To be annoyed that partner is hoarding his inheritance money

How long have you lived together?

I don’t think he is being unreasonable. He is saving the money and that’s the right thing to do. It’s very normal not to want to fritter away parts of an inheritance and want to save all of it to put into something substantial. Like putting it away in savings until it’s needed for a house move or whatever. Its also very typical that people are advised to do nothing with an inheritance until they have had a chance to think about what they want to do with it.

I think you are unreasonable to think he should spend some of it on a treat for you both.

thing is you are a couple, we expect this to be a relationship between equals, people of equal standing, yet he likes you to be in the 'poor relation' seat

@coco123456789 And no I’m not in debt because I’m a ‘frivolous’ spender but because the two degrees I did crippled me & the cost of living in this country is high Ops answer regarding the debt.

He’s very sensibly saving it so if you stay together presumably you will benefit from it in the future

I inherited a 5- figure sum from my DGrandad 4 years ago. It paid for a loft extension, a new car for me and 2 family holidays. But I am married with 2 DC and my grandad was very close to us all. The rest (c. £10k) is in my personal savings account and I have no intention of spending it on anything else for the family. I think that's a fair split.

You haven’t answered why you are in debt. To be honest, the idea of going off to New York when you are in debt does make me wonder at your attitude to incomings / outgoing and living within your means. I’m not sure how old you are, but unless you are in your late 30s 6 years isn’t so long in the grand scheme of things. Plenty of people have relationships for 8-10 years which don’t lead to marriage when they are at uni or in their 20s

I would t expect anything but it would be nice to maybe pay off a bit extra on the mortgage to give a break over Christmas

The bills are already fair, 50/50 between the two adults. Why should he pay more because he earns more and didn’t get into debt.

Definitely have a talk to him about splitting the bills fairly, as well as the housework! That does come across as very unfair, as you’re a couple and not just friends sharing a house.

Do you also pay for the food shop in its entirety? The way it was worded seems like you do.

It was prudent for him to put it the inheritance into savings. I would have done the same. Although, I agree with posters saying paying off some of the mortgage would be prudent as well, and benefits you both.

My son earns approximately 3 times what his girlfriend earns. They have a mortgage together. His is salary, hers varies month to month.

He pays enough into the joint pot to cover all household bills including fuel, (he uses a lot more than her). Whatever that proportion is of his wage, she pays a similar proportion of hers.

He doesnt see you as a partner, more a housemate with benefits, you seem to be saying that he doesnt do his fair share of the domestic work...sounds like he likes to lord it over you?

I think if finances are separate then YABU to expect to have a say in how it’s spent, but YANBU to be disappointed that he doesn’t want to spend some of it on a shared experience for you.
Out of curiosity I just asked DH what he’d do, and he listed a big holiday for us all, paying some off the mortgage and then put the rest in savings for our future.

Interesting one, as I'm the one in our relationship who is coming into a big inheritence. I already have part of it, hopefully rest will be forthcoming by the end of the month.

I have told DH that it should (but I am waiting until it's all in) be enough to pay off the mortgage, which is probably what I'd prioritise, as that'd be a significant burden off us each month, enable us to just about cope on only my salary etc (his career is rather up and down earning wise), and he's OK with that.

I haven't treated him to anything as such, but the money so far has meant being able to 'yes' to things without worrying about the cost too much.

All a bit thrown at the moment as he lost his job recently and given what I've been hearing about the market, he could be out of work for some time so we may just need to keep ourselves afloat.

But also I couldn’t imagine inheriting such a big sum and not sharing it or treating my fiancé. Of course he doesn’t have to but personally I feel that mean and miserly, I wouldn’t think twice about treating all my family members.
Good for you

He has chosen not to spend his inheritance and put it to one side for later when he might want to.

As someone up thread said, what one person would consider tight, another would consider prudent.

It sounds like they aren't financially compatible anyway (one gets a large sun of money and puts it to one side, the other thinks they should have a treat and go to New York).

Sorry but I disagree with you OP.
You have to learn to live within your means...that means paying off debts and living with your regular income.
Inheritance isn’t to be spent but saved for the future.
If/when I get one, I plan to pass it to my children and if I spend any of it, only interest and never capital.

In addition, you two are not married and have separate finances. You are greedy and selfish to expect to get some of HIS inheritance money the same I would be greedy and selfish if even expected to get an inheritance!

Finally, £80k is not that much. It’s much smarter to put it away and save it than to spend it on stuff you do not need.

Okay - he earns twice what you do, yet you split bills etc. fifty-fifty.

Fifty-fifty is appropriate to a flat share between friends, not a romantic partnership where you're living together. If you marry, I'd expect it to be far more "from each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs."

Ask yourself what happens once you marry. Will he be the sort of man who sees the kids as "yours" and all the childcare costs as being set against your salary, not the joint household income? Will he continue to pay half while you struggle even more to cover things like kids' clothing, shoes, etc?

The inheritance issue on its own I'd be YABU - he's inherited, he's under no obligation to bail you out, even though the debts come from understandable reasons (college expenses) rather than frivolous ones.

But I suspect you're actually getting hung up on this issue because you can't deal with the real issue, which is that he sees this as a flatshare, and you see it as a step towards marriage. If he carries this attitude through into a marriage, especially if you then have kids, you will end up royally screwed.

But also I couldn’t imagine inheriting such a big sum and not sharing it or treating my fiancé. Of course he doesn’t have to but personally I feel that mean and miserly, I wouldn’t think twice about treating all my family members.

I think this is going tell you what you need to know with regards to his commitment to your relationship

I don’t see that it’s weird to receive a sum of money and not immediately need to blow a wedge of it on a ‘treat’. Inherited money often comes with an emotional aspect, and the ‘fun’ element can be difficult to reconcile with that.
Me neither and I would imagine even harder to reconcile if you've got a partner you don't share finances with accusing you of "hoarding" the money because you've chosen not to spend it yet.

Never mind the inheritance for now, why an earth are you paying 50% of bills when he earns double what you do? That’s unfair, it should be a fair split of bills leaving you with enough money to have a more fairer and comparable disposable income. I would split the bills two thirds to him one third to you ASAP.

I'm afraid if you're not married, I'd see it as his inheritance not your (both) inheritance

I think you’d not feel like this if he treated you like an equal partner every day. It is his inheritance and it is choice whether or not to share it with you. However, this is part of a wider pattern. Are you sure you want to spend the rest of your life and potentially have children with a man, who is happy to see you in debt?! What would happen when you had a child, would he expect you to feed and clothe the child on your mat pay? I’ve read a bunch of similar threads, where the op does have a child, including married women and his behaviour is a red flag for the future.

in your situation I would view myself as married

Why would you view yourself as married to someone you’re not married to?

Good Lord at all of you who wouldn't hope for a bit of a treat from your partner of 6 years if they came into £80,000. What weird relationships you must have.

I’ve inherited two fairly substantial sums in the last few years. I’ve invested part of it (some for us, some for the children); the rest was spent on house renovations and clearing all of our debts.

We’re not flashy, we don’t buy designer clothes or huge TVs, not much interested in ‘things’. We can afford the type of holiday we want each year without dipping into savings or invested money, so no need to spend any on that. Don’t want or need a fancy car, the one I’ve got is fine.

I don’t see that it’s weird to receive a sum of money and not immediately need to blow a wedge of it on a ‘treat’. Inherited money often comes with an emotional aspect, and the ‘fun’ element can be difficult to reconcile with that.