about something and try to think what it is. Then go from there.