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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be unsure about dating a 37 y.o. virgin man

268 replies

Puzzledbyart · 29/09/2019 20:56

I just started seeing someone with serious intentions for the first time in 5 years (single mother, no support, so no major opportunity to develop romantic relationships). Feeling a little bit out of my depth and awkward. It is an ex-colleague, we met at someone's leaving drinks and just hit it off.
We had a couple of dates so far, and had a very nice quick lunch today too (while my children were attending their sunday classes). I really like the guy, he seems genuine, funny and sweet, only painfully shy. Today he told me that he is also a virgin - and he is 37 (I am a few years younger).
AIBU to be a bit alarmed by this? I cannot put my finger on what exactly is bothering me, but the more I think about it, the more unsure I feel. Or am I overthinking this?

OP posts:
Straycatstrut · 29/09/2019 21:27

My long distance friend (male) is a virgin. He's very social phobic and has a massive fear of getting girls pregnant if they have sex, no matter what the protection, does not ever want children.

Maybe something like that?

SlightlySleepy · 29/09/2019 21:27

I'd have no problem at all. I'd much prefer that to someone with a series of one-night stands. Our culture is tainted by films etc where the cool teenagers are shagging like rabbits, which makes us feel like we're a loser if we don't have lots of sex.

youaremysunshine · 29/09/2019 21:24

It is unusal but least you know hes not a dog...

ethelfleda · 29/09/2019 21:22

I dunno, I’d see it as very unthreatening and that he probably won’t be a sex pest. Give him a chance OP!

Figgygal · 29/09/2019 21:22

Did he explain why?

Original poster
Puzzledbyart · 29/09/2019 21:21

I do believe him, don't see any reason for him to lie about it.
Yes, the trip is planned with sex on the cards, and we will be sharing a room.
What is bothering me is that I cannot understand what I am unsure about. I am not extremely experienced myself, I had sex only with three men in my life - a school boyfriend, then a one night stand and then the exH (and now celibate for more than 5 years, so even if I had any skills, they are quite rusty by now).

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 29/09/2019 21:19

It’s unusual, but I’d rather a virgin who just hasn’t found the right woman than a man who had one night stands with incapable drunk women/sex workers

For sure. All the lust for Alastair MacKenzie’s character in Borgen drained right out of me when he breezily admitted to being an occasional user of prostitutes.

Elodie2019 · 29/09/2019 21:16

Testing
I agree.

Elodie2019 · 29/09/2019 21:15

Why is he a virgin? Possibly hasn't been in a serious enough relationship yet/ hasn't met anyone he'd like to sleep with.... not weird at all. There are plenty of people who don't get into bed with everyone they date.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 29/09/2019 21:13

It’s unusual, but I’d rather a virgin who just hasn’t found the right woman than a man who had one night stands with incapable drunk women/sex workers. I have a friend who is probably a virgin, I don’t see that as a problem. She’s old fashioned and just hasn’t had a serious enough relationship.

noego · 29/09/2019 21:13

So what is it that's bothering you? Do you think he is playacting?

Will you be sharing a room?

tierraJ · 29/09/2019 21:11

Did he give any reasons for being a virgin eg shyness, religion etc

Butchyrestingface · 29/09/2019 21:10

Do you believe him?

Upanddownandroundagain · 29/09/2019 21:10

My husband was a virgin when we got together, and he was 30. He was just shy/not confident, made no difference to us.

Original poster
Puzzledbyart · 29/09/2019 21:09

I mean, I was surprised but obviously did not interrogate him as to the reasons.

OP posts:
DisappearingGirl · 29/09/2019 21:09

Ah please don't rule him out. I have a couple of friends who have got together with blokes they've known for a while who they're fairly sure haven't had a girlfriend before. Relationships have worked out just fine.

On the other side I've got a friend who got together with a bloke who'd been with a lot of people in the past. Now he's a committed husband & dad.

Give him a chance if you otherwise like him! Must be nerve wracking for him.

Original poster
Puzzledbyart · 29/09/2019 21:08

@noego
No, it was generally in the context of planning a night away for a particular date (when I will be able to arrange childcare for the night + the next morning's school run).

OP posts:
noego · 29/09/2019 21:02

Did he elude to the reason he is a virgin?