To be annoyed that partner is hoarding his inheritance money

Not RTFT but LTB now .

oops sorry about the typos

DP recently inherited £30,000 from his nan passing. He put 20k into savings, 5k paid off the debt (some just my personal debt.) He gave me 1k to get some new things for the house, spent some (a lot) on the kids & spent the rest on what ever he fancied.

Although I never expected it, I suppose I would of been a bit peeved if he said he was putting it all away. You don’t inherit large amounts of money every day, so I think having fun with a small part of it is good. So in my opinion YANBU.

But I suspect you're actually getting hung up on this issue because you can't deal with the real issue, which is that he sees this as a flatshare, and you see it as a step towards marriage

Yes...

I'm so saddened at people who are talking about "rights" to the money.
Of course OP doesn't have a "right", but what has happened to kindness?

I can remember being a kid and finding money on the ground. My best friend and I went to the shop and split it on a treat.

I too would be concerned about a person who is happy to see his partner struggle- especially given the reasons why she is in debt, and why she hasn't yet been able to pay them off.

DH didn't share his inheritance with me. So years later I haven't with him and I have had two and way more than him. I helped one of my kids buy a house and have enough for the other two when they are ready. I had helped eldest with my savings.

I wanted to take the kids on a holiday to where I used to live with the possibility of going back there but he wouldn't years later he did could for a holiday with the youngest and realised his mistake.I was a bitch and reminded him we could have been living there with wall to wall sunshine and sun, sea and surf and lots of sport opportunities for the boys. I invested the rest of the first and the second is just in the bank at present as I was hoping to buy a small holiday retreat so my family could use it too and everyone would always be able to have a holiday for free each year. I eventually found just the right one but due to sudden interest needed about £10,000 more and he wouldn't give me it. So now what his is his and whats mine is mine. one day I will find something else meanwhile the house with my son has nearly doubled.

So if he doesn't share then don't share with him is my advice.

To those saying 50/50 is perfectly reasonable, I'd say it would be if they lived some place they could both afford. That is not the case, so they either have to move to a more reasonably priced place, change the split percentage or OP has to move out to a place she can afford.

But as it stands, the current situation is completely unreasonable.

If I inherited that amount I would be paying off mortgage or putting it into a savings account. If you have little money left each month it does suggest you have little or no savings so it seems very sensible to save it. Holidays and treats are nice but a stable and secure financial future is more important to me. But that's just my own view.

With those who say proportionate bills would be much fairer-say 66/33. My brother has just moved in with girlfriend of 2 years and, as he earns substantially more, covers 75% of rent/bills.

If fairer split, you’d have some headroom to clear debts and save for your own treats. Agree inheritance is his to do with as he wants.

I’d also pick up on the unequal housework bit ASAP.

My fella got some money when his nan died (5k)
He got straight on the net and bought me some boots I’d been after for ages but couldn’t afford the £70 they cost
He also bought me some other bits and bobs I wanted and he’s put the rest away
I didn’t ask for any of this stuff

If I got in a relationship with someone who earned less than me and had debts to bloody right would I make sure everything was 50/50

On mn a woman who has had a gift of money = make sure you keep money for yourself and have a runaway fund

A man same situation = he’s an arse, a tightwad, he doesn’t respect you

Mmmm - I think he's telling you what stage your relationship is at. You have a mortgage together, but you are not married and he is keeping finances separate. He's still hedging his bets. It's entirely up to him what he does with his money obviously, you have no right to expect anything, but if he were seeing your future together I'd be expecting him to pay off your debts (which will be costing more than he can earn in interest). I think the fact that that you think he should blow it on an extravagant trip may explain why you are not on the same page.

Can't believe how many people think the 50:50 split is fine when he earns double.

If you love someone and have a home and mortgage together then surely you wouldn't want your partner to be struggling to make all the required payments every month while you didn't need to think about it. Regardless of the inheritance issue I think the OP is being badly treated.

Massive Red flag now and for the future of this relationship.

When I had an inheritance I put the money towards buying our home and a new car for our family. I would never have thought have keeping a separate stash for me.

Maybe the problem is that you are thinking in terms of 'we' but he is thinking 'me, myself, and I'.

You mention the mortgage and that you've been together six years, and 'have spoken about marriage'. I suspect that in your head you have already got a foot in the door wrt marriage.

Maybe your P sees himself as your mortgage partner and housemate with benefits.

He sounds like a tightwad, frankly.
And you are getting the thin end of the financial wedge in the relationship.

Quite frankly, I would be asking, 'What's in this for me?' at this point if I were you.
Talking about marriage isn't the same at all as popping the question and buying a ring. Meanwhile, you are essentially paying proportionally way more than he is for the privilege of living in the house with him. He is not as invested financially as you are in your shared life.

You need to talk about finances. Listen carefully to what he actually says, not what you want to hear.

I suspect time elapsed and having a mortgage in both your names along with 'talking about marriage' has given you more hope of a solid foundation to the relationship than what this turn of events reflects.

Don't have children until you are sure there are no more issues between the two of you wrt money.

Marriage does make a difference - of course it does! It shows a proper commitment. And an inheritance would only be considered a matrimonial asset if it was used to benefit both parties in the marriage, such as paying off a mortgage. If you don't want to get married then you need to accept that certain 'advantages' will pass you by.

As for the bill situation, I don't think it's necessarily wrong they are split 50/50. Different if you had kids and were either not working or working part time and couldn't earn because you were providing childcare.

I would personally see it as 50% my DPs, which wouldn’t mean I would give him 40k it would mean we would both benefit from it almost equally.... and I would like to think he would be the same. If not, personally I think people being different with money is a huge issue, well it certainly can be

In theory you're BU to expect anything, but it's a bit chilling IRL you've got £0 or even a pizza. Is he usually this mean?

I wouldn't be washing his socks anytime soon. No treats.

He sounds like a total miser. Is he usually so tight?

I think the inheritance is the least of your issues to be honest. He should be paying proportionally way more than he is if he earns significantly more than you. What sort of man let's the person he purports to love struggle financially because he won't split things equitably. He won't marry you OP - he'd be risking his money if he did.

How is the house split on the deeds - equally I hope.

You need to have a conversation about your future, and about making things equitable. If he stalls, which he will, you need to move on. Note - equitable does not mean equal.

He's not fair with money full stop even before the inheritance.

After 6 years together and a shared mortgage I’d feel we were at the point where we were a partnership not have separate finances.
It would worry me that my partner kept that separation at this stage. I suppose different people have different arrangements.
You mention that he earns more than you. Is the debt from keeping a couple lifestyle that you can’t maintain? Most couples have joint finances so this doesn’t happen.
I’d expect after 6 years some joint discussion on the windfall. I’d see us s relationship not two separate people that share a house.

I don’t think you’re wrong for wanting some sort of consideration and I don’t think he’s wrong for putting it all away. The point is, you’re clearly on different pages with regards to finances and that is possibly going to get harder to reconcile as your relationship goes on. If you decide you want a family, will you put off having them until you’re clear of cc debt and loans? Because you certainly can’t afford them at the moment if he’s expecting you to contribute 50/50 to their upbringing.

I’m curious why, if you’ve spoken about marriage in the future, you’ve decided not to go ahead yet? There’s nothing wrong with being happily unmarried, but is that what you want?

If it’s a recent inheritance he may not be ready to touch it emotionally. It took me 3 years before I spent a penny of mine

Coco
Part was related to studying degrees
Part was linked to cost of living

Obviously if OP is also spending the same as her DP that's going to affect her finances too.