To be annoyed that partner is hoarding his inheritance money

YABU . You are not married, it is his money not yours. I would expect perhaps a small present but that is all.

I inherited quite a large sum of money prior to moving in with DP who later became DH. I have spent a lot of money on his house although I don't contribute to the mortgage, e.g. new kitchen, 2 new bathrooms, garden landscaping, new furniture, decorating when necessary, and lots more. I also spend a lot on holidays - the rest is saved for a rainy day. It was my parents' money and now mine - I don't think he feels entitled to any of it?

Legally it's his but in your situation I would view myself as married and having shared finances so it would be our money to decide what to do with. But that's just me and maybe not a widely held view.

that's a shame he doesn't want to pay off your debt, it's not that much considering what he got and it would make such a change to your life. Is he mean in general? It's a tricky one as what can you say!? You can't ask for him to pay the debt but I think you could get away with suggesting a holiday/trip for you both would be nice and see what he says?

I'm on the fence. You're not married so ordinarily I would say YABU but you also have a mortgage with him and maybe he could contribute to that. Should your finances be separate if you have a mortgage together??
Also you're not in debt because you blow money on things like trips to New York are you? You do things like that and 80 grand will soon go.

To be honest, if my DH inherited some money, I would consider it 'our' money. Same as if I inherited money. We have been married 4 years and have 2 DC and a joint mortgage. We earn about the same but if that changed I don't think we'd deal with money any differently. On that basis, I would expect us to have a discussion and agree what we'd do with the money.

I think I'd be looking for a partner who is more naturally generous, more of a sharer, tbh OP. Your partner sounds mean.

If he really wants to marry you like you've discussed then he has no excuse now like "saving up for a ring" so you'll soon know whether he sees you as a long term permanent part of his life

Indeed

Yabu if you EXPECTED him to and think he should, but I guess yanbu to feel a bit disappointed that he didn’t choose to.

When I got some inheritance I paid off my boyfriends overdraft and took us both to nyc. However, he had just financially supported me through my final year of uni so in a way I was thanking him for his support.

Maybe he doesn’t see receiving the inheritance as anything to celebrate and would rather not use it for anything “frivolous”?

I've been in a similar situation, and I would/did expect a 'treat' or for him to spend at least a bit on the money that would benefit us both. I knew I wasn't entitled to anything, but I would have been annoyed if he hadn't shared any of it. However, my (now) DH is incredibly tight with money and he has never been the kind to treat himself or others, so I knew he wouldn't want to spend money on something as frivolous as a trip to NY. Instead we talked about it and decided it'd be nice to have a car, so he spent £4k of his inheritance to buy us a second hand car as it was something practical that we could both enjoy. He kept the rest to save for the future. That worked for both of us and stopped it from causing any anonymity.

I've inherited a bit of money in the past month and can't even imagine not sharing (some of) it, but I've come to accept that me & DH simply have different attitudes to money.

I recently inherited £35K and my DH (of 21 years) suggested I put it into my retirement fund (I'm 52). He's an only child and his mum is well off (and 92) so the chances are he'll inherit a lot more than I did and I'd tell him to di the same.

Sorry but I think hes tight. He could have at least offered something. I'd be rethinking marrying or having kids to him. If you love someone surely you want to treat them now and then not sit on a fortune and watch them struggle.

If he earns double your income and you still split bills 50:50 he’s clearly not interested in spending money on you.

There's a reason the rich get richer...

How serious about you do you really think your DP is OP? Six years is a long time to be together and not get married unless you were very young when you met. Most of the couples I know who've got married did so within 4 years of meeting.

Because while yes, it's his money, bla bla bla, I think that if he actually gave a shit about you and saw you as his future wife and your finances as being his business he'd be a lot kinder and fairer than he is. He earns double what you do and you contribute the same to rent and bills leaving you utterly skint every month? He's left you wallowing in debt and he doesn't try to help you out? Fuck a trip to New York, if he really cared about you he'd suggest that the rent and bills were shared out according to earnings, so you could at least pay down the debt faster - or he'd pay it off for you and either say 'Don't worry about it', since money doesn't seem to be an issue for him.

IMO you need to think long and hard about your relationship OP. Does this man really love you and see you as his future wife, because he's not bloody acting like it.

I guess it depends on your relationship.

Before we were married I helped DH pay off debt, he shared an inheritance by putting it towards a house deposit. We still technically had separate finances up until buying the house.

Nextphonewontbesamsung
There is a massive difference between:

1. hoping that if he was going to spend it on a little something that I could share in it and
2. Being annoyed at someone investing their inheritance because I want them to take me to New York and I'll come on MN and accuse them of hoarding money (when we don't have shared finances).

A trip to New York or gift or something is a strange thought

I don't think it is. If you suddenly have extra cash available it's nice to do something with it that you couldn't have afforded otherwise.

next I wouldn’t expect a “treat” if my partner recieved the money due to a bereavement. That would be incredibly selfish.

Nothing wrong with hoping @Nextphonewontbesamsung, it's the expectation that's the problem.

I agree with pps who say you need to look at the 50-50 split on everyday expenses.

I am married and we do have a child. But if you have been together some years and have a joint mortgage, I don't think the marriage bit is relevant.

I came into an inheritance about 3 years ago. The first thing I did was pay off the mortgage, which benefits the whole family. The second thing I did was to replace our car, which benefited the whole family. And the third thing I did was replace my mum's car, which benefited her.

The rest of the money went into savings, has been used a bit for holidays (for all of us), some is earmarked for ds to use at uni/house deposit and if there's anything left after that it's a bit of a nest egg for a rainy day.

It seems a bit mean to squirrel it away and not share any of it. I didn't buy dh a present but the things above benefit him as well as ds.

Good Lord at all of you who wouldn't hope for a bit of a treat from your partner of 6 years if they came into £80,000. What weird relationships you must have.

Put another way, if he'd decided the money was for wasting/spending on fun things, then yes, I'd expect to be joining in on that. But taking a chunk to treat you, rather than to treat himself, out of a lump sum he was considering investing seems really strange.

If he said he was going to buy himself a watch or something similar to remember the person by, that would seem far more likely than buying something for you to mark the inheritance.

YABU. It’s his inheritance presumably from his family. Up to him what he does with it.

I’d not want my children spending any family money like that on a bf/gf. I’d want them to use it wisely to benefit them in life.

I’d be concerned if I were him that you thought it should be shared or part spent on you.

One person's "tight" is another person's "prudent". But it sounds like the 2 of you are not on the same financial page.
I agree.

Oh had you been a man OP you would have been ripped to shreds for this. Most would have said she is wise to keep her funds separate and would encourage it. Fortunately for you, there's those that see a man's money as something the woman is entitled to.
I also agree with this
Women are advised to be prudent with their assets if they aren't married and there is any financial discrepancy.
Men on here are expected to make everything family money regardless of marital status and anything else is awful