the "don't have kids if u can't afford them" mentality...

There's a difference between being poor - which plenty of working people are - and making a career out of benefits. Very few people resent benefits being paid to people whose circumstances have changed or who are working but simply can't afford to live. But a lot of people resent supporting families who aren't working (and often have never worked) who can't afford the two children they have and go on to have a third, fourth, fifth... I saw an interview on the news years ago with a woman who had three kids. She openly said 'I was struggling with the two kids I had and then this one came along' as though the baby arrived by stork one day.

Money is not the most important thing, but if you want to spend it it's best if you actually have a hand in earning it yourself.
Earning a living is indeed quite transactional in that something is expected from you in return for being handed this unimportant money.
Do you not feel you should contribute to society? Why should some people, but not you?

Yabu

Dont have kids if you can't afford them is good advice. For the parents. And the kids

And who says kids will look after you when you are old. That's just nonsense too.

The concept that welfare was introduced as a safety net while people got back on their feet and became self supporting again, rather than an optional alternative to working for a living.
You claim this was in less enlightened times and we have "better understanding now".
Ridiculous.

No... you shouldn't have babies if you cannot afford to care for them.

Yes, there's a demographic time bomb ticking away.

But having babies and relying on taxpayers to bring them up = less money to care for elderly.

Does that answer your query?

What's bizarre about it? Perhaps you can elaborate?

Transactional = only thinking about things in terms of contributions to society which I read as churning out little workers etc etc. as if money is the most important thing, without a serious think about what that means?
do we only value people who can earn a wage?

As a child of someone who was poor and on benefits, I find your statement awful and disgusting.

@Lunar270

Why is it the fault of the government? Why isn’t it the fault of those who choose not to work and claim benefits?

And why are you so sure that if we provide an environment where children don’t feel excluded because their parents are poor, they will want to contribute to society in the future? The state of our current society suggests that they may well think we can live the life of Riley without ever having to go out and earn a living.

We wanted kids. Couldn't afford it so didn't.

Welfare may have been introduced to cater for certain situations but that was long ago, before we had the understanding we do now.
Can you elaborate on this quite bizarre statement?!

@DottyPeacock

That problem lies squarely with the government and how it chooses to manage the poorest of our society. Create a society where more people give a toss and they'll be fewer freeloaders.

Welfare may have been introduced to cater for certain situations but that was long ago, before we had the understanding we do now.

I'm with @ulteriorbread . If we provide an environment where poor children don't feel excluded because mum/dad are poor, we might just end up with poor children who grow up wanting to contribute to a system that has given them more opportunities. A life that is better than the bare minimum would be a start but better education/support for parents to break these cycles would be great too.

Unfortunately it's the reason I only have 1......childcare costs are crippling us

@Lunar270

The state absolutely should help those that need it.

The problem we have is that too many people use the benefits system as a lifestyle choice and we simply can’t sustain it. The benefits system was introduced to help those who fell on hard times, not fund the lifestyle of those who aren’t prepared to work and have multiple children.

Well who knew that carrying shopping is a sign of poverty?

The state. It's what a civilised society should do, via a welfare system that looks after everyone.

I'm happy to pay tax to a system that looks after the poor and will give the less fortunate opportunities.

Unfortunately UK system simply isn't good enough to look after everyone and we have one of the largest wealth gaps in the world. Embarrassing for one of the richest countries in the world.

Stupidity more like!

@ulteriorbread out of curiosity what kind of life do children deserve?

What happens if you can afford children but then things take an awful turn?
That can't be compared to having children already knowing that you are looking at a life on benefits with no reason to expect that to change.
Surely you can understand the difference?!
I don't understand what transactional means in the context of your post, can you explain further?

@ulteriorbread there are too many children that don't even get the bare minimum, including safety,love etc.

None of the things you mentioned are essential for a child to be happy,secure,well adjusted and ready/able to learn. Having all your need met in a safe,loving environment does. Which is why there are plenty of kids that have seen the world and have/had it at their fingertips that are completely miserable, at least.

Needs met might be basic and sad to you, but I'd settle for that .

What culture is that if you don't mind me asking?

I've found even "family centric" cultures all have their problems, shaming another person for a decision they may have made out of necessity does not seem very kind does it? I cared for a family member for 12 years, eventually after dementia, heart disease, diabetes and other issues took their toll, I did what I needed to do and did what I had to do to place the relative in care. They are still there, quite a few years later and will probably survive beyond 100 years old. I would have been destroyed if I was still providing care to them. I have had comments made about my decision, that it was selfish and self absorbed from people from "family centric" cultures who didn't know the circumstances or the reality or stress of providing full time care and who haven't cared for others a day in their lives. I can't imagine how I would feel being shamed by my own community. Awful.

What happens if you can afford children but then things take an awful turn?

what happens if you’re working in a decent profession but your employer just refuses to give you a decent payrise? For over a decade? And you cannot afford to relocate or retrain because you’d be on the breadline to do so?

why are people so transactional? And so cynical?