The most laughable thing your ex ever said to you?

Nat699

I had something similar. After he raped me he said I could just 'add it to the list of things he'd already done to me'

NFA'd by the CPS, not re-opened even after he broke his bail conditions.

The justice system really has to answer to some awful decisions

BusyDoingNothingx Yes I did report him but not for about 2 months, I was in shock & left him a week after he did it. It never got to court, the CPS didnt think the evidence was strong enough to get a prosecution because I was still speaking to him. I only spoke to him because I was being forced to by the family courts.

The Lionel Richie man was forcing me to work on Adultwork, threatening to hurt my family if I didn't (he would absolutely have hurt them) and when I ran away he wrote a letter to the police, telling them I owed him money because I hadn't worked hard enough as a prostitute for him... He even put his bank details on it so they could pay him when they got the money from me!

Dont worry you will do find to be with you just just need to stop those seizures stopped first!!! Just been diagnosed with epilepsy and he did one.
Luckily met now DH six months later who was not phased by them at all. I was actually grateful to the seizures as he seemed a really nice bloke up until then and I was seriously thinking of a future with him

"How could you think I would like to eat this dinner? I would never order this in a restaurant"
News flash buddy you're not in a restaurant.

@RoyalChocolat I’d have gotten up, chucked his dinner over him and said neither have I, pack your shit and get out!!!!
What a horrible bastard.
You deserve better!!!

Its not my ex but a family member

He said he couldnt afford to visit his son becuase he gave all his maintenance to the mother so could she drop him off and pick him up-when he chose

he now only sees said child twice a year when theyre ar with gps

He earns 100k-his own dm told his new partner not to have children with him

You can't say no to sex because you have had sex with a previous partner and I haven't, it's not fair.

If he tripped over and hurt himself, he had to hurt me in the same place.

Ex considered he'd had a LSCS because he'd accompanied me. When midwifes would come into the room to enquire how I was he would start banging on about how he was feeling ( emotionally exhausted, back aching etc). I swear I saw him holding onto his non existent stitches as he walked

@Nat6999 😱😱
Did you report him?!

Yeh, i look back on my life, and there isnt one who got away. Only a succession of bullets dodged really. Sad the crap i endured.

An ex once said to me that if he found out I had ever slept with a black man he could no longer sleep with me or have any respect, that didn't make him racist, it was very common for white men to not want to enter a woman a black man had.
I made the mistake of saying Idris Elba was handsome once when we were watching something he was in, he got extremely angry and jealous and went home and didn't talk to me for days 😂😂

He also once purchased me mastic gum (a gum from the resin of a Mediterranean tree) he said people chewed it to improve their jawline so when he heard about it he thought of me because my chin was quite weak. Gee thanks, what a thoughtful wildly insulting gift!

He really is the one that got away!!! Hahahaha.

After I finally told him I wanted a divorce he came out with some crackers:

'You'll never find anyone as good for you as I am.'
'I'm damn well going to take my marital rights while I still have them.'
'You're going to work when I'm in this state? I hope you've hidden all the knives and painkillers well.'
'I'm not letting this divorce go through, you need protecting from yourself.'

14 years on I'm very happily married to someone who is MUCH better for me than he was. ExH died of a heart attack a few weeks ago, in his early 50s, and my brother's only comment was 'Karma, sis.'

I never raped you, you enjoyed it!

I’ve been out with some complete tossers in my time... some have tried to speak down to me, belittle me and tried it on with my younger sister.... but some of the ladies on here really dealt with some maggots.

Please remember.... those men were all about their tiny egos, self serving twat agendas.

Each and every single one of you is amazing and beautiful and deserve a knighthood or dame good for not putting the vile bastards in a box!!!

That i probably felt like a bit of an "also-ran" next to him. 🤷‍♀️🤔😝

My ex told me (during one of his regular text rants) that I was "technically an illegal immigrant" because my passport had expired.

I was born in Hampstead...

Is it in yet?

Just oh my God. I could comment on every single last one of these (including the comedy ones about Lionel Richie/owls).
But here's a display of solidarity for every single one of you.

It's depressing how many of these gibbering manbabies there are out there, comedy though they can be at times. (Murderous fragile freaks mostly).

I've never started a thread on here, but am considering asking for tales of genuine love and loyalty as I've lost hope that theres anyone decent out there! Although happily single and have been for eons.

My sociopath was a bit spesh. Sooooooo many examples of mind blowing fuckwittery I wouldn't know where to begin.

Off the top of my head.. he had an unusual (I think) habit of very very occasionally laying everything bare (and I dont mean the maggot). He'd admit his failings in a disturbingly honest breakdown. (Unsettling for such a prolific liar)

One such gem was to admit he was jealous of all the attention I was getting while giving birth to our child. During actual labour.

As a side note, he hasn't seen said child for nearly 5 years (my fault obviously)... er.

A previous ex of money, left me for another women, she moved in the day I moved oout. He went on to marry and have 2 kids with her. Numerous times he messaged as he 'wanted to meet up'. I'm now happily married myself with 1 DC and just last year received a message asking if I fancied an affair. Told him politely what he could do with his offer.

When i discovered he cheated. His response, ' yes ok i had sex with another woman. I make love to you. And in any case, what does that have to do with us? Our relationship is one thing. That is completely separate. Nothing to do with us'.
Yes. I kid you not. That was his response. I had no words and left after a 18 month relationship

Screamed in my face, "YOU'RE A WHORE! YOU SLEEP WITH MEN FOR MONEY!" It did end the argument though as I realised he was completely demented.

@fedupslummymummy

Fuck me what an evil bastard, that's such a twisted thing to do it's really unsettling to read about it so I can't imagine how it felt happening first hand. So pleased to hear he is well and truly in the past

"You look like a heroin addict"
When I was still pretty spaced out after surgery to remove cancer on my cervix!

"I think we should break up"
When he turned up back home, waking me up at 5am on a Sunday morning having not been home after his 'quick drink with the lads' on the Friday night. His life revolved around beer and drugs.

"You'll come back, you'll never meet someone who will put up with you like I do..."

He's now on his SECOND marriage in 9 years with 3 kids. I'm still with the man I met 6 months after our break up 10 years ago.

The best thing I ever did was walk out on him and tell him to go fuck himself!

Let's move abroad....a week after he'd moved out.
My reply? "Don't be fucking stupid. I doing want to be with you in this country, why do you think I'd want to be with you in a different one?"