AIBU to be unsure about dating a 37 y.o. virgin man

Give him a chance, especially if you get on well.

I was late 20s. The only reasons were that I was afraid of getting pregnant young (years of ttc had me laughing at that one) and I was so focused on getting into my career that I never dated and met a person I wanted to be with.

Best decision I ever made and it was much better than an unknowing fumble at 16. I am happily married to him!

Don't have hang ups about how he sees you. If he is shy he will probably just be feeling grateful to see a real naked woman, especially if her is as nice as he sounds. Take it a step at a time and see how it goes.

Some fair points there, BeesKnee. As I've said upthread, I state my complete absence of any emotional or sexual connection with women is down to my own lack of popularity and/or plain bad luck. But, that is no more than a soundbite or quick answer to a complex question. Even I don't really know or understand what went wrong. But, I'm at peace with how I've turned out, whether for better or worse, and I don't lose any sleep over it. Nevertheless, my situation would never be regarded as ideal and I hope our OP's man can do better for both of them.

Dealing with virgin guys at 17/20 was bad enough, I couldn't do it in my thirties! I too would wonder what was wrong with him - why has his testosterone not pushed him into experiences when he was in his prime? Not just sex, god knows it's easy though to walk through Soho and find a prostitute - but relationships! Dates! Anything!

The dark corners of my mind would wonder if his sexual tastes were perhaps not mainstream? Why you, why now? No offence. I am cynical and weary by nature though.

I'd be worried that he has erectile dysfunction OP

If you have reservations, think carefully before taking the relationship further. He's waited 37 years and I'd find that too big a responsibility if it doesn't work out. You don't sound convinced. Did you only feel like that once you found out he's a virgin?

My uncles was at 37 until he married my aunt. He was incredibly shy, that lovely bloke who's everyones friend. Aunt saw his lovely qualities and made all the moves. Married a year later and a new baby a year after that

I think there is a chance you are possibly dating my brother!

He is exactly how you describe and correct age.

Anyway. Don’t rule a guy out for this. My brother is so shy and that is the reason he has never found someone. He wants to settle down and have a family but the opportunity never arose bless him.

I think your maybe a bit worried about the fact he’s never had a relationship before, not just the sex part and maybe see it as a red flag? But some people are just so shy and get social anxiety that they have never been able to have a relationship before or won’t be able to until they find the right person they click with !

Hope you continue to get to know him :)

I like what mabelonthetable said, you can use it as an opening to make you both feel comfortable and show him your also not super confident. At least you'll be able to teach him how to satisfy you

I don't envy your position, Puzzledbyart. The advice you've received on here is somewhat polarised. I hope, for both your sakes, you can make this work. I don't believe anybody is entitled to a sex life or personal relationships but you've both got thus far, there's nothing to lose in trying.

I'm another who'd take the suck it and see approach. Literally. You could lie on the bed in the hotel and just snog. See where you end up. It might just be as simple as that. If it isn't you should have gained some idea why.

There are lots of reasons why someone might never get round to sex - extreme shyness for one.

The only thing I'd warn is that he may have a very low sex drive. People to whom sex is really important tend to become sexually active young, IME.

it should not matter what a potential partners sexual history is.
imagine if a 37 yo virgin mumsnetter asked if there was anything wrong with it the response would be no

Depends what you're in it for OP. If its a good shag you're after, perhaps this man is not for you. However if you're looking for a long term relationship and you really like him then you'd be foolish to let his lack of previous 'activity' get in the way. Things might be a bit awkward to start with, but I'm sure they'll pick up in time.

I don't think that any women 'owe' him a shag to lose is v card, but I feel that maybe the right woman could overlook such a small matter with the bigger picture in mind. I think looking for someone with a Goldilocks (not too little, not too much) level of sexual experience is a bit narrow minded.

I have slept with over 30 people and recently dated a 25yo (I'm a few years older) virgin for around a month. He was quite nervous and really unconfident with knowing what he was doing when pleasuring me. I could have persisted but got bored of feeling like an experiment so called it off. We are still friends though. I say go for it.

It's unusual there's no denying it. Personally it would be a big no-no from me. When it comes to attraction and sexual comparability, the most important thing for me is confidence, so I would find it very difficult to find someone like this sexually attractive.

Also it may not be the nice thing to say but PPs are correct, of course there are likely to be some "issues" with a man like this. I have a dear friend (a woman) and she is a virgin at 34 and as much as she is a lovely person there are definite "issues" at the root of it and she would be extremely hard work as a partner.

I just worry with two young DCs if you'd regret taking on someone who might be hard work. If you really like him and this hasn't really put you off him then give him a chance and take it slow. Perhaps he'll be wonderful and my assumptions will be completely wrong. However, don't settle OP. If you have a niggling doubt deep down but you're trying to ignore it because you want a relationship/you haven't had one in a long time etc. then I would say listen to your instincts and really think about whether you want to continue seeing this man.

Generally if something seems ok on the surface, but something feels just not quite "right" there's usually a reason.

The lack of any relationships may be more of a red flag.

Was he religious and has lapsed?

He might me demisexual. Read about it here.

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/demisexuality-what-is-it-sex-orientation-emotional-relationships-physical-a7912661.html

It’s not a bad thing, don’t worry! I found it interesting.

Would all the “he clearly has hangups/isn’t nnnormal/must be on the autistic spectrum brigade think that it was perfectly ok to say this about a 37 year old woman who was a virgin?

The answer to this is yes. There have been similar threads from women, and people respond the same way. This isn't gender related.

In today's society to reach 37 without a relationship that is sexual is highly unusual without religious/ill health/0bvious reasons,. Often it would lead one to wonder why and the reasons would seldom be positive.

I didnt say it was you dumb do.

I think it sounds fine. I can see how a person ends up in that situation. The vast majority of people I know lost their virginity around 17-22 and I think if you miss that window, it has the potential then to become embarrassing or a “thing” and then just stays that way as the years go by.
I would run a mile if it was for religious reasons because I would not want to have my life ruled by a partner’s religion.

Well I can only speak from personal experience but my DH was a virgin when we met and in his 30s. He's a great guy but just says he was shy and awkward around women and had never met the right person. Personally I was flattered that he trusted me enough to tell me but it did add an element of responsibility on my shoulders. Sex wasn't great to start with but he was keen to please and to learn and it quickly became really good, in a way I really liked it that I could teach him what worked for me and we're 8 years and two DC down the road now and incredibly happy.

Reading all the comments that there must be something wrong with him is so sad. There are a lot of people out there who are a bit awkward but are lovely, genuine people with good hearts but needed a bit of a chance....I'm married to one and he's fantastic!

Why not just take things very slowly and see where you end up? There are no rules in life and if he's a good person and makes you happy then just see where things take you.

I don't get it, if everyone is saying "no" then he will remain a lifelong virgin just because he didn't have sex in his 20s, how is he ever going to lose virginity then?
Agree with bloomburger. Go away to the conference, have a nice time, kiss him, see if it naturally leads somewhere, if not make your excuses and go to your own room.

Mmm! I think the issue is you can't put your finger on what's bothering you but something is... This means your gut instinct is telling you something is not quite all it seems he could be lying he could be a conman he could be latching on to you because you have 2 small children and have different urges who knows you need to find out more dig deeper and be sure he is what he says he is I am sorry but I can't help thinking it so thought I would say it. Yes and the point the above is pretty valid sorry!

Yes because being a 49yr old male virgin, eith no kids, on a Mumsnet forum with the name @WildRosie is not eyebrow raising in the slightest.

Even your username gives false security to women on here that they're talking to another woman. You can't see that's a bit off?