AIBU to be unsure about dating a 37 y.o. virgin man

awkward not awakened*

You will have a great chance to get to know each other better at this conference especially as you have two separate rooms .
Maybe starting off just having a lie down and a chat- building up intimacy without too much pressure on either of you .
I wouldn't rule out this man at all . My best friend was very experienced herself and married a younger man who was a virgin . Nicest and most popular man you could ever meet .
It's such a shame people suspect something must be wrong with a man because he hasn't played fast and loose .

of course yanbu to feel a bit awakened about it but i wouldn’t let it bother you if you properly like him x

Perhaps if he can trust you with his insecurities about being a virgin, you can trust him with your fears about being out of practice and lacking body confidence. If you resolved to spend the night together repeatedly without having sex, you might both enjoy working up to it. I don’t see why it can’t be a good thing.

I would be worried that it is because of some mental health problems or ASD that he is still a virgin at 37- Do you know? Not that that rules someone out of course, (I have severe mental health problems myself) but I would be on the look out for any signs of issues and whether they are outweighed by him being a nice guy, or if they're too much hard work to be in a relationship with him- you don't have to, you could just be his friend.

I wouldn't expect him to perform the first time necessarily- he might be nervous. A night away might put the pressure on too much. Take things slow and just get to know each other on dates and nights in etc, and let things take their course naturally. Best wishes.

It wouldn’t bother me . Experience is not always helpful. Someone might have learnt moves that worked for a previous partner, but which you don’t like at all. Each relationship is surely a new learning process ?
You will both probably feel self-conscious and nervous, so maybe wait until you know each other better ? Or you could share a room now but leave sex for another time ?
I would give it a chance, why on earth not ? It seems mad to dismiss someone for lack of experience in something where the experience that matters is the one you have together.

As your relationship is still quite new (2 dates, 1 lunch) even though you’ve known each other a long time, planning to be intimate might be a bit premature given his (lack of) experience in that department.
It’s nice he feels comfortable telling you about his situation.
Just go with the flow and see how it goes.
Do you really, really like him or is he the only reasonable chap that's easily accessible at present?
I personally wouldn’t want the responsibility and wouldn’t want to coach anyone about sex so for me it wouldn’t work but if you truly like him everything may well fall into place beautifully for you.

I'm not sure how I'd feel tbh but your gut is obviously trying to tell you something so listen to your instincts.

This is a slightly different scenario, but I think has some parallels: a friend of mine recently came out as gay in his thirties and started dating for the first time. All of the experimentation and figuring-out that most of us do in our teens and twenties is much harder later in life and I know that he has found it very painful at times.

I don't think you should necessarily write him off but I do think you should consider whether you like him enough to support him through what will essentially be a sort of adolescence as he learns how to have a relationship with an adult woman - both sexually and emotionally.

I don’t think it would bother me. I mean maybe it would give me a slight pause? But if I clicked with him before I knew then I don’t think I’d let it change anything.

You just have to shag him and come back and report.

I wouldn't necessarily think it was odd; my first serious boyfriend was a virgin when I met him - he just hadn't met anyone previously who he wanted to go out with and who wanted to go out with him. He was in his twenties rather than thirties but I can see how it could happen especially if someone isn't very outgoing or isn't conventionally attractive.

I think it's a pretty big deal that he trusts you enough to tell you........this could all be very lovely. Don't be put off by the fact he hasn't had sex, it isnt a crime to struggle with confidence. It doesn't make him a bad person, which is the most important thing

It would make me uncomfortable. I can't quite put my finger on it, I suppose it would infantalize him to me. I'm not sure that it is correct to use that word in that way, so I hope it makes sense. It's standard to have sex as a teenager so it would make him seem immature to me. However, it wouldn't be a deal breaker. I would have rather he kept it to himself though tbh. I'd also worst about his shyness, how extreme is this social anxiety? Will it impact your relationship in other ways?

I'd give him a chance, too, as I have a friend in his 40's who is still a virgin. He's never had the confidence to approach a woman which is a shame as I've known him decades and he's a good bloke.

The only thing I'd think twice at is planning a night in a hotel. I think I'd rather let things happen naturally than put pressure on you both like this.

Maybe you could book another room so there's less pressure? A few drinks could see you both relax enough to enjoy sharing a room but it'll be hard if either of you gets cold feet.

is he/was he religious? I know lots of people who had the ideal to stay virgins until marriage.

Ummm... going against the grain here, it would put me off (just being honest).

I have experience and if I were looking to date, I would like to meet someone similar to me who had had experience sexually too.

I have actually dated (a long time ago, pre marriage) someone who had zilch experience of a woman physically and it was a godawful experience for me (won't go into details, too awful).

My ex was a virgin when we met. I had only had one partner before him and I found it really difficult as he had learnt everything from porn. He was shocked at my body and had odd views about women. That may have been because he's an abusive prick but some of it was what he had learnt from porn and lack of social skills.

Don't you think that its amazing that he trusts you enough and cares about you enough to share with you hat he's a virgin? That can't be an easy thing for a 37 y/o to admit especially one who's painfully shy. He clearly cares deeply for you if he is willing to be rejected for his honesty.

I'm my limited experience inexperienced men are more likely to be forgiving as they can't believe their luck