To be annoyed that partner is hoarding his inheritance money

He has recently inherited £80k. I asked him what he would be doing with the money and he is putting all of it into a savings account or into stocks/shares.

Good for him. A very sensible thing to do.

I absolutely didn’t expect him to just give me a wad of cash to go wild with as I understand it’s HIS money to do whatever with, but AIBU to be annoyed that he doesn’t want to spend any of it at all on any sort of shared experience that we could both enjoy?

Yes. Very unreasonable.

Inheritance can be very complicated emotionally. In order to get it, he had to lose someone he probably loved. Not everyone is ready to spend the money straight away. Although to be honest, you sound a little to keen to benefit from this money and if he thinks you are being grabby then he may take steps to make sure you never get hold of it.

A woman in his situation would be advised to protect her money and I don't think this is any different.

Why do you pay bills 50/50

Because they're not married - I don't see an issue splitting bills 50/50 - just because he has a good job doesn't mean he should supplement OP - thats just life that some people earn more than others....

The inheritance is his. If he really wants to marry you like you've discussed then he has no excuse now like "saving up for a ring" so you'll soon know whether he sees you as a long term permanent part of his life

My husband received an inheritance and I didn't expect to receive a penny (and we've been married over 30 years)!

He treats us regularly (we earn about the same) so I had no expectations.

As you are getting married it’ll be half yours anyway surely?

Possibly, but not automatically. An inheritance isn't what's called "an asset of the marriage", especially if it was received when the beneficiary wasn't married ... though it's true a court can allocate some of it to the other partner if there's no other money available to meet their needs following a split

It's a bit of a moot point anyway, though, since this particular couple are still both single. As said, I'd personally be asking for a bit more clarity around the future

Dh and I are married, and he recently came into around £50k. We've discussed what to do with it, pay down the mortgage, keep in savings for rainy day fund, pay for an extention to the house. But it didn't occur to me to except a "treat".

A trip to New York or gift or something is a strange thought.

There might be time to have a general discussion about how you split your house hold bills given the difference in your wages, perhaps proportional - a 60/40 split might be fairer - and if he wanted to spend the money on something like work to the house, I'd expect you to have an equal say on what was done- but expecting a treat or experience, which is essentially wasting rather than investing it, seems odd.

Firstly, yes I would definitely treat my partner of 4.5 years to a holiday or a gift eg watch if I came into that much money.

Secondly your joint expenses are unfairly split given your incomes. This is set up like housemates not partners. I would tackle this first.

Does marriage make such a difference then?

It can do. It suggests a commitment, like shared finances do. Whilst you have a linked finance through a mortgage, your other finances aren’t shared and for the household.

I think the issue here is more that he is a saver. He has no debts and has sensibly put the inheritance money into savings. I appreciate it can be difficult sharing a lifestyle with a partner who earns more than you but clearly you prioritise spending over being debt free or else you wouldn’t owe £5k.

I would work on getting rid of the debt. An internet free loan might free up a bit more of your money whilst giving you a fixed time to not owe anything. In the meantime, if he suggested doing anything that is outside your budget say no because you cannot afford it.

I'm not sure how marriage would make a difference. Even in marriage her credit card debt was hers and he would be entitled to use his inheritance whenever he wants. Even if they were married they'd likely share 50/50. This is not a relationship where they just started dating. They have a joint mortgage. While everyone is obviously entitled to their inheritance but I do agree that it would be nice if he used some to shorten their mortgage (Or do you have it agreed that both of you pay 50%) or maybe go for a holiday together. Or pays of her credit card since it's not from frivolous spending.

Also you need to come up with a new agreement on how to split bills. I'm not one of those who are into totally shared finances and it doesnt work with everyone. I'm a big supporter of %income when it comes to splitting bills.

Why do people set up homes with men that earn lots more, don’t get married and except the man having. MOre money than them ?

Sorry, yabu.

You're not married, you don't have any legal or moral claim over his inheritance. In his situation I would be investing that money in something soley in my name as a nest egg for the future and wouldn't be frittering it away on holidays or presents.

In the same position I wouldn't be paying your credit card debt off either.

As a general rule though, I think he should be contributing to the household more if he earns double you do.

I don't get the impression this man is ever going to marry you (and the 80k probably makes it less likely as he'd then have to split it with you), so it depends on whether you're OK with that.

I'm in the ok, he has no obligation to give you any money at all, however after 6 years if he didn't feel slightly compelled to I think it's a worry.

How long has he had this money for? Was it close relative? If its a year ish.. It can take a year to decide what to do with it..

I had v small inheritance. I did small things to benefit whole family. Upgraded some house stuff we all benefit from. Rest in savings. However its saving for all of us. If dh needs it he can have some. I'll also use some for his bday.

But I've not spent anything on myself at all. I don't feel I can it must be savings.
It's a shame he can't pay you a little bit... Or treat you both...

I'd be seriously questioning relationship...

Oh had you been a man OP you would have been ripped to shreds for this. Most would have said she is wise to keep her funds separate and would encourage it. Fortunately for you, there's those that see a man's money as something the woman is entitled to.

I don't think you have a right to anything and the fact that you think you do should be ringing alarm bells for him and something he may want to consider about you. It's off-putting.

You pay 50/50 as what is encouraged in relationships, but you still have separate finances and have only been together 6 years. You have not been together decades or even have children to consider.

Your debt is your concern, it's not his to pay off.

Does marriage make a difference

All the difference in the world. If he wanted to marry you and share all his worldly goods with you he'd ask you to marry him. If you want to be married, why haven't you asked him? You seem pretty passive in all this, have you talked to him about the money and suggested a holiday?

One person's "tight" is another person's "prudent". But it sounds like the 2 of you are not on the same financial page.

Has a lot more disposable income disregarding the inheritance.

It's unreasonable to expect him to spend part of his inheritance on you, or to expect any say in how he spends his inheritance, when you're not married and you've spent your whole relationship to date spitting money equally and staying financially separate. That hasn't been fair either, it should be proportionate.

Is merging finances on the cards?

Why do you pay bills 50/50 if you earn such differing amounts, thats silly and should be addressed.

You are not married and that makes a massive difference. He needs to protect his money

If he's got you paying 50/50 whilst he earns double what you earn he's a tight git and, I'll be honest, probably not looking to marry you (or share finances once married if he does pop the question). Do you really want to live like that?

This does not bode well for the future, he sounds very tight and has a lot more disposable income than you, not someone I would want to marry and have children with

What I don't understand is that you split all costs 50/50 eventhough he earns twice as much as you do. Without him you would have lived more cheaply and would not have to struggle so much to pay off your debts.

This is not about inherritance, but about not dividing your shared living expenses fairly. I think you need to have a talk about that.

Also what @Medianoche said regarding the cash and grief. Your DP should only be doing what feels right to him.

It doesn't seem like he thinks of you as a team, he could easily pay that 5k off and he hasn't. Not a good sign

@caraofthevelvetbluesea
Yes, sorry, I was typing at the same time as you, so hadn't seen your follow on post.
As he earns twice what you do, your bills should be split proportionally, not 50/50. Sounds as though I was right about him being mean, at the moment you are effectively supporting him...no wonder you have no money left while he has plenty.

Yes, YABU.

The inheritance was given to him, not the two of you together.

Yes, it would be nice for him to treat you, maybe a bit lavishly on your birthday or at Christmas. But there is no protocol for this.

Would you ask him to lend you the money to pay off your credit card in one fell swoop & pay him back over a longer time at a more favourable rate of interest ? This is his helping you to help yourself, you’d be making progress on your debt & have more splashable cash each month.