To be annoyed that partner is hoarding his inheritance money

How you describe your finances no.

The been married does make a difference . In essence you have no claim on his money if you separate.

He isn’t spending it on anything never mind for you .

Maybe he feels that is his security.

We’ve been married over 30 years and when my husband inherited a sizeable sum it went straight into savings in his name. I had no expectations at all and would have felt very uncomfortable taking something his parents had worked for. However some months later he presented me with a beautiful piece of jewellery which he had chosen himself and used some of his money to buy. He may surprise you - you shouldn’t have any expectation though.

I think if you are paying 50/50 but you earn half less then he is tight.
It seems he wants the benefits of a committed relationship- investment in house etc but is unwilling to really blend together as a couple after 6 years.

Even if you were married you should not expect him to pay off your debt regardless of the inheritance as long as you both work.

You need to sit down with him, explain what you earn and explain why you cannot do things exactly 50/50. It needs to be done now before you have children.

As a PP said money is why lots of couples get divorced so you need to start talking money and finances with him, otherwise you are wasting years of your life on a relationship that isn't going anywhere.

Does your debt pre date your relationship?

Either way it sounds like you aren't currently sharing your finances so I'm not sure why you expect this money to be treated differently.

I would be questioning why your finances aren't generally joined if you are in it for the long run.

we pay the mortgage/bills 50/50, once I have paid my share plus bus pass/food shop/loan and credit card repayments, I really don’t have much left at all.

Why are you paying 50/50 when he's earning double?!? This is wrong, in my opinion & unfair.

He's tight. I'd be thinking carefully about this relationship - inheritance aside, he's getting a good deal, financially

I agree with this. Very tight to do absolutely nothing, not even discuss how some might contribute to the fuuture marriage.

I think I would take this as an indication of how committed to the relationship he is and I would take steps accordingly to protect myself, but dont share this with him.
He is showing you who he is, take note and dont get caught unawares

Was it a close family member who died? When my mum passed away (much smaller amount of money though) I felt strange about spending it and wouldn’t have bought gifts or holidays with it. It didn’t feel right.

I spent it on the house and it still feels slightly tainted that that’s how I could pay for it.

we pay the mortgage/bills 50/50, once I have paid my share plus bus pass/food shop/loan and credit card repayments, I really don’t have much left at all.

So he earns much more than you but you split bills 50/50? Now it makes sense why he won't offer you a treat out of his money. He's tight. I'd be thinking carefully about this relationship - inheritance aside, he's getting a good deal, financially. You not so much.

I’d say our spending habits are the same but he earns double me, though we both work full time

Are you spending the same because you are trying to keep up with his preferred lifestyle or because you spend more on optionals?

If you are paying 50/50 for accommodation/bills etc what would his reaction being to a suggestion you move to a cheaper area/reduce food shop etc so that you can pay off your credit cards? Because if its his choice to live and spend at a level you cannot afford then he needs to help.

If the debts are from optional spending not driven by him then yes, it makes more sense to look at your own spending.

Either way - after 6 yrs with a partner, cohabiting and talking of marriage I'd be pretty unimpressed if they squirrelled away a big windfall without so much as the offer of a takeway. It doesn't say much for how finances will work in the future.

I think being married makes a huge difference. He’s probably just being careful. After 6 years being together though I would expect a treat such as a holiday or paying off one of your huge bill if you have one.

Just seen that you pay the bills 50/50, which is fair if you earn similar amounts, but proportional bills would be fairer if there is a big difference between your earnings.

My husband wouldn’t even think not to share he would prob pay off some of the mortgage or finish off the house. I don’t understand couples who have separate finances. If you try to keep things to yourself suggests to me your not in it for the long haul.

As you are getting married it’ll be half yours anyway surely?

I think it is up to him. However I would check how you both view money long term. I’m with a real Scrooge and the signs were there, but I didn’t listen!

Woah hang on a minute, he earns double what you earn but you split the mortgage and bills 50/50????. .I cant see how that is fair.

He's taking the piss on your day to day expenses, why are you paying 50/50. You are investigating the more in this relationship than he is.

Agree with @ControversialFeret 100%.

@Puzzledandpissedoff - agreed. Marriage is a commitment and it’s very possible the reason why it hasn’t materialised (and the money hasn’t been shared) is because he just isn’t as committed. A pp is right. Inheritances often come with grief but also tend to bring relationship issues that have so far been ignored to the surface - I know many people who refused to commit suddenly leaving the partners they wanted to leave years ago after an inheritance (even small ones) and marrying new partners within a year of meeting them.

But if you earn different amounts why are you paying 50/50? A fairer way to do it would be to split the bills proportionate to the difference in your earnings.

I don't understand how someone can love and care about you and at the same time be comfortable with seeing you financially struggle at the end of the month?

It's not how we worked, even pre-marriage. I may have a small lump sum soon, we'll each do something nice then the rest will be saved. He'd never not share or plan not plan something fun together.

It sounds as though you both have different attitudes to money, he's a saver while you are a spender, it's you who has 5K of debt.

How did you get into debt? Was it spent on things for both of you, furniture or holidays for instance? If it was spent on things to benefit him, then I'd expect him to help pay the debt off with some of his inheritance.

On the other hand, he may feel that you would just fritter away the money, and that's why he is keeping a firm hold on it.

The fact that he hasn't involved you at all, for instance spending a few hundred on a nice piece of jewellery for you, makes me think that he might be a bit mean spirited. Have a look at your own financial contributions and make sure that he isn't taking advantage of you in anyway.

As an aside, have you looked at the free debt charities such as Step Change, or at Money Saving Expert, for help in managing your debt?

DH had a very substantial and unexpected inheritance. He was a little shell shocked for a while, and in deep grief so the money just sat in the bank for a while. Then we had a chat and decided together that paying off our mortgage was a sensible choice, we did some improvements around the home that were very overdue, and we treated our DDs to some nice treats/went out for some lovely meals etc. But never at any point did I have a feeling that any of that money was mine, or deserved to be.

I would have no expectations at all
You’re not married, it doesn’t sound like you have children, and you clearly have separate finances

This ^^ I agree it would be nice if he treated you both, but the careful avoidance of spending on joint things would make me wonder if he's received advice on the subject, as in "spending as if it's combined could lead to a claim on the assets"

Apologies for the cynicism, but I might even wonder just how committed he is and what his plans for the future involve. After so long together without actually getting married, maybe it's time for a talk about expectations?