To be annoyed that partner is hoarding his inheritance money

So you're upset that the person in your relationship who's actually careful with money plans to be careful with his money? That money invested never going to be a bad thing in the long run!

Technically it's his money but that doesn't mean he isn't a cnut for being tight.

@caraofthevelvetbluesea your famous Radio Scotland used youvas their Wednesday dilemma type feature! Hope it's not caused you any hassle.

@DoctorAllcome. We have joint accounts with access to the money. Yes. We’re also now married with 3 children.

@ThatCurlyGirl. Very true. I also agree if the roles were reversed.

@DoctorAllcome. He put my name on the deeds. I didn’t put a penny towards it

joerev
“My husband inherited just under 2 mil. We weren’t married at the time yet his first instinct was to buy us a house. No mortgage. He put the rest in savings. His first though was for us and for our future. So I understand why you’d think that way.”

He bought a house for himself and put the rest in his savings.
Or did he put your name on the house deed? Or add you as joint owner of said savings account?

@Joerev

My husband inherited just under 2 mil. We weren’t married at the time yet his first instinct was to buy us a house. No mortgage. He put the rest in savings. His first though was for us and for our future. So I understand why you’d think that way.

I think that's very different though, so much so that it isn't a fair comparison. A 'treat' for the couple would be such a bigger % of the total amount inherited when taken from £80,000 rather than almost £2,000,000.

I also agree with PP that if genders were reversed and a woman inherited £80k and didn't want to bail their husband out of debt etc so he was feeling peeved, that this would have had a much bigger proportion of responses sympathetic to the woman.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, but I think it boils down to the type of person you are. If I inherited £80k I’d put £70k straight in the bank and use £10k for paying off mine and my partner’s credit card, then splash out on a decent holiday. That’s just me though...I like to be generous and my partner is the same. Accept not all people would see this the same way.

Well, in partner's shoes, i'd also stash it away if she managed to amass a £5K credit card debt

The inheritance isn’t important. The fact that he earns double than you but expects you to contribute exactly half is concerning.

It is concerning for OP in that he clearly hasn't decided that she will be his partner for life yet. However, that is often the case if people aren't married whether or not they live together. It doesn't mean he is tight. It just means that he wants to keep things separate (for now anyway).

Christ some of the comments here. can you imagine the responses if the situation was reversed and a woman had inherited the money and wanted to invest it all? And that woman had a partner who had debts and who “had a face on” because the woman refused to give him treats or offer to pay off some of the debt? Every single response would be praising the woman for being financially prudent while telling her to LT(grabby)B. It is after all her money. Not his. No-one would be called her tight. 🙄

However. This wasn’t from his parents. This was another relative and yes he was incredibly sad for a long time. But once the grief had settled. Then he thought of us and our future.

I think what’s more upsetting is that he’s not thinking of ‘you’. Though if it’s from his parents. That could be grief.

I didn’t expect anything. No holiday. Nothing. He wanted to make ‘our’ life easier. As we were going to have a future together

My husband inherited just under 2 mil. We weren’t married at the time yet his first instinct was to buy us a house. No mortgage. He put the rest in savings. His first though was for us and for our future. So I understand why you’d think that way.

The inheritance isn’t important. The fact that he earns double than you but expects you to contribute exactly half is concerning. Surely the fair way when living with someone and you both earn is to make sure you each have some disposable income, for one to have plenty and the other to have none seems silly. Why live with someone and plan a life with them if you’re happy to have more than them?

I think you can always tell the people posting from outside the UK in these threads, because they say things like 'a mortgage is the same as married' or 'living together for 20 years is as big a commitment as marriage.'

In other jurisdictions and cultures- they are 💯 right. But not in the UK.

"If you live together with someone as if you're married, you're a team. "

But you're not married. That's what many people think makes the difference when it comes to matters like this.

I earn more than my DP and pay more than him (I'm female). It's nothing to do with feminism, it's to do with fairness.

A grown adult expected to pay 50% of their own way, perish the thoughts. What would the feminists think?

@NotBeingRobbed - that was your devastating experience of losing someone, and your understandable reaction to it, but that won't be everyone's experience. Some may want to treat themselves (and their partner!) to celebrate their loved one's life, or as a break from grieving, or they may not experience deep grief for many valid reasons.
There is nothing in the OP to suggest she lacks empathy. I would suggest her DP lacks empathy for her, earning far more than her, yet she pays 50% of bills and is in debt. And does most of the chores.

I don’t see him as tight. The OP is already in debt and not doing anything extra to clear it so why would he bail her out?

If a BF thought I should be spending on him in these circumstances he would be a BF for long.

This is my, I can't understand that at all.

I really can't.

Not being robbed I agree with your posts and no one can envisage how hard it is to do what you describe until they have been there!.
It is arduous, sad, time consuming, heart braking.
However..... Watching someone die... Did drum into me how short life is.
The money I received I took v seriously and did as you say... I'll never get more, its not lottery win, its been saved hard for...

But I did ring fence a nominal amount to have fun with loved ones.... It's possible to do both... I wouldn't except him to pay off ops debt... But one weekend break, special jewellery... Something.... Something... Would be nice... Life is short!!

My DH inherited approx £300k following the death of his parents. He put it all in savings. That was about 7 years ago now. It's his money and I never felt I had a right to it. When there have been times in thoss years that we've needed money, such as when we did an extension on the house, he's used bits to top up where we were short, but the bulk is still there. Hes8ciewing it as money for us to have an easy retirement on, so I don't feel it's my place to argue with his intentions even though it has grated at times like when we need a new car, knowing it's there but he doesn't see it as spending money. There was no big family treat when the money came through. Neither of us is in debt (although we have a very large mortgage)

So, @caraofthevelvetbluesea Have you had a talk with him about the chores and splitting of the bills?