Why do I find being a mum so hard when others seem fine ??

They’re not all fine. Guaranteed. They’re scared of admitting their challenges, so act as though all is ok. The pressure to be seen to be managing it all perfectively is high.

I partly blame social media and the snap shots posted of people’s ‘perfect’ lives. It’s all smoke and mirrors - that one perfect photo that gets posted probably took 3 hours and involved many many tears!

oh. And your OH need to step up, and take his kids even just for a couple of hours. I recommend leaving him with the kids, and go out - shopping, cafe, sleep in the car - whatever works! Just don’t answer your phone…

1. it will get easier as they get older, IME . Mine are now 19 & 16 and two under 5 was far and away the hardest time
2. no one finds it easy. Everyone is melting and dying inside
3. your H needs an appreciation of what it is like, he needs leaving with them whilst you go off and do something - anything - just for you.

Everyone isn't fine. Mine are 2 years apart and it was hideous when they were tiny.

I feel you, OP. I feel like this often, overwhelmed and like I’m drowning. Mine are 5 and just 3! It’s so draining. I just feel tired. My husband feels the same, we are knackered all the time.

It’s such a drag getting them in their car seats, making sure they have water bottles/snacks/shoes on both feet/coats/fucking gloves and hats etc etc!! Our house is a mess the whole time. Kids coughing. Constantly. In your face. Battles over snacks they want (getting in to the cupboards), battles over wanting to do painting but then wanting to do some other messy activity before they’ve even really done any of the painting…cleaning one room, breathing a sigh of relief, going in to another room to find it’s a tip again, cleaning that mess, and whilst you’re doing that, they make a mess of the room you just finished cleaning…

Sorry for ranting on your thread! But I 100% get it. I’m not saying I don’t love my kids. I adore them. I adore being their mummy. But it is very very hard. You are not alone and this will pass. I find it goes in stages. Sometimes it feels manageable and amazing. Others it is like you’re drowning with no end in sight. But it does pass. Does your husband work away? Could he not take the kids out more? Hopefully going back to work will give you some much needed breathing space and adult interaction. I work part time and those days are essential to keep me from cracking up!

There are awful moments exactly as you've described, OP. What you've said there about life being so small - it's a Groundhog Day of reducing an adult sized brain, capacity for thought and productivity and need for stimulation into a 3 year old's concept of the world and that is SO hard.
From what you've said I think you know your husband needs to step up. You haven't said why he's not playing an active role as a parent - is it work schedule, or disinterest? Either way it needs to shift.
What would really help for you is to get some regular, scheduled time away for yourself that you can count on and look forward to - you can manage the poonami on Monday because you know you have a lovely yoga class and no baby bedtime to do on Wednesday and nobody can take that from you. How's the budget, is it possible to hire a babysitter to do a weekly bedtime session if your husband can't/won't manage it?

Hahaha. Everyone is NOT doing fine. Especially those who make you feel judged, they likely are doing that because they're not holding their shit together either. Try a few kiddies groups until you hit the one with the nice people who take one look at you, make you a brew while all the children lick the stickle bricks and you all moan about finding rice krispies in your hair and in the bed. Ignore all the others.

Definitely this! Do what you can, leave what you can’t, prioritise the essentials child top of list of course. Get out as Much as you can for both your sakes if it helps. Fresh air, change of view, both underrated. Comparison is the thief of joy (or something like that) is v true.

We aren't all fine, honestly.
We are all working our way through how hard having kids is. Nothing can prepare you.
I think some people don't like to admit they are struggling.

Work will help you massively. I think of work as a break now, it saved my sanity.

Who is having the baby whilst you work? Is she going in nursery also?
Are you able to get her into nursery sooner?
To give yourself sometime to recharge before work?

Can y out outline your routine, what a day can look like, so posters can spot where there might be room to change something up to free up time/energy?

Its hell. Sleep deprivation is a torture. I actually set my work pattern to 3 and half days. So on the half day I could sleep all afternoon while they did a full day a daycare. It's only way I stayed sane when dh worked away

I PROMISE you that everyone else isn’t ‘fine’. I know it’s really rough but you are not alone, sometimes having children is utter shit.