To be hurt that my best friend hasn't called me or visited me since my mum died.

Friends don't go to your Mum's Funeral because they knew them.They go to support you their friend.... grieving Daughter. My Best friend completely ghosted me in Jan after my mum died. She texted and rang once for 2 mins. She lives 10 miles away. I was there for her when both her parents died. Spent hours physically & practicality comforting her. No visits, condolance card, and no show at Mums funeral, despite saying she was coming. I have other friends who showed up big time. My Work colleagues were amazing. But the one person I expected to be by my side couldn't be arsed. I am thankful for my adult children, sisters & brother who shared the funeral organising, we have been supporting each other. But my friend has lost me for life. Never have I been so Hurt, shocked & disappointed at the behavior of someone I loved & respected. There is no acceptable excuse.

Sorry for the loss of your mum.

Well done for contacting Pippa. Has she replied to you yet?

Concentrate on the good friends you do have.

*closest not closets 🤦‍♀️

Hi OP

I'm not surprised you're hurt. Pregnancy isn't an excuse for not supporting your best friend at the most difficult time of her life. Even a problematic pregnancy.

During the weeks my premature niece was ICU, I was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy, had 2 shots of methotrexate to treat it after weeks of stress and uncertainty, felt sick as a dog... but I was there for my DB and SIL several days & nights a week helping with food and supplies. I'd do the same for my friends.

My closets friends were always there for me when my parents died, so I think your friend has shown her true colours. I'd find her current lack of support unforgivable.

Really sorry for loss too

Being pregnant, even if it’s your first and not straightforward, doesn’t give anyone a free pass from picking up the phone or sending more than generic messages. Plus I think it’s outrageous that your best friend skipped your mother’s funeral because she ‘had plans’. A friend of mine moved a session of chemo therapy to attend a close friend’s mother’s funeral.

And anyone with the slightest imagination can imagine losing a parent — I don’t think you have to be ‘in the club’.

She’s being shit, OP, and I’m not surprised you’re hurt and baffled. I think Lauren should tell her to cop herself on.

I’m very sorry your mother died. And glad you have other, better friends.

In two of my three pregnancies I have been there as my best friend lost her very close grandparents. Pregnancy doesn't stop her showing compassion FFS.

I'm so sorry about your mum. And that you've been let down.

I'm so glad you've got the support you have. It's ok to "fall apart" as much as you need to for as long as you need to.

I won't tell you it gets "easier" or that you'll "get over it" (which seem to be the refrains of people who've not lost their mum), and you already know you won't forget her, but you will gradually learn to carry both her loss and her memory with you as you continue living.

I am glad you've got people in your life to carry you in the meantime.

The only thing that she has to defend her is that people who haven't lost their mums prematurely have no idea at all what it is like.

I think this thread and the posts on it really demonstrate this.

Losing your mum is not like other bereavements. People who haven't been through loss don't understand bereavement in general, but people who've not lost their mums have no clue at all.

However, lacking the ability to understand how it feels shouldn't stop people with the ability to empathise with other humans from putting themselves in your shoes and understanding how it would affect them to lose their mum to therefore have some inkling of all the ways in which it is affecting you.

Hence the wonderful support you've had from so many.

I actually don't think there is any excuse for being this much of a narcissistic dick towards someone who's lost a parent.

jameswong here, have a

Being pregnant and having kids doesn't make you special, women have been doing it since the dawn of humanity. Neither does it absolve you of being an unkind twat.

I am so sorry for your loss. I understand first hand how being responsible for the aftermath of a family members death can compound how you feel. My best friend of over a decade shut down when my dad died. She didn't see me, attend his funeral, spoke to me like Mary Poppins when we did speak on the phone. I spoke to her eventually and told her I felt sad & let down by her behaviour. It turned out she didn't know what to say. It was as simple as that. I told her what I needed from her- not to say it gets better. To let me cry. To get drunk with me. Listen to stories about my dad. Just BE THERE! We are stronger than ever. So pleased we had that chat. Maybe give her a chance?

Firstly, I’m really sorry you lost your mum.

Pippa sounds somewhat self-absorbed, but, in her defence, a lot of people who haven’t been through bereavement are very clueless about what its like. Others don’t want to even think about death and run away from it.

You clearly have plenty of lovely friends, including Lauren, who are supporting you at this time, you really do find out who your friends are at times like this. As for Pippa, it’s disappointing, but, as others have said, there may be more stuff going on with her pregnancy than you know about. I think you’re doing well to give her the benefit of the doubt.

I saw you're follow up post. You sound quote immature re the boy band. You have a lot of life to experience yet. Miscarriage is much more common in T1.

I'm sorry that your wife had a miscarriage, but going to a concert isn't linked to miscarriage as far as I am aware.....

OP she's self absorbed and selfish. The only thing that she has to defend her is that people who haven't lost their mums prematurely have no idea at all what it is like. I didn't before it happened to me and I've met lots of clueless people since who expect that all is normal post funeral . So sorry it's happened to you too

some people just don't know how to talk to people who have lost someone. I think we see so little death nowadays compared to years ago, People used to have relatives in their front parlour before the funeral. I bet very few people would do that nowadays. Some religions have a lot of observance around a death which probably helps with the grief.

Some people, like yourself, might appreciate the contact, but others might prefer not be reminded of their loss. I doubt your friend means anything

@jameswong I'll admit to not having carried my own kids, so don't know all the theory ..... but you learn something new everyday ..... never realised attending Boyzone concerts was an integral part of pregnancies. Must find out if NHS prescribe this before I'm too old. This may be life altering.

Load of rubbish.

Some people are capable of supporting others in times of need, despite their own troubles. Some folk will be nice & kind to a friend, even if not feeling 100% themselves. Life's not a game of Top Trumps.

@CariadBach33 he's just mansplaining pregnancy to women 😂😂

prioritizing her own needs - which is natural and right

A friend of mine did so,thing similar after my mother died. She too was pregnant and had come to the funeral of my husband (who died just after our last IVF failure) with a noticeable bump when told by mutual friends that due to my circumstances and why my husband killed himself - it might be a tad insensitive. But no, her needs were more important and I had to get used to seeing pregnant women.

She's now dumped.

Some people are arseholes who think they are the only people on earth who ever carried a child. The only thing to do is to let them get on with it.

I saw you're follow up post. You sound quote immature re the boy band. You have a lot of life to experience yet. Miscarriage is much more common in T1. My wife basically stayed home for her 2nd T1 after a miscarriage her previous pregnancy. 2nd trimester she went to Japan on holiday and 3rd trimester we went for a long weekend to Macau. It will have been the same for your friend. Her love of BZ is a front to avoid explaining the excruciating difficulty of overcoming the early stage of a first pregnancy for a first time mum.

Yanbu to feel hurt. But don't tell her. When you have kids, and for women that starts 9 months earlier than for men, your entire world changes. She's only thinking of herself and her kid. Sadly you and your mum are an after thought. She'll be genuinely sad but has other priorities now. Going to hobbies and what not will be a necessary stress relief during pregnancy. She'll be aware that there will be no more hobbies after the baby is born and is prioritizing her own needs - which is natural and right.

Broadly speaking people tend to do what most benefits them personally, the conscious mind in its role as press secretary then looks for the narrative which puts us in the best light