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My friend is cleaning my house! Should I be grateful or offended?

82 replies

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 09/09/2017 19:13

I had a party. All good. Now my friend who is staying over is cleaning my house. Top to bottom. Dusting, polishing, mopping. I've told her to stop but she won't!

Does that mean she thinks my house is really dirty or is she just being polite? She's raked up dust balls I didn't know existed.

Should I stop her or just relax?

What is the protocol?

OP posts:
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Emeraldrose22 · 03/08/2026 19:14

As a friend who does this... It's not to be offending. It's to be helpful. If your my actual "friend" which I don't call everyone that. And I don't go to people's houses I don't trust and care for deeply. But if I do and I clean. It's because I love you. And I want to help make your life easier. Because life is hard. And who knows what your going through and maybe not sharing with me or have shared with me. And I know a clean home helps bring positive energy. And I just want to be able to share that feeling with you.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 10/09/2017 16:08

Id go help her and stop slagging her off.

Not slagging her off at all. She's lovely. And she physically wouldn't let me help her when I tried.

Update: her DS is allergic to cats, dogs, pollen and dust. Hence the constant cleaning. I always wondered why her place was so immaculate.

OP posts:
tomatoplantproject · 10/09/2017 07:39

I am this friend. I like things being clean. I have a friend who lives i a bee-yootiful house but its filled with so much crap and mess its heartbreaking. Give me a free weekend, a similar minded friend and some banging tunes and I'm in there.

TammySwansonTwo · 10/09/2017 07:25

Sounds like a lovely friend to me. Since the boys were born I've had one friend offer to help me with housework and she's only ever seen the place very clean and tidy so I'm sure it's just being helpful. It's a very lovely gesture - maybe she just loves cleaning?!

EachandEveryone · 10/09/2017 07:17

Well maybe it's just me but I would've joined in with regret cleaning. Many hands and all that....

Ilovetolurk · 10/09/2017 07:08

I get this urge in my friend's houses and I restrain myself to the kitchen so that it's not obvious

It's not a reflection on them it's just that the house is dirty and it calls to me

Also when I was younger I had other friends who would do this for me so it does not seem odd in my mind

Bluntness100 · 10/09/2017 06:57

Are you sure the house isn't dirty? People only tend to clean what needs cleaning, if she's cleaning your bathroom, for example, I'd assume she thinks it needs cleaning,,,,maybe,she's been itching to do it and just used this opportunity...

However as you don't like doing it, then let her crack on...

newmumwithquestions · 10/09/2017 06:49

I have friend envy.

Normanpriceisnotarolemodel · 10/09/2017 06:46

The friend I have who cleaned someone else's house for them then went round telling everyone she knew how totally disgusting the persons house was.

How would you feel about your friend if she did that?

Italiangreyhound · 10/09/2017 04:01

IfyouseeRitaMoreno I think what she is doing is both rude and helpful! You've asked her to stop and she won't, and I think it seems quite insulting (although I am guessing she is a very good friend and so maybe doesn't feel it is insulting).

(However, I would be kind of grateful.)

I'd be included to make her a tea and leave her to it.

blueberrypie0112 · 10/09/2017 03:27

None, I think she just didn't want you to think she is too much work. It was her way of saying thank you for letting her stay

Beeziekn33ze · 10/09/2017 02:58

I can't imagine just how good it would feel to get up the morning after a party and find a clean and tidy house! What a friend!

jaboker · 10/09/2017 02:57

Yep, you live in a shit hole. Sort it out.

mytilini · 10/09/2017 02:53

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bigbluedustbin · 10/09/2017 02:02

I almost want to have a party now in the hope that someone will clean my house. I hate parties.

melj1213 · 10/09/2017 01:29

In my family and circle of friends it's completely normal to help out with the cleaning when you stay at someone's house, to sit and do nothing would probably get a few raised eyebrows.

The difference Titanias is that in this case it is the host who wants to sit and do nothing, and the guest is the one insisting on cleaning above and beyond the party clean up.

In my family/friendship circles it is also normal to help clean up when you're staying with someone, but only things the host asks you to do or that you offer to help with, and definitely not to the point your host has to repeatedly ask you to stop!

It was my nephews birthday a couple of weeks ago, my brother had a party at home. My mum and dad had offered to have all the grandkids for a sleepover so once they'd left my sister and I helped my brother and SIL clear up the house on the promise of a chilled night in hanging out once we'd finished. We cleared the rubbish, wrapped up left over party food, washed up the cutlery and crockery used, hoovered up party food crumbs not that the dog had left many behind , tidied the toys away, took all the present packaging out to the bins/recycling, wiped down surfaces and generally tidied up the kitchen and lounge.

We didn't use it as an excuse to get the bleach and marigolds out and give the house a deep clean, or start organising wardrobes, or scrubbing bathroom tiles ... we just did what was necessary to get the place back in a "normal" living condition and then all agreed we'd got the place back to normal and could call it a day, order pizza, open the wine and fight over what movie to watch.

Shadow666 · 10/09/2017 01:02

She sounds rude as hell. I wouldn't be inviting her back.

Titsywoo · 10/09/2017 00:57

Yeah she thinks your house is dirty

haveacupoftea · 10/09/2017 00:53

If your house was that mingjng no one would have came to the party in the first place. She must just like cleaning.

MrsOverTheRoad · 10/09/2017 00:50

I once cleaned my friend's house so well after an illicit party whilst his parents were away that his Mum KNEW he'd had a party! Grin

I went everywhere....trying to hide evidence. Turns out a lot of the "evidence" was the families normal mess! Grin

She forgave him the party because she got a free deep clean!

TitaniasCloset · 10/09/2017 00:46

Wow penny! Bit harsh.

In my family and circle of friends it's completely normal to help out with the cleaning when you stay at someone's house, to sit and do nothing would probably get a few raised eyebrows. It's just a female solidarity thing.

silverbell64 · 10/09/2017 00:45

So glad i don't know you then witch. But there again i wouldn't entertain your condescending attitude either.

IAmNotAWitch · 10/09/2017 00:42

I never argue when someone wants to clean my house.

When I was first married and we lived near my in-laws my MIL tried that passive aggressive cleaning/making comments thing. Didn't last long.

I really AM lazy and my thinking when someone cleans up after me regardless of why or what they say is: RESULT Grin

silverbell64 · 10/09/2017 00:41

Id go help her and stop slagging her off.

pennysnow · 10/09/2017 00:39

I mean, even if someone is doing something to help and assist you, it's still not acceptable for them to do it, if you have asked - or TOLD - them not to do it!