Partner wants to move

YANBU x1000000 tell him to go then! Don't leave your family and friends for someone who cant commit.

@MyBrownEyedHandsomeBoyhow did it work out for you aha, I'm not in a similar situation too!

Yes this is more FOMO and missing his home town. I get that as I moved away and I’ve had to wait years for a chance to move back due to children and schooling. It can be hard but I think sometimes you look with rose tinted glasses. In your circumstances I wouldn’t move. Maybe he does more nights out with mates and stays over at his mums

Two hours? Many of us have our family abroad.
You're incredibly fortunate to be so close to yours but I would be very concerned about his motives in asking you to move since you are the one not working. If they're only two hours away he can see them every month.

Hi @maskedmother old thread but just seeing how this panned out in the end? Reading your posts, I am in very similar situation

For example, this weekend just gone they mentioned in their group chat about going to for an impromptu 5 aside kick about and breakfast with their kids aswell. My partner obviously couldn't go and I think he just hates missing out.

That suggests that IF you moved he'd want to be out with 'the lads' a lot more, so you'd have even less support.

Oh my giddy aunt, your update post really puts in perspective his drama llama "being this far away is slowly killing him"! What a dick!

So he doesn't really miss his family, in fact he "likes having some space between them" (him and his mum).

"I think it's more his home town and his mates that he misses." It certainly seems he misses his mates, and I do actually have some sympathy (I moved six hours from my home town for work). But really - "slowly killing him"? I'm surprised you can take him seriously at all.

Rather than uproot you (and it didn't work the last time, he knows that) he needs to start addressing his actual problem - he's got no mates nearby. It's tricky, I had to join clubs and befriend colleagues and actually work at making new friends. If he likes a kickabout, could he join a local five aside team? Maybe his employer runs one? The answer to his 'dying inside' <smothers giggle> is in his own hands, and it does not involve uprooting his family to chase his youth (when all our mates were around us).

Yes, as PP said, halfway between the two is the worst of both worlds - it won't help him join in impromptu kickabouts and you'll be away from all your day-to-day support.

Given that he was already in your area, he doesn't want his mum to live closer, you always said you didn't want to move away from family, he is being unreasonable here.

You could find yourself really isolated if you moved.

This. Yanbu. Do not move away from your support network as the parent who does the majority of parenting so he can be closer to his buddies.

He needs to find new friends locally! Not wanting to encourage him even more time away from the family, but is there a local football group or something that he could join?

He wants to move away and isolate you from your support network, for the sake of an impromptu kickabout?! (I know it's more than that, but he needs to look at the bigger picture FFS). There's no guarantee his friends will stay in the area either. I moved away when I was a teenager for work and had the opportunity to move back in my early 20's. If I had, my friends would have been around and it would have been great, but now we're all in our 40's, only 1 or 2 of those friends are still in the same area.

I'm going to hazard a guess and say all these mates don't have children. When they do, the impromptu kickabouts will all disappear.

This! Missing friends is one thing but the ramifications for both your lives are large.
Sounds like he needs to build a more local network of friends. Are your kids in school yet? That makes a difference when you start to get to know other people that aren't linked to your family or your old friends?

If you intend to use family to Haley with childcare than it makes all kinds of sense to remain where you are. If not somewhere in between is a good compromise

Please don’t do this thinking half way is the ultimate compromise. We lived half way between families/friends for 3 years and it was horrid. It’s the worst of both worlds. You are always getting in the car whenever you see anyone and have neither side to see casually or pop in on/support etc. In reality you won’t do a 1 hour drive any more than you did a two hour drive. You have to choose.

We moved to say same town as DPs family/school friends last year (it’s cheaper than my family’s area) and it’s been the best thing we ever did. Don’t give up for sense of community and belonging for some sense of compromise which will make you both miserable!

What’s he going to do for work if it’s a 2-hr commute?

Why would you need to move to the middle of nowhere? There must be a compromise here?

If he moved to your area purely for a job and only then met you, did he make much effort to create a life for himself? Join a team, gym etc? Shift work shouldn’t be a barrier. You do what you can do. Or is he continuing to try to live a life that he left behind?

It’s obvious that he misses his friends rather than his family, and actually I do sympathise on the breakfast thing! That would make me sad too, if I were him.

Cross posted
Oh my goodness- you already see his family twice a month??!!

This is about FOMO with his old school friends from home? What a selfish pr*ck to want to move the mother of his DCs with new born on the way away from her support including family and friends because he fancies a few nights out with his old gang ?!

He needs to grow up

Don't even entertain this OP
No good father would want to do this

Yanbu

Do not move OP

You need support around as you are the one doing majority of the parenting - he's at work!!

Why would you move away from your family where you've always lived and you met , and you told him you would never move?. He can move but DCs & you don't
You'd be in an even worse position than him as you're the one that needs regular support.

The compromise is not move halfway - 1 hour drive away from family each- that's ridiculous as then no family will pop over after work or be near enough to help! Also OP doesn't want to move and never has so that's not an option. The compromise is that he visits home on his own a little more often- say 6x a year.

I moved for my ExDH who worked ridiculous long hours and was left 3 - 5 hours drive away from any family - they visit me. Your ex is manipulative "being so far away is killing him"? What sob story is this?! He just needs to get in the car...

2 hours is nothing

A number of people commute more than that every morning and home again in the evening!

his family can travel or he can arrange to visit them - (just with the toddler) - that's the compromise- as long as it doesn't eat significantly into his other responsibilities as parent. A two hour drive can be done there and back on a Saturday or leave on Friday evening return Saturday evening after tea time every now and then

Moaning for mummy

🙄

The op is where she has always been. She didn't make him move. His dc and op should be his priority.. Not moaning for mummy.

I am going to disagree with the other posts so far.

The solution would be for both of you to compromise and live somewhere halfway between the two sets of families.

it is very convenient for you to be so close to your family but to expect him to be so far from his is not that reasonable. If you were the one who was 2 hours away I bet people would take your side...

I personally would also not want my partner's family pretty much on my doorstep. You say you are ''super close to your family'' but this might be suffocating for him. After all your family first and foremost is your husband and kids.

So I would not see any issue with a move to bring him closer to his network but somewhere you also can keep contact with yours.

YANBU. Two hours isn’t that far for him to visit his family, but far too far for you to move as you’d lose day to day support.

Stand firm on this.