To ask my parents to move out ?

Bogeyface I think they are very worried about their financial security and as they own their own home ( big mortgage ) there are limited benefits they are entitled to.

And that is why you are in control here. They just dont want you to realise that.

I need to man up and just tell them to go.
Yes, you do.

I am sorry to have to say this in such a way because I am not a "its just words on a screen" person, I realise that sometimes what I say may hurt someone. But I think you need to hear this.

They will never love you as you deserve to be loved. They will never respect you as you deserve to be respected. Nothing you do will ever be right, or enough.

They will never love you as much as they love themselves. They will never see your DD as anything but something to be manipulated to get their own way with you.

You need to come to terms with the fact that the love you give to your daughter will never be a love you receive from your parents. They are using you because it suits them. The healthiest thing you can do for you and your DD is to kick them out and cut them off. Complete no contact.

I am sorry xx

Ah I understand - yes, I think I might even have considered it under those circumstances too.

Oh goodness, what a horrible bunch of people you are related to! (Brother excepted, by the sounds of it).

Craving abusive parents' approval is very normal - but it's something you need to break free from. They are never going to give it (years of experience shows this to be true, you just feel like you can't ever give up, but you have to) so you might as well stop trying.

Your DD is very little at the moment, so they won't have started destroying her self-confidence and ability to form good relationships yet - but it won't be long. I can't believe that they managed to turn their own negligence back onto you after she was hurt, that's gobsmackingly appalling!

Please do throw them out forthwith, let them find rental accommodation since your mother seems to have a fairly thriving business - and then I'd consider going No Contact with them, for both your own and your DD's sake. She might love her grandad to bits now but how long is that going to last? And even if your parents do decide to love and know her, it won't be long before they start to poison her against you as well. They sound utterly toxic - your father too because he is enabling your mother - even weakness is toxic because it leaves you out in the cold.

(((hugs))) because it's so dismal - but truly you would be better off without their energy-sapping influence in your lives. xx

You're going to have to be strong mate and tell them. It will be truly horrible for a while but you have to stick to your guns. For your dd's sake. You can't imagine being in this situation for a year or two more. So don't be. You'll always get support here when things get tough.

I'm slightly bewildered as to why you let them move in in the first place if your relationship with your mother is so bad! I wouldn't have my mother in my home if she behaved like that to me, not under any circumstance.
When I split from my ex-fiancé (he left) she suggested I moved home again for a while - not a hope! And I got on with her a lot better than it sounds like you get on with yours.

Of course you can ask them to leave. They have their own home, they can always retrieve it from the tenants (with 2m notice), it's not YOUR responsibility to house them. They are making your life in your own home untenable. They have tried to move out to somewhere else so clearly they're not happy either - so you might just as well suggest that they go elsewhere sharpish, as the current arrangement isn't benefiting anyone as much as had been hoped.

I hesitate to ask because it doesn't really make any difference, but is there a cultural element to this? just the whole "being cut off by various family members" thing because you left an abusive partner - why on earth?

'I just pray I have a better relationship with my DD'

That's unlikely isn't it?

Are you really willing to risk testing the theory out on your DD?

Just thinking your options would be easier if you are renting.

Are you renting or buying yourself?

Awk OP, you say you had a relationship with an unsuitable man. Don't you realise that it was probably because of your feelings of unworthiness, due to the toxic relationship with your parents, that you got involved with this creep? You've had a shit childhood due to crappy parents, yet are still making excuses for them.

Get them out of your house and you will see your overheads come down, your self esteem increase and you'll be coming home to a happy house. You owe them nothing! They owe you respect! They sound like manipulative bullies and it will affect your daughter if you don't do something now. If your father truly loves your daughter he will maintain contact and if he doesn't then that says it all.

It's very difficult to talk to them as they start to critisise me and my life and say how many parents would have moved in to help you under these circumstances and how will you cope on your own

They need you more than you need them. Without you they would be homeless. Without them you would be...what? Slightly worse off? But much better off emotionally which would leave you in a much better place to deal with your finances.

Your DB doesnt want them because he can see how it is for you.

Give them notice. Yes they will kick off, call you ungrateful, tell people how vile you are etc. This is because they dont want to have to sort themselves out with money and somewhere to live. Far easier to keep your in your place and sponge off you. Add up what they cost in terms of utilities, food, laundry, time off work etc and take that off the extra cost of childcare. I rather suspect you wont be as badly off as you think. Think about it, at the moment you are feeding and paying utilities for 3 adults and one child. They leave and your food and utilities will drop dramatically.

To coin a phrase... "Go Compare"!

You can have a happy family with you and your daughter. That's your family.

They are not doing you an enormous favour by moving into your house and treating you badly. They have moved in for their own benefit. Not yours.

Your mum need a to get a proper job if your dad can't.

Your outgoings will be lower with just the two of you in the house. Especially as there will nobody in it durning the day.

At the weekends and in the evenings it will be you Nd your daughter. Your family. Doing things together, creating memories and generally having a good time.

Even if they were the most helpful and supportive parents you could think of, you'd still be totally within your rights to ask them to move out.

You're not a horrible person at all to want to do that, they've got you in a place where you're giving more weight to their opinions than they're entitled to.

You say you didn't blame them about your DDs accident, but you seem to be saying it was actually their fault (your mum ignoring you saying not to leave her with your dad for more than an hour, did he have her longer? and your dad not paying enough attention to your DD by multi tasking?)

That's a pretty big thing to get over, did they manipulate you into leaving your DD with your dad again?

Its not good for your dd to grow up in this environment. She's your family now. Time for a strong word and end date with your parents. It sounds intolerable.

So you've swapped an abusive partner for abusive parents? It's not you, it's them. Don't let them mess with your head.