The most laughable thing your ex ever said to you?

He showed me a pic of his ex to say how much slimmer she was than me

He wrote me a list of everything wrong with me. Apparently no bloke wants his mates to see a fat bird on their arm

Your job isn't good enough and you need to work longer hours - working full time with a 3 year old whilst he didn't work and played games all day long.

He used to be a snipper and that he was also blown up in the army (all lies)

another lie was him saying he never hit a women and hated confrontation (he did to his ex's and then to my child)

chrisie I snorted at the ring was on my finger, not through my nose........

@dowser and I'm sure they're all Daniel Craig like too...

Only on page 11 but what a lot have a morbid obsession about our weight/ looks/ height

We only row because YOU won't do as you're told!

I told him that the ring was on my finger, not through my nose ........

An OLD as we went to our respective cars which coincidentally were parked next to each other in the pub car park. He looked at my shiny, high-powered sports car next to his 20 year old Sierra with a line of rust along the side where the trim used to be and said ‘I don’t know why you think you need a car like this. A little runaround would do you’. Fortunately, I had already decided that we wouldn’t be meeting again. 😂

Mine was told me (and was deadly serious) that he just could not do the washing up. It was like a condition. It made him sick, he was basically allergic to doing it and if I even suggested that it was just because he was a lazy twat then I was unsupportive and horrible.

Funny because he didn't do anything fucking else in the house either.

Oh and everything was a competition. If I just came home from work and said 'bloody hell I'm knackered today' it would turn into an hour long spiel about how I couldn't possibly be as tired as he was because blah blah blah.

The only thing that cheers me about this thread is that my ex thought he was just SO special and unique. And he was just the same as every other sad twat on here

So true 😂

"It's all about money with you." Says the man who, when he moved out, tried to rinse me for every penny, including a share of my mortgage that I paid on my own for the first year we lived together (he moved into my house before we got a place together).

I take great delight now that the OW has moved in with him, she doesn't work so he has to pay for everything and is constantly doing overtime to pay for her! The five-figure payout he got from me appears to have already gone after three years!

If you weren't so fat I would have sex with you (I was a size 10 and 5'10)

Your friends are bad influences on you (mainly because they had my best interest at heart unlike my shitbag ex)

All couples fight (after giving me my first bruise)

You can't go to work anymore, there's too many men there (when locking me in the house and removing all the phones)

You must be sleeping with your best friend (after locking me out the house, and then sleeping in the guest room, so I was forced to share a room with my friend who refused to let me come home to him alone)

I own you now (the day we were married)

Wow - he was such a catch - pity I didn't see it at the time and gave the fucker 7 years of my life

The only thing that cheers me about this thread is that my ex thought he was just SO special and unique. And he was just the same as every other sad twat on here.

Although he never claimed to be Lionel Richie 🤣

"You think I'm trading in for a younger model? Don't be stupid" Said my ex when I questioned his 'friendship' with the new work colleague 15 years his junior.

6 months later I found out the truth.

He didn't need to go to counselling (emotionally and occasionally physically abusive). Because he knew exactly what they'd tell us. They would tell us we needed to have more sex.

As if that would solve all our (his) problems. He couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to sleep with someone who regularly treated me like shit.

Oh and I had another one that I dumped and he said him and his friend were going to come and find me, chop me up and throw me in the river near my flat 😑

"I'd never do that to you Armadiloes [steely stare] I'm not my dad!"

Later found evidence that he'd cheated - compulsive liar he is!

When asked about financially supporting his child properly (child maintenance)

"How am I supposed to live!" - eh the same way I've been while paying £1k worth of childcare costs myself!

Abusive partner.

Look after your own problems, like I do mine. I can't be here for you right now (whilst I was miscarrying our baby)

If you don't like me hitting your child, fuck off out my house (so I did)

If we have sex less your fanny won't be so baggy

If you lost weight I would introduce you to my friends (he had none anyway)

If you lose weight I will marry you (i'm average weight and well above average height).

Another ex

In 9 months we never went out, no dates, no dinners, nothing. Just sat in his or my house because he was "waaaay too skint" to spend money on us going out. Ever. Just a luxury he couldn't afford, even if I went halves with him.

He got a new job, started earning more, but still too skint to for us to go out.

Then he joined the LADIES darts team at work and was going out several nights a week to pubs with them playing darts. Buying booze, food, contributing to mini bus costs for trips to various pubs and darts games/competitions. Socialising with the darts time outside of games. But was still too fucking skint to go out with me, even cancelling coming to see me one time as he needed to save money for his next darts trip.

He genuinely couldn't understand why I was so hurt and angry and said I was acting like a spoiled brat when we argued about it over the phone one night. So I dumped him there & then and asked him to return my things that I'd left at his house.

"No I won't return them, I will continue to save them here for when you come to your senses. I'll wait here for you until you stop being silly"

I reckon he's still sat there 12 yrs later waiting for me to stop my silliness!

An ex was giving me £25 a week for our son, then me a new girlfriend after a couple of weeks and stopped seeing him for a couple of months then turned up and I said you owe me a couple of months money for ds he said sorry I don’t do back pay he stopped paying and seeing ds 10 years ago

Christ, I had an abusive ex when I was quite a bit younger. He once told me I was ‘more channel 4 and he was BBC four’ . I said ‘so you’re the boring one then?’ and he rolled his eyes like it proved his point. We were in our late teens ffs, BBC 4 still doesn’t really intrigue me now...

He also once said he’d kill me if I wasn’t so beautiful .

ThatssomebadhatHarry He was a utter fuckwit. Even one of the women he stalked said we should start a --/- victim support group. He had a tick list that was as follows
1 She had to be going through a hard time ( he would be the Knight )
2 No more than 2 children
3 Her parents had to own a house
4 She couldn't have more than 1 sibling
He really is a piece of work, he even managed to worm his way into an old school friends life whilst her Mother was dying of cancer, he went on the family's final Christmas holiday to a Scottish Island and made a suprise proposal to this woman, promised her Father and dying Mother he would treasure their Daughter. He was still married to me !

“I don’t think women are inferior, I just think you are”

Charming.

I got a tirade of verbal abuse because I hung the washing out while he was building a shed. The washing wasn't near him, wasn't getting in his way, he was building the shed at the other end of the garden where the washing line didn't even go to. But, apparently I was "thick as fuck" for doing something so "obviously" stupid.

My stupid act of hanging washing out at the same time as him building a shed meant he had to storm out and go on a drink and drugs binge for 2 days and sleep with someone else to teach me a lesson.

Visiting my son in SCBU at just 1 day old, after giving birth unexpectedly at 33 weeks, my exDH looks at my tum and asks "How long does it take to lose the baby weight?". I am 5ft 8 and a size 8 but had 'ballooned' to a size 10 in pregnancy.

Struggled on with mr sensitive for another 18 months and then managed to ditch an impressive 75kg in one go...

@Navisprite

"It's me or the cats" - this has to be my favourite. no contest there...

Not my ex, but my partner, once informed me that my mood swings were due to the early stages of the menopause - at the time of this diagnosis I was ( very obviously) eight months pregnant with our second child!

My ex once stopped speaking to me for a week over a carrier bag.