Why do I find being a mum so hard when others seem fine ??

Didn't see the dates on those posts - didn't realise it was years old

I currently have a 9 month old and we always wanted more kids.

These comments are putting me off having another

Having a toddler and a baby sounds so hard

I know this is an old thread and probably not relevant but how sad she made you feel that way and that you continued on to feel that way.

Carrying on working 3 days a week has saved my mental health. Even on the nights where DS was still waking up, I was far better as a worker the next day than I would have been doing 10 hours of child-wrangling!

If I have one piece of advice to any new mum: keep your career going. Whatever you do, however you manage. Stopping work only makes the drudgery worse & respect.

I felt the same way OP! A crushing weight of responsibility. A friend said, it will pass. And hugged me while I sobbed on her. And one day, it did pass. (Which also made me cry!!!)

Hey honestly can't say much more than what the other ladies are saying honestly I know how you feel I'm constantly saying I want my child not to be with me due to being a older mum to my second at 44! Plus I get no support at all my daughter nearly 2 extra clingy dad is about we not together but comes here to see her refuses point blank to have her I'm constantly aching feeling dizzy. I push through it unfortunately I have mental health issues some days lucky to of been able to brush my hair don't let others make you feel rubbishbecause your struggling I get no support at all but I would never not validate someone struggling just because they get help . Honestly hun there are days I have wanted to just leave her in her pram and walk away but due to some personal issues over my son ( another subject) I know I can't I even told her father once her going in care was better than having me. Then laterthat evening when a sleep I sit there crying and feeling so so guilty for feeling that. We are all aloud to feel like crap say we are struggling I feel there should be more support for mothers really. As a lady suggested try go to the group's stay and play at churches or children centres etc it can really make a difference but I know it can be hard to get out the door. Your doing your best it's all you can do it's all any of us can x

My mother told me that raising children is drudgery. She always told me the truth.

I was raised with her often working two jobs and killing herself to put my sibling through university. She was always stressed and died in her 50’s.

Which is why I was very careful to only have a child with a man on a high income and I’m thankful that I did. I don’t know how I would care for a child and work full-time or even part time.

My world is small and the work is drudgery. But I was under no illusion that this is what motherhood actually is. It’s doing the same things every day. It’s never putting yourself first.

It’s thankless, it’s lonely and it sets your career back.

Everyone struggles honestly. I spoke with another mum friend I have recently. We both confessed to thinking the other had no issues. We shared comical stories out our meltdowns and the need to take a few minutes breather.
It us important that if you can have breaks when your partner is there. It’s something I did with my partner since my son was born. It does mean we get less time together but it means we both get a rest. It’s only temporary while our son is little.

iv never posted anywhere before but felt so compelled to write after reading your post OP.
I'm a mum of 3 and I felt every word you wrote. mumming is the hardest job ever and we ALL struggle. please don't feel alone. I struggled with severe PND and found the first thing to help was joining a baby/toddler group and meeting with other mums. I promise it'll make you feel not so alone. find mums like you and hopefully you'll be able to moan about all the crappy times and find the funny side - that's essential.
do you have family who could help even for a couple hrs to give you a break on your own?
I think your DH needs to support you more. your life and happiness is just as important as his and your mental health is vital to helping you feel able to be the best mum you can and time to be YOU again and not just 'mum' and 'partner' is essential. I promise it will get easier but you're not alone. sending hugs x

My life improved significantly the day they could both get themselves into the car and strap themselves in. I have an irrational hatred of plugging my kids into cars

OP you haven’t got the right friends if they all seem to love it.

My favourite people when my kids were little were people I could say “Isn’t this just fucking awful sometimes” to. Those women who claimed to love every minute of having kids - I can’t be friends with them!

I’m so glad there are so many others on here who have mentioned the getting them in and out of the car, I’ve always thought it was just me who found that a pain! (And even on this thread I’ve just typed ‘difficult’ ‘stressful’ ‘trying’ and a few other variations before settling on ‘a pain’ for fear of being jumped on for choosing any of those other words).

@Forgooodnesssakenow look up the word bully! I'm trying to help. Take your nastiness and go away. Have a good day....oooh I'm sorry, is that toxic too?

I have a 4 year old and an 8 month old and it’s just so so hard. It’s relentless.

It's not you. You are not the problem. I don't need to labour the DH issue as others have (correctly) made those points.

Young children are simply incredibly tough, more than I could ever have imagined prior to having them.

Mine are just 5 and just 3, so by means out ofthe woods but a bit on from you. It DOES get better, bit by bit.

I understand from friends with older kids that the game changer is when the youngest turns 4, and even better, 5. I keep reminding myself that my oldest has just turned 5, so while the pressure cooker is slowly releasing air, there is still very good reasons why I still find it all so tough.

