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Original poster

5 year old wetting herself on purpose, what do I do?

55 replies

Majesty · 27/06/2023 22:13

Just after advice because I’m at my wits end. 5 year old has been potty trained since she was 2. Dry, day and night for years. Except she goes through phases where she wets herself because she can’t be bothered to go to the toilet. If asked, she will literally say she didn’t want to stop what she was doing and go to the toilet so just wets herself instead. I’ve tried ignoring it, punishing her, leaving her in her damp clothes (for a few minutes so she gets the wet feeling), taking her to the toilet hourly. I’ve threatened her with nappies at school, I’ve bought her special pants that will be thrown away if she wets them. We’ve done sticker charts to stay dry, treats out etc. Ive switched her clothes to make it easier to pull them up/down. Nothing works. She doesn’t care about having wet pants, she just wants to keep playing. When she wets her pants we stop what we are doing and go in so it doesn’t even work!
I've had her checked for urine infections and nothing. I googled and sexual abuse came up, it’s definitely not that. I just don’t know what to do! It’s not all the time, maybe for 5/6 days and then it stops for a month or two, and then she starts again. She’s an intelligent child with good communication skills. Is more than capable of going to the toilet by herself. What can I do?

OP posts:
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MuggleMe · 04/07/2026 23:50

How involved does she get with the clean up? I'd be asking her to 'finish her wee' then take her clothes off herself, you hand her a damp cloth to wash herself with then she puts all directly into the washing machine and grabs spares to change into herself while you're dealing with the puddle.

If the inconvenience of popping to the loo becomes less than the clean up she might stop?

BlueBubblegum47 · 04/07/2026 23:13

Im going through the exact same thing. My child would rather wet herself than just go the toilet. Even if you ask her to go the toilet or remind her, she will actually lie and say she doesn't need it and refuse to go and still wet herself. She will then carry on playing, not bothered that her pants are wet...just so she can carry on playing. It isnt every single time she needs a wee but more often than not it will be 3/4/5 times. Ive tried everything and it just seems to be getting worse. The new one is kind of the opposite but is still a toilet concern...she will just pull her pants down in the street there and then and just start weeing. I just don't know what to do

NameChangeThreeThousand · 29/06/2023 09:39

Both my boys did this! Younger one (who is now 9) will still very occasionally wet himself when playing computer games, instead of taking a break to use the toilet! Mostly though he's grown out of it. Older DS grew out of it a bit quicker!

I generally dealt with it by not making a fuss. Helped them get changed, talked about using the toilet next time and move on. Is not a big deal and don't make it one or it will become a huge problem.

LoopyLoo1991 · 29/06/2023 09:34

I picked up an infection that caused an irritation when I was about 8.
Every time I pooed, I wanted to wee constantly for about an hour afterwards.
Would wee like 5 or 6 times but still got the 'gotta pee' feelings.
Think it lasted a couple of months?
Completely separately at a different time one of my half sisters had a similar thing. I was a foster family and we couldn't have picked up an infection from same place.
Could it be similar to that?

Original poster
Majesty · 29/06/2023 09:18

thanks everyone. I’ll have a look at ERIC. I’m pretty sure it’s not ASD or ADHD because older sibling has both so I’ve spent half my life researching all the different aspects and she has no other signs of it. I’ve started tracking her poops (so glamorous!) to see if it changes depending on her pooping as it does seem to be phases. For those who’ve suggested it, I always make her clean and change and will usually go with her but don’t help as she’s more than capable :)

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 29/06/2023 00:02

ithinkifeelaliveagain · 28/06/2023 21:37

If it really is because she is prioritising play over going to the toilet then you need to make sure she is the one who has to go and get a change of clothes from her drawer and get herself changed, my ds sometimes used to do this too and I’d just say oops, well now you will need to go upstairs and get yourself washed and changed before you can go back to playing. And that was a lot more effort than just going to the toilet in the first place so it helped him get his priorities the right way round!!

YYY to this.

'Busy little girl' syndrome is what it's unofficially called. You can call the cleaning up after herself 'consequences' or 'being completely responsible for all aspects of her toileting'. Don't present cleaning herself up as a matter of punishment/ shame.

justasking111 · 28/06/2023 23:27

Orange juice in the cinema once meant three visits to the loo for my five year old.

nimski · 28/06/2023 23:07

And agree we were told not to give my daughter dark/berry juices and squash

curlywurlylover666 · 28/06/2023 23:00

CoachBeardsJane · 28/06/2023 22:53

@curlywurlylover666 yes it is a real thing! Dark juices cause bladder irritation. Here is a screenshot from Great Ormond Street plus bladder and bowel uk

www.bbuk.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Overactive-Bladder-Syndrome-adult-Bladder-Bowel-UK.pdf

www.gosh.nhs.uk/conditions-and-treatments/procedures-and-treatments/keeping-your-childs-bladder-healthy/

Thank you, this is interesting. We have some similar issues with my 5 year old and most of the time she has milk and water. However I do wonder if the issues might be linked to apple and blackcurrant. The OP child sounds very much like mine.

