Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be confused and hurt over no invite

255 replies

YouShouldBeDancingYeah · 20/05/2023 18:19

I have been friends with a group of women since my teens. We generally stay in touch via social media / WhatsApp and meet a few times a year locally.
We are all approaching (or are over!) a big birthday this year. I opened FB this morning to find a post from one of the group thanking “all her friends for the best birthday party ever” and loads of photos of them all in her garden celebrating. Obvs I didn’t get the memo…or an invite!
Ive spoken to a few of them over the last few weeks and obviously not one of them mentioned it. Even stranger, I’m due to meet birthday girl for lunch this week and prior to today she’s been behaving completely normally.

The adult in me really just wants to forget it and focus on people in my life who actually want me there. But the inner 13 year old in my head is raging and crying over this and this apparent rejection! And I’m going over and over in my head about what I could have possibly done to be snubbed like that.

So WWYD?

  1. Forget, block and move on
  2. Meet birthday girl for lunch as planned and say nothing?
  3. Meet birthday girl and find out how your invite got so lost in the post…

Thank you!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Legomania · 27/06/2026 22:53

TheWorthyNewt · 27/06/2026 22:52

Tell her you're not lunching with her. No way would I after that!

Show quote history

Hopefully she's over it, three years on!

TheWorthyNewt · 27/06/2026 22:52

YouShouldBeDancingYeah · 20/05/2023 18:19

I have been friends with a group of women since my teens. We generally stay in touch via social media / WhatsApp and meet a few times a year locally.
We are all approaching (or are over!) a big birthday this year. I opened FB this morning to find a post from one of the group thanking “all her friends for the best birthday party ever” and loads of photos of them all in her garden celebrating. Obvs I didn’t get the memo…or an invite!
Ive spoken to a few of them over the last few weeks and obviously not one of them mentioned it. Even stranger, I’m due to meet birthday girl for lunch this week and prior to today she’s been behaving completely normally.

The adult in me really just wants to forget it and focus on people in my life who actually want me there. But the inner 13 year old in my head is raging and crying over this and this apparent rejection! And I’m going over and over in my head about what I could have possibly done to be snubbed like that.

So WWYD?

  1. Forget, block and move on
  2. Meet birthday girl for lunch as planned and say nothing?
  3. Meet birthday girl and find out how your invite got so lost in the post…

Thank you!

Tell her you're not lunching with her. No way would I after that!

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/05/2023 06:52

That’s really good news op. Sadly you missed the party but at least you know you’re just as valued as everyone else.

saraclara · 31/05/2023 06:02

I am so pleased at how it worked out! Mumsnet is so prone to putting the worst possible spin on incidents like this.

You were really sensible to talk it through and not assume the worst of your friends. Life is messy sometimes, and mistakes happen!

silverfullmoon · 31/05/2023 05:27

Ah thats great OP. I am glad you talked to them about it rather than just cutting them off immediately. Phew!

SkaneTos · 30/05/2023 23:45

Thank You for the update!

FictionalCharacter · 30/05/2023 23:43

That’s really good to hear. A happy ending for once!

Onelifeonly · 30/05/2023 23:02

Glad to hear there was an innocent explanation. That must be a massive relief.

Original poster
YouShouldBeDancingYeah · 30/05/2023 21:42

Yes…sorry it’s taken me a long time to update. Was a surprise party with two days notice for invitees. Sister did invites via FB…I’m not FB friends with her sister! No animosity we were just never friends. The friend said she was genuinely confused at some of the guests her sister had invited and knew there were others she’d wanted to be there that weren’t. Group have been in touch they only realised I wasn’t there on the day and thought I couldn’t make it due to last minute invites and the obvious last minute ness of it all. There has been no awkwardness or weirdness I think it was a genuine oversight. Am going to put it behind me. Thanks for all your kind messages I was genuinely very upset.

OP posts:
AnwenDolly · 30/05/2023 17:01

Have you spoken to her yet?

ANiceSliceOfCake · 29/05/2023 09:16

Any update OP?

WorkworkworkworkworkTips · 26/05/2023 07:19

What was the outcome OP?

Kzoct · 25/05/2023 20:23

@KezzabellaB I came to say the same thing!

KezzabellaB · 25/05/2023 19:42

Has there been any updates yet? I'm very invested in this 😆

WestendVBroadway · 22/05/2023 22:36

I think I would find it hard to be cordial to birthday girl, just ask!

DrManhattan · 22/05/2023 21:21

Any update op?

vickylou78 · 22/05/2023 16:16

I think I would literally have to just ask outright. I'd probably text something like this 'Hi (name), I just wanted to check that you are still wanting to meet up on (x date). I just wanted to check that I've not done anything to upset you, as I was a bit surprised that I wasn't invited to your birthday party the other day.'

Tellmeimcrazy · 22/05/2023 15:48

OP I think we are all dying for ab update.

CabbageKale · 22/05/2023 15:46

Similar happened to me. Person I thought I was besties with had a huge party and didn’t invite me. She did however invite a few people she hardly knew because they were rich and she wanted to be friends with them.

It made me realise that I actually didn’t like the person much. If she could do this to anyone then she wasn’t someone I wanted to be friends with.

Ladyofthelake53 · 22/05/2023 15:16

northernsunshine · 21/05/2023 19:07

You are not being unreasonable but please, please do option 2. Go to lunch, have a nice time and then don’t bother making any effort moving forward and wait to see if she reaches out to you.

please ignore the advice about confronting her, no one is obligated to invite anyone anywhere and it will just through up something unpleasant. No good comes from finding the answer to that question but the fact of the matter is if they wanted you there you would have been invited and you weren’t. Don’t take it personally, these things happen.

Hard to not take personally when everyone has been invited except you id say

wentworthinmate · 22/05/2023 14:37

3 absolutely definitely, that’s bang out of order for such a long friendship. Then depending on her answer maybe 1.

Heyhoitsme · 22/05/2023 10:16

Its a 3 from me

Hotfootit · 22/05/2023 00:23

Similar thing happened to me too. It was a surprise party, but organised by someone who I thought was a good friend too. They (after and on the day of the event) told the birthday girl and another good friend of mine there wasn’t enough room for me to go too. Bollocks - it was a walk in the countryside and an evening at the pub. I think she just forgot about me (the person arranging the surprise has form for this).
I’m glad I asked, as finding out it wasn’t the birthday girl has made things much easier as I see her most weeks.
So basically ask! It will eat you up otherwise and at least by knowing you can decide what effort you can be bothered putting into which friendships. I was initially really hurt, but I’m ok now and have adjusted expectations accordingly.

Hoppysue · 22/05/2023 00:08

Good luck, I hope you get it sorted

Malarandras · 22/05/2023 00:00

This thread kind of illustrates the different outlooks and approaches people have. In this situation I would not dream of asking the other person why I wasn’t invited. I’d be a bit pissed off sure, but I would never ask them. Not because I’m ‘sulking’ but because in the end it really doesn’t matter to me that much. Someone doesn’t want me in their life? Their loss, not mine. I’ve better things to be doing and I get on and do them. I get that for some people this would hurt a lot - I do. But the people thinking ‘you must ask it’s weird not to’ make about as much sense to me as I probably make to them!

Swipe left for the next trending thread