The most laughable thing your ex ever said to you?

Ex H 'thé holocaust never happened'

‘You should want to look into the eyes of the man making love to you’

Yes, maybe that was a clue....

Ex H after I had a lumber puncture for suspected sub arachnoid haemorrhage (I cried when they hit a nerve with the spinal needle and had a temporary paralysis) "you were embarrassing creating in front of people I know like that". Ex H is a doctor

@BeverlyGoldberg no, a G you mean there’s TWO of them??

My mom said that to me once about whistling being a man thing to do, I laughed at her and told her to stop being sexist, tbf to her she did agree with me that it was sexist

Well not really laughable more unbelievable. At my 18 year old Brothers funeral. "Have you said goodbye, you can get over it now".I don"t think he was being nasty, he just isn"t emotional. Luckily my Husband is a lot more understanding.

I'd rather you had died than dumped me.

You'll never find anyone like me! ' I fucking hope not'

Ex DH (honestly should have heeded the red flag)... almost fucked our wedding, when filling paper work said 'nope he had never been married before'. Found out night b4 handing it all in from ex SIL he had indeed been married about 10 years before.
When questioned DH.... get this....
"It was in Hong Kong it doesn't count here!"

Actual WTF!!! And still I went through with it

“I do love you, you know.” First and only time he ever said it. When we met to sign divorce papers after two years of separation.

'I love you'.

Clearly NOT, dickhead.

‘I don’t need to give you any money for DS you get plenty from the government you grabbing bitch’ when trying to enforce the measly £6 a week my son was awarded due to his falsified income. FYI I get child benefit that’s it apparently this makes him exempt from child maintenance, it’s been 8 years I’m obviously not getting it paid anytime soon 🙄

‘You see, this is why you need to move in, so you can keep and eye on me and stop me doing stupid things (cheating)’

‘I brought you flowers, they’re at my house, you can see them when you call round’

After going NC, a comment on Instagram ‘My Fav Daughter’ tagged to his eldest daughter. No mention of our special needs daughter.

"No I won't put on the heating. Does my name start with Sheikh?"

🙄

He was also convinced that he wrote "Hello" and Lionel Richie had stolen it from his notebook at a party. I'm not an expert on Mr Richie's history but I'm reasonably sure he was never at a house party in Croydon.

I just love this one.

Don't wear bobbles round your wrist I don't like the marks

It's only me that you can trust I only want the best for you.

I love that I can finally feel your ribs, you are so fat, ribs makes you so much more attractive.

Your family don't understand

You upset me so much you make me hit you you need to stop.

You dress like a slut

You embarrass me when you behave like that with you so called friends. They don't care about you. They are trying to make you look stupid.

She's a new friend I made.

I would never do anything to hurt you

I would never cheat on you.

You've changed. I don't know who you are anymore.

You need to throw that t shirt out. I don't like it.

Man. When writing it all down it really was a nasty relationship.

My ex would not believe aesthetically pleasing was a phrase. He used to spend 90% of his time plonked in front of his computer yet like many things was incapable of googling it for himself.

Exdp "There's no such thing as a girl's night out, only girl's going out looking for men while their DP are at home. So no, you're not going out".

Not so much funny as depressing, but really made me "see" him for who he was and how he saw me. Two days after my mum died of cancer, my favourite guinea pig died too. He patted my shoulder and said "well, don't know what you expected really, you couldn't keep your mum alive either". Cunt. It took me another month to leave, and he presented me with a bill for everything he had paid for over the last year that he wouldn't have spent if we weren't in a relationship (after he agreed to cover more of our bills so I could go part time to spend more time with my mum before she died). He was such an arse!

So many stupid comments.

He passed his driving test a few days after his 17th birthday. That would mean that he passed his test on a major public holiday and I am sure that driving tests do not take place on that day.

He was so skint paying Child Maintenance that he could not buy presents for DC Christmas or Birthdays. There are letters at various stages stating that CSA/CM have failed to get any money from him. The latest letter is a few months old and states the total amount owed. When given the opportunity to face CSA or CM for failure to pass on the money he claims to have paid he refused!

He is so unrealistic. He does not even see that he can be found out.

So many. When I was younger I dated some of the worst guys (but the ones that cry and come across as 'nice guys')

Telling me to "hurry up" and dragging me up a road while I was having awful menstrual cramping (I'd literally just went on the pill that month to see if it would help ease them off as I'd passed out and vomited from the pain before). He dragged me so hard my wrist was in agony, so eventually, I pushed him off me with my free hand. This didn't go down well as he then proceeded to grab me and shake me, scream at me for pushing him, (leaving a bruise on my bicep) and slapped me across the face. Before leaving me crying on the street at 3am on my own.

The one that probably annoyed me the most was a guy I'd been dating for just over a month. I'd previously told him I was uncomfortable having sex after the first time for a little while because I felt like I'd rushed into it. He agreed. Of course, I stupidly thought I could trust him, went out drinking with my mates and stayed at his house. He sexually assaulted me. It took a day for me to realise what actually had happened (for some reason I felt like because I hadn't screamed at him to stop it was my own fault). I eventually ended up breaking down and telling him what he did and I never wanted to be anywhere near him again the following night. He, literally said this, as I was going out the door:

"Can I have one last hug?"

One last hug? For the guy that raped me the night before? Are you off your fucking rocker?

Thank goodness all of those dickheads are well and truly in the past.

My ex wasn't abusive or particularly horrible, but I remember raising an eyebrow when he dumped me by saying 'I was never actually looking for a girlfriend in the first place'. Weirdly, that hadn't stopped him from saying 'yes' when I asked him out, or from enjoying The Girlfriend Experience for a full year thereafter.

Currently part way through divorce and H text me this morning
“I’m not bing funny but....”
Never a good start 🤔
“Both Ds & ds have said your getting a new car, so if you do i want the radiator off the old one to try and get some money back!” It broke about a year ago and he paid for the repair As I was a SAHM at the time 😂😂😂

That when supporting my local football team, where I'd had a season ticket for 5 years (so since before I knew him), I was no longer to jump up and cheer if they scored, as I didn't greet him like that every time I saw him.

Wtf?! Looking back I can't believe I put up with nearly two years of narcissistic, shitty, abusive behaviour.

"You completely misunderstood your diagnosis. There was never any worry that youd actually die of cancer."

It's hard to misunderstand a doctor telling things are pretty bad and could go one of two ways