We've had no instances recently but she's also had no juice recently until this weekend and today when I noticed her Nana has given it to her after school.

CoachBeardsJane · 28/06/2023 22:57

@curlywurlylover666 also Eric's website mention it, eric.org.uk/childrens-bladders/

5 year old wetting herself on purpose, what do I do?
nimski · 28/06/2023 22:57

My daughter had this, since diagnosed with ADHD & ASD.
Cannot stop what she is doing to go and would sit in wet underwear unconcerned.
ERIC is a helpful website

CoachBeardsJane · 28/06/2023 22:53

@curlywurlylover666 yes it is a real thing! Dark juices cause bladder irritation. Here is a screenshot from Great Ormond Street plus bladder and bowel uk

www.bbuk.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Overactive-Bladder-Syndrome-adult-Bladder-Bowel-UK.pdf

www.gosh.nhs.uk/conditions-and-treatments/procedures-and-treatments/keeping-your-childs-bladder-healthy/

5 year old wetting herself on purpose, what do I do?
5 year old wetting herself on purpose, what do I do?
curlywurlylover666 · 28/06/2023 22:43

CoachBeardsJane · 28/06/2023 21:40

Apple and blackcurrant juice can cause bladder irritation if that's applicable

Is this true? Do you have anything I can read please?

Yabbadabbadotime · 28/06/2023 22:10

My DS had a phase of this, screens & certain board & card games were worst.

What solved it was, bans on whatever activity he was doing when he wet himself.

It worked.

CoachBeardsJane · 28/06/2023 22:03

Oh and being urinary incontinent

CoachBeardsJane · 28/06/2023 22:03

@Beginningless small semi- formed poo, diarrhoea, abdo pain and straining to pass small poo. It's because the diarrhoea can pass round the blockage (sorry you did ask)!

Beginningless · 28/06/2023 22:01

dinkybella77 · 28/06/2023 21:14

I work with young children. In my experience this is often related to chronic constipation and being impacted. Even if she is still pooing daily. Sometimes it comes before the soiling. ERIC website as others have said is really helpful

I’m curious what are the signs of impaction in a child who poos daily?

PragmaticWench · 28/06/2023 21:50

Once you've ruled out constipation...

Is it a full wee (entire bladder) or just a little and she then realises and stops or runs to the toilet?

Asking as my DS did this until he was five, despite potty training just fine, and only when he was engrossed in something. Full bladder release and he wouldn't even notice. How could he not realise?! Turns out it was ADHD. Lots of other signs later but that now makes so much sense.

Lilly0909 · 28/06/2023 21:44

ithinkifeelaliveagain · 28/06/2023 21:37

If it really is because she is prioritising play over going to the toilet then you need to make sure she is the one who has to go and get a change of clothes from her drawer and get herself changed, my ds sometimes used to do this too and I’d just say oops, well now you will need to go upstairs and get yourself washed and changed before you can go back to playing. And that was a lot more effort than just going to the toilet in the first place so it helped him get his priorities the right way round!!

I love this! Logical consequences, amazing X

CoachBeardsJane · 28/06/2023 21:40

Apple and blackcurrant juice can cause bladder irritation if that's applicable

ithinkifeelaliveagain · 28/06/2023 21:37

If it really is because she is prioritising play over going to the toilet then you need to make sure she is the one who has to go and get a change of clothes from her drawer and get herself changed, my ds sometimes used to do this too and I’d just say oops, well now you will need to go upstairs and get yourself washed and changed before you can go back to playing. And that was a lot more effort than just going to the toilet in the first place so it helped him get his priorities the right way round!!

dinkybella77 · 28/06/2023 21:14

I work with young children. In my experience this is often related to chronic constipation and being impacted. Even if she is still pooing daily. Sometimes it comes before the soiling. ERIC website as others have said is really helpful

Belmondo · 28/06/2023 20:44

IneedanewTV · 27/06/2023 22:45

I think you are making too much fuss about it. Try to be matter of fact, deal with it and move on. She will outgrow it. As a society we are happy to still Breast feed 5 year olds but disappointed if they wet themselves??

Sorry don't want to derail but are you talking about UK society?? Because the UK is definitely not happy as a society with breastfeeding 5-yr olds, believe me!

WunWun · 28/06/2023 20:43

I would certainly immediately terminate anything she was doing that she didn't want to stop. I wouldn't do it angrily though.

confusedlots · 28/06/2023 20:40

My friend's daughter was like this but with poo. She potty trained really early (I felt bad in comparison that my daughter was 3 and a few months by the time she got to grips with potty training). But then when she was about 5 she just started pooing in her pants and she didn't care at all. She'd do it at the park, in school etc. usually when she was busy and just didn't want to be bothered with going to the toilet.

My friend was pretty stressed with it all, lots of GP appointments, reading every word on the ERIC website, tried ignoring it, tried punishments, tried bribes etc. It took a while but it just eventually stopped.

Sorry, that's not giving you any advice really, but I know how stressful it can be. Definitely get her checked out again by the GP. And check out the ERIC website if you haven't already