My child has changed first name and I'm grieving

If someone feels that a name doesn't fit them - for whatever reason - then surely a name change is a good response? Maybe they'll become more widespread in the future.

Why is becoming vegetarian in any way worrying? I realise it can be a hassle for some parents re cooking, but worrying?

Re the OP: when I was about 9 I also wanted a boy's name and got my mum to add a middle name to my birth certificate, a name that could be shortened to a boy's name. Everybody called me that name, even at school, for many years. Then I changed my mind and reverted to my original name. Thank goodness, trans wasn't a thing at that time and nobody thought I was actually a boy. I just wanted to have more adventures and not play with dolls.

As long as there is no medical intervention, I think it's OK to accept the name and play along, not make a fuss. Wishing you all the best, OP!

I always use the pronouns a person wishes me to use about them. OP says he might detransition which I fully respect and in that case I'd use she/her.

You've absolutely no idea what the OP's daughter wishes. How bloody rude and virtue signalling.

OP. my sympathies. I wonder if you could take the name yourself, somehow? It is clearly meaningful for you.

I've never felt happy about choosing my children's names. I really think I would be delighted if they chose their own at some point, something they had grown into or found for themselves. In reality, we all often end up with many names over a lifetime, some of them for different situations. And some of them chosen!

Oh no, I think a lot of young people these days see it as "fashion" to change their gender unfortunately. I don't mean all.. but what are the chances of an entire friendship group trully wishing to change. It sounds like shes unsure and just doing it to fit in for now but maybe shes struggling to find herself and this is why she is feeling she wishes to change her name. Maybe she's wanting control over something as she feels she not in control. It sounds like shes struggling with identity and unhappy with who she is.. could she see a councillor? Maybe she simply doesn't like her given name.. but id refrain from changing it by depol for now and just call her the preferred name whilst using given name on paperwork until shes worked things out...i actually had a friend who did this and eventually she started using her given name again when she was an adult x

A name is the biggest gift you can give your child

Really?

“One sees it with Anorexia and in a far less worrying way, becoming vegetarian

WTAF. Anorexia is not a fucking 'fad' “

Agreed, Anorexia is a very serious illness.

However, there are girls schools (in particular) where eating disorders appear to be to some extent influenced amongst groups.

I live close to 2 high performing, arguably higher pressure, private girls schools. In one there is a high incidence of eating disorders, in the other a high incidence of self harm. Both acknowledged by the respective schools who are looking to tackle it.

It’s not right to call it a fad, but the role of peer influence should not be dismissed.

A name is the biggest gift you can give your child but it sounds like your son has used it for many years and is now moving beyond. He can’t be expected to keep a feminine name.

I think fad was a very bad word, it implies some choice , but social contagion / influencing /reaction is present in Anorexia as well as trans identification

It does seem this name is all about you, and although it may be hurtful it's not now your choice, it was years ago, but no longer.

People do change names for various reasons.

I have a relative who changed name, but I continue to think of them only be the old name, and refer to them as such among others, but as they have been very specific, and it seems pointless to cause offence, would only call them by the new name.

YANBU to feel sad and hurt and to grieve for the name you chose so carefully when your dd was born. If you had said that you were trying to persuade them to keep it now I'd have said I understood but YABU. At the end of the day all of this is your DC choice and your best course of action is to support and advise without putting them under further pressure. They sound very confused at the moment.
Without pressure and bad feeling around it, you may well find that they revert to their original name once they have explored and are more secure about who they are.

You are not being unreasonable

I wouldn't be pleased either. I wouldn't let a child change his/her first name for whatever reason. When they're older they can do what they like. The trans issue is different. I don't know how I'd deal with that. I wouldn't allow medication.

YANBU OP. There are 4 kids I know of in my son's school all transitioning. 3 girls to boys and one boy to girl. 2 of them are siblings. I've wondered if it's just a trend at the school but who knows. I personally would be upset if my child got rid of his name.

Nope, I meant what I said. I always use the pronouns a person wishes me to use about them. OP says he might detransition which I fully respect and in that case I'd use she/her.

Is the OPs DC reading this thread, then, that you feel you have to comply, so as not to hurt their feelings? I feel more inclined to comply with the OPs correct use of pronouns. Otherwise we are all just unnecessarily pandering to someone who isn't even present. If they ARE reading, it's a different matter. Perhaps.

A lot of young people don't like their name until they get a lot older. It's only when you're older you appreciate unique names. This is particularly the case with unusual names. Maybe in 20s they will grow to like it more. I'm sure they will change their mind in time.

Khalil Gibran is the Author of these 'poems'...It comes from a slim book called

''The Prophet'' , easily available.

He wrote on many life issues.

I chopped my name down as a teen and eventually dropped the long name because I wanted the same name on my passport as my driving licence, oh and the 'long' version had a 'Unique' spelling.

I'd spent years correcting people on how to spell my name and it didn't feel like me. My mother very much treated me as a possession (I'm not saying this is you) and that long name just reiterated it to me.

Only 1 person still uses that long name, my shortened name feel like me. Oh and I dropped the middle name too.

Likely it will change back. It seems to be a trend at secondary school. Try noy to panic

A lot to contend with, for you. I know it's obviously challenging for her too but this is a lot for a mother to face as well. Be kind to yourself.

In the end OP, your child is still your child, regardless of what they call themselves or how they present themselves to the world. Hold on to that - the rest is just superficial (even though it's difficult, they are still themselves underneath it all )

For those arguing over pronoun usage, go to one of the zillion other threads about exactly that.

OP - yes, it would be tough, and I would be upset too.
Just keep supporting her, and see where the chips fall.

I hate my name, and wish I would have changed it...

Oooooops I’m sorry OP have reported my own post as it was meant for a different thread!