To be annoyed that partner is hoarding his inheritance money

@Moomin8 if you inherit money it’s normally someone’s life savings or the proceeds of their house. Saving £80k takes a hell of a long time for most people. Sometimes some of that money has trickled down through the generations. It’s not often that someone wins the lottery and then suddenly dies and leaves he money to someone so distant they didn’t give a damn about them! Just think about it. It’s an inheritance not a bonus or a random windfall and it’s probably the only inheritance he will see.

It's not like he's won the lottery and is celebrating someone he presumably loved very much has fairly recently died.

It's pretty insensitive to already be thinking about how it could be spent and then taking it a step further and being peeved it isn't being spent the way you want.

I'm sure at some point the money will be used for something that will benefit both of you but I don't think this should be front of mind for you and it isn't your decision to make.

Sorry OP I think YABU.

I’m afraid the OP appears utterly lacking in empathy.

How do you know the £80k is from a close relative? Or that it was carefully saved by them over a long time?

amusedbush
DH just inherited ~£120k and I’ve asked him for nothing. I am paying back debt from my early 20s through Step Change and I have car repayments to make - both my problem. My debt is not his issue.

That's awful of him.
How incredibly mean.
I'm quite shocked by that actually.

Are you not married?
Doesn't sound like much of a partnership to me.
Poor you.

@Notbeingrobbed
Well said. That’s exactly how I felt when my mother died.
I had a SIL actually complain that I was not being a “very good hostess” when we were putting her & DB up near my mothers home, ferrying them to from/airport.
We had travelled 6hrs ourselves to get to my mother and arrange funeral, probate, sale of her home, disposition of her stuff and her four cats!
I had just lost my mother! And SIL was upset because I wasn’t showing her a good time.

@cushioncovers I guess you have never lost a parent. Going out for a sumptuous meal, taking a trip to New York or having a spa weekend is the last thing you feel like doing. It would be like celebrating your loved one’s death.

And I guess you’ve never been through the agonising and tortuous process of clearing your parents’ house or sorting out probate. This money does not just suddenly appear in your account. There is a hell of a lot of hideous admin that needs doing and a huge amount of grieving. At the end you are glad you just have got through it. You don’t feel like whooping it up.

I’m afraid the OP appears utterly lacking in empathy. This money has been saved by a loved-one over a long time. Now she wants to burn through it. How does the song go: “the handbags and the gladrags that your poor old grandad had to sweat to buy you.”

Exactly @cushioncovers - it says more about his mean attitude than anything.

£80k is at the very least enough to treat your partner to a spa weekend if nothing else.

DDIJ I'm pretty sure spending £2000 or £3000 cant be classed as frittering it away! He'd still have 77K in the bank. Jesus, some people are miserable as hell.

After six years of being together I think it's sad that he didn't even suggest a meal out or a modest trip away. If I had inherited a large sum of money I would want to treat the person that I live with and therefore presumably love very much to a treat.

Well it should be. I wouldn't waste my time showing my commitment to someone by living with them and doing stuff for them if they were in it for number 1.

That's up to you. I don't see why people should share everything with someone just because they live in the same house with them though. I didn't share finances with DH until we were married as that was the point where we had committed to being life partners. If someone

Having a relationship with someone is not a ticket to a free ride. This inheritance is no doubt left by a parent for the benefit of their son. Not for the partner of the moment to have a jolly!

I know some people see themselves as equivalent to being married as soon as they live with someone but actually that isn't the case

Well it should be. I wouldn't waste my time showing my commitment to someone by living with them and doing stuff for them if they were in it for number 1.

No, because joint earnings are different from an inheritance.

See, this makes no sense to me whatsoever.

If you live together with someone as if you're married, you're a team. I don't see any place for selfishness and refusal to share a payout whatever the circumstances.

“All those saying 'it's his money' does that mean that if one partner earns more than the other they don't share when they have a mortgage together?”

No, because joint earnings are different from an inheritance. When you have a partnership, generally you are sharing your joint income to acquire joint assets & live together. Whether this is from a business or an employer.

Inheritance is completely different. It is like an insurance pay out for injury or a car accident. That money goes to the individual who suffered the loss. A person should not expect to profit off the loss of their partner. So that money is theirs and theirs alone.

All those saying 'it's his money' does that mean that if one partner earns more than the other they don't share when they have a mortgage together?

If they are not married it depends on whether they see themselves as life partners and want to share. I know some people see themselves as equivalent to being married as soon as they live with someone but actually that isn't the case.

@Moomin8 agree. Tight men are the worst.

WoodchuckI know that is American lawbut is it also British law? (in the US, only husband and wife can be joint owners, i.e; both parties own 100 percent of the property, as opposed to tenants in common, where each is a separate stakeholder.

In the UK you don't have to be married to be joint tenants but many unmarried people are tenants in common if they want to keep finances separate.

WoodchuckI know that is American lawbut is it also British law? (in the US, only husband and wife can be joint owners, i.e; both parties own 100 percent of the property, as opposed to tenants in common, where each is a separate stakeholder.

I can't stand tight men and have ended relationships because of it.

YANBU - he's very selfish if you ask me. So what if it's his money? A kind person would want you to have some benefit @caraofthevelvetbluesea

All those saying 'it's his money' does that mean that if one partner earns more than the other they don't share when they have a mortgage together?

@berlinbabylon 20p interest on thousands of pounds?

You must be financially illiterate if you can’t think of any way to make good returns on £80k, like:

S&S ISAs invested with mutual funds
Pensions
Mortgages stuck on higher rates
Property

Aaaand this is now on the Daily Fail - www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7469497/Woman-accuses-partner-hoarding-80K-inheritance-hes-not-spent-her.html

OP you should know, if you didn't already that this thread has been picked up by the Daily Fail online.

Yanbu. You have been together 6 years and have a mortgage. I think he is tight. There is no way my DP would not share or treat me, and I would do the same if I had that amount of money.