My friend is cleaning my house! Should I be grateful or offended?

Yep it is insulting and annoying when you explicitly say NO to someone and they ignore you and carry on doing what they want. It's rude and inconsiderate and dismissive.

Like one woman I used to work with.

Her; 'Do you want a coffee?'
Me; 'No thanks.'
Her; 'Are you sure?'
Me; 'I am yes thanks, I don't want a coffee.'
Her; 'I don't mind making you one.'
Me; 'But I don't want one, thanks anyway.'
Her; 'It's no trouble.'
Me; 'It's fine - no thanks!'

Woman goes off into kitchen. Guess what she comes back with.....

A cup of coffee for me.

Cunt.

Someone cleaning my house when I have NOT asked, when it is already bloody clean enough, and when I have told her to please stop cleaning my house, is fucking infuriating.

Honestly, I'd be offended at this level of "cleaning", even if my house needed it! If it is unsolicited "help" then to me it is not help but judgement.

It's one thing if I had a friend come round for a party and help out with the cleaning up afterwards. It's also fine for "party clear up" to end up being extended to include a bit of my general housework - for example if they were washing up the plates/glasses used at the party and did the dishes left over from lunch at the same time, or they were sweeping and mopping the living room and they ended up doing the whole of the downstairs (living room/kitchen/bathroom) since it wasn't much more work, or they finished the party clear up and then took the kitchen rubbish/recycling as well as the party rubbish out to the wheelie bin - as those things are normal extensions of the cleaning up tasks and would be something done together as part of the clear up.

However, when the host has stopped (or not started!) clearing up and the guest continues, refusing to stop when asked to and only stopping over an hour later when "bribed" with food and going over and beyond general "party clean up extension" tasks it actually becomes insulting as she is clearly more bothered by the cleaning and getting the place to her standard than by her host's feelings.

I once cleaned my boyfriend's mum's oven (when I was staying for a week) and proudly showed her it when she got back from the shops. I now realise why she looked a bit nonplussed!! A very kind woman; not sure I would be so nice to my son's (fictional) interfering gf if she cleaned my bloody oven

When I was a kid and we were out in the country (as opposed to city/suburbia) if women came to visit, they wouldn't leave without really helping out with the housework (This is in the US) It was definitely a country custom, and was not a reflection on your cleanliness, but more an expression of female solidarity/helpfulness.
I am always delighted when someone helps clear up/ clean after a party - much better than the Lady Muck who leaves her plate on the table with the napkin dropped on it, expecting someone else to clear.

OP - some people just really, really like cleaning. Bake her a cake - or something else if she doesn't do cake!

I have to admit, I would be really offended!

Someone going through my house and cleaning it thoroughly, would suggest to me that they thought it was dirty/scruffy etc.

I may be in the minority, but yeah it would offend me.

If someone cleaned ours that much after a party I'd probably register that I ought to be offended but be too busy weeping with gratitude to be.

I wouldn't like this and its happened to me before.

Helping to clean up party mess is one thing. Cleaning the entirety of your house is quite insulting to be honest.

My best friend is a little like this, first time like you I couldn't decide how to react but she genuinely loves to clean, last time I went away she roped my boyfriend into helping her clean the whole house completely. I love her.

I've had to clean a friend's house before, it was really really dirty and I was worried that she'd end up giving her children something nasty. Sh had post natal depression and her husband was absolutely useless.

However, your friends d I st sounds a bit obsessed...take her out for lunch.

My MIL is like this.. I was offended at first but then realised she loves cleaning, and it's only a few times a year. I confess I'm not a deep cleaner so she can fill her boots

Just leave her to it and appreciate. Me and DH used to get slightly offended when my mum cleaned on every visit. But she's just much much more into cleaning than me. I find her doing things that wouldn't even occur to me, like washing the back of the front door. These days I just let her get on with it and look at it as having a free cleaner 😂

My friend often comes round and cleans. She's single with no kids and I have 2 kids and currently battling morning sickness with number 3. She's amazing!

I would love it if someone came to my house and tackled my kitchen.

Leave your friend to it unless you're really uncomfortable, then ask them to stop.

I'm this friend too. When I was younger I was invited to a house party, got smashed, and then thoroughly cleaned their house.

DD5 does this too now. She went to my friend's house and gave it a good clean over the summer. Said friend has requested she comes back to do it again 🙈

Some people really enjoy cleaning, I know it's weird but they do exist.

Have you got the impression she's been dying to clean your house for a while and the party was an excuse/reason?

Is it the tidy ups from a speed comedown?

Just let her get on with it.

I'd be delighted and would pour her wine and buy her takeaway and put her at the top of my Christmas list forever. Lucky you

Ah she is just saying thanks in a weird way
But yes maybe the dirt annoyed her a bit !

A couple of years ago when DS was still v little, I agreed to give my best friend a place to stay for a while.

It could have been awful.......
It was fucking amazing!!

She was so much more houseproud than me (I'm a lazy git!)

She cleaned things, tidied things, brought me tea when I was breast feeding, cooked dinner etc.

Being 100% honest when she first did it I felt like she was saying it wasn't clean/tidy enough for her, but I know for a fact that she was doing it because she was grateful for the room, and felt she should be extra lovely to make up for imposing on my family life.

Cleaning after a party is exactly the sort of thing she would do, and having known her for 20 years, I no longer get offended.
In fact I am forever so indebted to her for the help she gives me, and now I just stick my feet up and thank my lucky stars to have such an amazing friend!

Going against the grain here, but I would be really peed off. Especially if I had asked her to stop and she didn't.
I would probably (politely) ask her to leave.

It depends how messy/dirty the house was before the party - and how much of the cleaning relates to party mess - as to whether you should be taking offence.