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Original poster

To ask my parents to move out ?

88 replies

mummymcphee · 07/06/2014 23:38

My parents offered to help me out with 2 days week childcare in return for board and lodging (they do buy some food).

My dad has been a big support to me since I escaped an abusive relationship whilst pregnant. He has helped with household chores and cooking and childcare where able since my DD was born. I work full time they are both retired.

My mum has been quite hostile towards me (including during DD's birth where she was absent for long stretches) and since moving in to my house she has set up a business and is out of the house at every opportunity, she told me she can't be the mother I wan't or need her to be and that she is unable to provide me with the emotional support I need and that she is keeping interaction with me to a minimum so she can survive the next year unscathed. Last weekend my parents went to visit my brother to ask him if they could move in with him. I was unaware this was their plan and my brother phoned me on wednesday to say my mum had said she had problems bonding with my daughter. Needless to say he didn't want them to move in.

When I talked to my mum about it today she just repeated... 'ididn't go behind your back' 'i don't need your love' and 'i can't be the mother you want me to be' and our relationship is 'irreparably damaged'. Our last heated discussion was when the dishwasher broke and I asked her about help to get it fixed. She ran upstairs to my dad and he came out defending her as he always does saying that I was lazy for not being prepared to wash the dishes as they have no money to help with repairs (it's their dishwasher and I was asking out of courtesy.) She denied today having said she hadn't bonded with my dd and said that it was our relationship that was permanently damaged.

Do I really have to live with this situation for the next year...they have been with me for two years now? I feel so lonely!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
mummymcphee · 08/06/2014 00:02

It all got more difficult about a year ago when DD had an accident a year ago when my dad was looking after she was 20 months at the time and she lost her front teeth. I had asked my mum not to leave her with him for more than an hour at a time due to problems with multi tasking.

DD needed surgery and I treated it as just an accident but was verbally attacked at the time for needing to be more responsible, being lazy, financially irresponsible and a bad mother...she was in their care!!! I didn't blame them but it was very much projected onto me. I responded by killing myself to keep the house and getting into more debt in order to fund extra childcare and do up the house.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 08/06/2014 00:00

Everything you say points to you wanting shot of them, what is it that's stopping you?

What exactly are they going to do? Surely it can't be any worse than having them right there abusing you in your own home?

If they start trying to turn it round on to you just keep banging on, your life and how you decide to live it is none of their business.

It's like they've got something on you compelling you to obey.

You don't have to.

PicandMinx · 08/06/2014 00:00
  • could earn an income
PicandMinx · 07/06/2014 23:58

Ask them to move out, into their own home, or with your brother. They are toxic.

If they look after your DD for 2 days a week and you work full-time, how do you manage for childcare the rest of the week?

Your Mother has a business and so she earn an income. Your Father may not have worked for 35 years but your parents must have survived somehow before they moved in with you.

halohalohalo · 07/06/2014 23:50

mummymcphee
and say how many parents would have moved in to help you under these circumstances

Ones who had no home/money of their own and thought they could play their daughter!

halohalohalo · 07/06/2014 23:48

This sounds horrific.

Why will it be another year of living together? What happens then?

I think I'd tell the two of them to go. Obviously don't know full situation but this isn't healthy for anyone.

Original poster
mummymcphee · 07/06/2014 23:48

they have rented their home out and just cover expenses. My dad has not worked for 35 years due to a breakdown so financially very low on funds.

I got no help with tax credits last year as I earned just over the threshold but will get free nursery hours in January.

It is toxic and stressful and I am starting to loose perspective. It's very difficult to talk to them as they start to critisise me and my life and say how many parents would have moved in to help you under these circumstances and how will you cope on your own

OP posts:
WaffleWiffle · 07/06/2014 23:47

Why can't your parents get their own place?

AgentZigzag · 07/06/2014 23:45

Of course you can ask (/tell, if needs be) them to move out.

Your mum treats you like shit, she might be telling the truth as she sees it, but there's no reason to be so nasty with it.

She doesn't want to be there and you don't want her there, tell her you're not doing it any more.

Your dad helping you out in the past doesn't mean you owe them anything, you sound miserable in a very uncomfortable situation, what's that doing to your DD?

Have you ever broached the subject of them pissing off?

Foodylicious · 07/06/2014 23:44

Not at all! You need to let them know that the current situation is clearly not working for any of you and they need to find a place of their own, that you are grateful for their (your dads) help, but think you would all have better relationships if you were not living together.

Can you organise child care without them?

BlackDaisies · 07/06/2014 23:43

I suppose it all hinges on how much you need them there and whether you can afford to live without them. You may be entitled to tax credits depending on the hours you work and your salary. I would seek advice, and if possible then ask them to leave, as it does sound a very stressful situation for you.

BrianTheMole · 07/06/2014 23:43

I think it would be fair to start talking to them about how they can move on. It doesn't sound good for anyone. Very toxic.

PicandMinx · 07/06/2014 23:42

What happened to their home?