The most laughable thing your ex ever said to you?

At 38 weeks pregnant and about to pop still working full time... SOMETIMES TIREDNESS IS A STATE OF MIND.

"How DARE you leave ME" hahaha ha ooh stop, it hurts!

"Your divorce lawyer is a shyster. I just thought I'd warn you."

(Said when we were getting divorced and he didn't like the "demands" my lawyer was making on him.)

Another just this evening after finding out a friend had split up with a horrible bf... ‘ see, I wasn’t bad. You did alright with me’. Me, ‘yeah except we split up because you were sleeping with someone else and I saw the photographic proof’.
He stomped off.

“You never let me see my friends”, when I suggested going to meet my friends after spending the bulk of the night in the pub with his, who had by then all gone home

You're a size ten and that's fat for a girl

"I ll give you £20 a week for dd". (1997). Not seen a penny.
When i was taking my female and male cat to be neutered...."why are you doing that? They wont mate, theyre brother and sister ". Still laugh at that one

You'll never get anyone as good as me.

Bless..

Would you go into a shoe shop and buy a pair of shoes you're never gona wear..no well that's how I feel about having a baby. Dont wana do it'. About our 4 year old son. Cunt

Ohh another one from same ex

"I didn't get pregnant, I pulled out just in time"

During sex, me on top "you know if you took up running you'd have a cracking body".... erm...

I was in my early 20s and a size 10, around 9.5 stone...

I was HOT!

What a twat!

My husband now tells me in the sexiest thing ever, 2 stone heavier, stretch marked and wobbly!

Me: I'm ending the relationship due to you rinsing me for money and coercive control

Him: what makes you think you get to make that decision?

Me: what

I want to come back ...BUT I wont finish with the OW until I know we can work so I'll come back but keep seeing her as back up - yes?

TWAT guess my answer!

vampirethriller I can just see that sneaky bastard Lionel nicking your ex’s notebook. It’s definitely the sort of thing he’d do.

£100 a head without drink (sorry!)

DCs dad - that I'm not a proper mum because I don't always cook a sunday roast. ( he hasn't paid maintenance in 6 years and dc1 has gone nc with him)

Ex DP - that i was delusional if I thought I knew my DC better than anyone else in tie world because I'd never been a pre-teen boy. Apparently he knew more about them than I did because he was a man. He hadn't even met them

Two from my exes...

After eating at a Tapas restaurant that I thought was rubbish and overpriced (£100 a head without food) ‘your opinion doesn’t count because you’re vegetarian’.

That was the proverbial straw...

"The kids will grow up to know I do all I can for them".

He does pay maintenance - after denying a massive pay rise over 6 years until the CMS got involved - but he sees the kids only a couple of times a year. Their counselling sessions are really helping them come to terms with "how much he does for them". Twat.

Ahhh fond memories of my first love

"If you dump your new boyfriend (now my DH) and come back to me I'm willing to let you tell a few people you're my official girlfriend."

We'd been with each other for a few years and he used the 'we're not official" excuse anytime he cheated, although heaven forbid I even glanced at a other male.

As a man I resist my natural urges to sleep with other women, so you should resist your natural urge to want children. I do have children now, but thankfully not with that bellend.

"It's weird how few people have heard of Led Zeppelin."

He had a superiority complex and wanted to believe he was special for liking unusual bands. I actually fell over laughing.

He was also convinced that he wrote "Hello" and Lionel Richie had stolen it from his notebook at a party. I'm not an expert on Mr Richie's history but I'm reasonably sure he was never at a house party in Croydon.

“You’ll never meet anyone as good as me, or who will treat you better...”

He was a prick of the highest order, emotionally abusive and very insecure.

Ooh. Adamantly and indignantly denied lying to me when he had promised to move to another country with me but had securely made plans to move back to his own home country. This was not a lie as apparently you can't lie by omission. He was furious to be accused of lying.

Oh so many.

No one will want you now - erm yeah they did

You're disgusting and embarrassingly fat - well your mate didn't seem bothered

I've got a strong and secure career and you're on the shelf now - he lost his job after a sexual harassment claim around 5 weeks after we split up. He's in an entry level admin job now. I'm a band 7 nurse. I trained as a nurse shortly after we split up.

You'll never have another kid - pregnant now

Sad thing is I believed him for years and clung to him desperately. Ive lived my absolute best life without him.