The most laughable thing your ex ever said to you?

I'm not pretty I'm not stunning. I was fat and still am but you know what, I'm still better than that dickhead

This was the straw!!! After many. Emotional,
Financial, physical.

This one just broke me

Thought of another..whilst going through the divorce.... and he was trying to force me to agree to put the family home in the market....of which l refused too by advice from my solicitor.... "..you will if l tell you too..."

Errrr...nope...actually l won't...

P.s....house was never put on the market and was awarded to me by the Judge

Oh there are too many to mention but this one after we split sticks in my mind. "If you don't grow your hair you will never meet another man". Twelve years now with my DP that I I love to bits and he loves my short hair.

Someone in work fancies me

Me : do they (joking and laughing) are they pretty?

Him : yes of course

Me : still laughing and joking "do you think they are prettier than me"

him: well yes they are stunning

Me : get your shit right now hahaha

The morning after .... you've left some shit get it now

“You are a gold digger” which was amusing as I had a good well paid professional job and he was unemployed. I sent him his train fare to visit me and paid for everything. Pretty rubbish gold digging on my part! Can’t think why we split

That seeing prostitutes when I was pregnant with #2 was more “respectful” than having an affair and I should acknowledge how wonderful and caring that was.

‘You are beautiful to me.’ Clear intent being: ‘but not to anyone else with eyes in their heads, you’re so lucky to have me’.

Subtle, awful put down, consistent with someone very damaged attempting to control me and the numerous other women he was shagging at the same time.

I feel grateful every day that my husband is all the things my ex wasn’t and so much more. I wish I could tell all women who settle for addictive arseholes that life is so good once you bin them off and find someone lovely.

'have you got any idea how hard you having counselling for your own issues is for me to have to sit and wonder what you are talking about and what pressure that puts on me' I was actually lost for words at that.

You’re not intellectual enough for me
Your friend is more my type
If I chose to I could snap my fingers and you’d come running back to me- but I wouldn’t bother.
I am not meant for an average way of life unlike you- he still works in a stationary shop twenty years later and has never traveled further than the north of England.

Well girls whistling makes the Virgin Mary cry - my devout mum to me as a child!

The best was when he told me "you are my wife you will behave like a wife"
My reply "I'm iwantacookie I'll do what I like"
Others include "you'll never find anyone better than me" already have
"Cheating was an accident" yes coz men are always accidentally sticking their dick in me
He was a major dick

"I love you and promise I will never ever cheat on you"... hmm and then he did

My best quality is my humility!

Me: I got that job! I start as Office Manager next week.
Him: Well you'll need to get hair extensions, you can't work in an office with a haircut like that!

The haircut in question was a Judi Dench.

"Your too fucked up to leave, you're so mentally ill, you couldn't cope and DD would be dead within two weeks with you. You might as well stay because you know I'm right. Think about it babe, seriously, I'm right."

I did leave, it's been nearly 10 months and DD and I are thriving. So much for his predictions, dick head

That I was a 7/10 but that it's a good thing because not many people are 10/10. Not that I asked what I was out of 10 mind you. Also when deciding what uni to go to he chose one far away and said 'realistically we're not going to be together in 3 years are we?'. He wasn't wrong. Pig.

Geekiest=cheekiest

A couple of months later, he calls out of the blue. He has a new GF, but they have no-where to have sex due to living arrangement. Can he borrow my house to have sex withhis new GF while I was at work?

This is literally the geekiest thing I've ever heard! How did he have the gall?

TBF my DH looked at me at 5am in the morning when ds was in scbu at less than 5 hours old and told me he was soooo tired. TBF poor sod had to walk 3 miles home because we went to the hospital in a cab and it was Xmas morning so no public transport or cabs

"If I really loved you, I'd have married you by now". Well thank fuck you didn't then really. Happily married to someone else for the last 8 years with two amazing dc. There is so much more to this but that was the beginning of the end thankfully.

"I can't have ds over night on Saturday. Because when would I get to go out?"

Try one of the other 29 nights of the month you have have ds for - cockwanker

"Wow. I can't believe you hate me so much you've changed your Netflix password."

After a long term relationship during which they cheated more than once, but apparently didn't have a spare £7 a month to get their own Netflix account after we broke up... you've gotta laugh!

Extra points for the incredulous wow with a full stop.

😂

Just after I had given birth "Well, that was easy wasn't it!

We are not having sex I promise .... after getting caught lying