You too will get there . You'll get your sleep back and you'll gradually get some space opening up, bit by bit.

Best of luck to you.

Oh OP, it's really hard, isn't it. Believe me, people are not fine. I'm a single mum to a 9 month old baby, have been since pretty much day 1. I might look like I've got my shit together, but I don't.

Can you put the baby in nursery 1 day a week to give you a break? That's what I do, otherwise I wouldn't get a single second to do anything.

Hang in, we'll get there.

I get it!! I was a stay at home mum for 6 years and most days were so long and so hard and I was so tired!! I actually found it easier to stay in because it was so hard taking them out and my anxiety was through the roof!! They are now nearly 9 and 6 I feel like I have got off the longest roller coaster of my life. Like you I felt like I was the only one struggling and everyone else looked like they were having a easier time. Just take one day at a time, When they napped I napped I forgot about the million things I had to do. I used to keep saying to myself all the time " it will get easier " and my god it it really does!!!

I really feel for you!

All I can tell you is that NO ONE gets it right and we ALL fantasise about gin and child murder. And eight hours uninterupted. If possible, farm out the kids and lower your standards. This difficult time will pass and things will be more manageable.

Going back to work really helped me OP. After a couple of childcare breakdowns, I eventually got a nanny for my 2 pre schoolers. She was slightly bonkers, but a saviour. She would always turn up on time, even if they were ill (her decision) and I didn't have to worry about what was going on.

It is not just you @feddupppp

I had two under two (22 month age gap) and it was really hard, particularly that first year. Eldest DC was in nursery two days a week and DH doesn't work weekends but we had no family support and I found the days I had both by myself so difficult at first.

But we did get into quite a good routine and now they're 4 and 6 it is marginally easier.

Wow OP I could of written that post! I’ve got 3&1 year olds and some days I’m amazed I make it to bed time! We’ve also had loads of sickness here and it’s been horrible with eldest off nursery for what seemed like ages. I was recommended to take a daily multivitamin and it has helped. If this is the first winter at nursery it is going to be so much worse!

Saying all that no one has really given you tips on the practicalities. These are things I do which help but you can take or leave them!

1. I have an organiser hanging off the seat of my car which I have a couple of nappies/packet of wipes/small toys etc in. If we need to leave the house asap I will have stuff for the kids. I also have my bank card on my phone so if I leave my purse/DC’s hide it I have a back up
2. my change bag is backpack style and always packed with a change of clothes for both kiddos and nappies.
3. I aim to walk out the door 10 minutes before I actually have to leave, this helps as it means if toddler has a meltdown I have time to let him calm down
4. TV is your friend! Nothing worse than a 6am wake up call with 0 sleep behind you. Stick the telly on, make a cuppa, sit on the sofa and do nothing til a respectable time.
5. Good mum groups are your friend, go to as many as you can. Honestly, no one cares if you turn up late, look like hell and are covered in puke and poo. We’ve been there!
6. I invested in a really light double pram (Out N About) so that I would enjoy pushing it, makes going places easier if I know I don’t have to manhandle a pram.

Your Mother sounds like she needs to get off your back completely, I would probably end up saying “well she’s survived this blinking long, she’ll be fine!”

Homestart is an amazing charity who’s volunteers are amazing, your health visitor may also be able to give you advice.

You will get through this, you are not unreasonable in any sense, we all need time away and we all reach breaking point. Sending you a hug!

Adding to the already great advice - get as much outside help as you can. That nanny idea, if you possibly can start it now, before you go back to work, and get some sleep. Have an extra pair of hands when awake. Increase your cleaning hours. Get meal delivery service. Ironing service. Shopping delivered. Throw (his) money at it seeing as he’s not contributing in any practical way, to make life as better for you as you can in the short term while you work out what to do.

I had a rotter of an ex (father of two of my DCs). As he didn't understand what I "did" all day, I put together a little spreadsheet for him as to how many hours I "worked" as a SAHM. With everything included - feeding, washing the children, playgroups, housework, washing, cooking, tidying up, shopping, ironing, I ended up at 60 hrs per week. He worked 40 hours a week sitting at a desk with a coffee.

So 60 hours per week - that's not even including sickness as when you have a sick child it's relentless day AND night.

Then we wonder why we're exhausted.

Your DH needs to step up to the plate.

Well, I did mostly everything in my own with no help since I divorced but I won’t give you a bad time.

I realised after exH and I split that what had me exhausted was not dealing with the child, house chores and work on my own but the amount of energy I wasted and disappointments I suffered trying to get my exH to help. Just a fortnight after he moved out, life was easy, DS was a dream and the house was immaculate. I suddenly surprised myself sitting in the living room at 7pm with absolutely no chores to do…. It was not my child who Gad me exhausted but the manchild tripping me at every step.