To ask that if you don't work but your husband/partner does, do you get an allowance for clothes?

Every time I see threads like this I want to weep a little. You are at home looking after the children that you have together, so there should be no allowance. As a family, you earn a set amount. As a family, you have set expenses. And then, as a family you should agree with what to do with the rest.

Larval - that's actually very sad. I assume your DH has plenty of disposable income from whatever is left after paying bills which he keeps in his account? How is that a legitimate splitting of finances? You have had to save to have children but he doesn't?

I worked full time for 13 years but quit my job 2 years ago to relocate when I became pregnant. I still have some (modest) savings from when I worked. We have a joint account for food and bills and holidays etc which is where our CB and tax credits go. If I want to buy any clothes or pay for personal things eg dance classes, haircuts etc, it comes out of my savings. I've probably got enough to sustain this until I look for work again when DS is at school. That said, I only ever buy clothes from ebay or charity shops so it doesn't cost much at all!

I don't get an allowance but I'd quite like one, but currently theres no room for luxuries. I'd quite like some trousers that fit me since giving birth, but I have enough pairs of tights and dresses that fit to justify it. My role is managing our money and finding ways to save it. I quite enjoy the budgeting too.

At the moment we both work and pay equal amounts into one account for bills etc, have some joint savings, make big purhases for house etc, then keep the rest in personal accounts to either spend or save. This works now because we earn almost the same.

When I go on mat leave DH will pay bills etc and whatever is left (not much!) will be split between our accounts to be used in same way. I must admit, the idea of not earning my own money is a bit odd to me. I'd feel fine if its because I was looking after children or was struggling to find work, but would feel uncomfortable if I just chose not to work.

I prefer separate spending accounts because DH spends more than me day to day and this means I can save for bigger things and DH can spend without worrying about eating into my saved money for bigger purhases.

We've never had a joint account. DH pays a set sum into my account each month to cover housekeeping (not bills) and 'stuff'. If I want clothes, I buy them. If I go over the monthly amount (I use my credit cards for everything and my cc limits are higher than the monthly sum paid into my account, iyswim), I tell him and he transfers more money into my current account.

It works well for us- it's not that I'm being denied a joint account, I just never wanted one.

Part of the benefit of having a small amount of "my own" money is that if I want to save it up nobody else will spend it in the meantime!

No allowance. Nothing of the sort. Money, whoever earns it, goes into one pot and we spend it how we like, essentials, treats, nice to haves... Whatever.

We don't have to ask each other, but we trust each other to spend within our means, and with a healthy balance between family necessities and personal treats. In tougher times we have set ourselves strict budgets and agreed these together and fairly.

How very odd that some 'breadwinners' see the money as just theirs.

The money belongs to us both. Dh may go out to work to earn it but I earn it by being a sahm. We share all the money and I spend what I like on myself. I would never spend silly money or be careless with our account though.

When i was a SAHM we had two joint accounts. My DH transferred an amount from the main account - more a budget than an allowance - into the other one every month for me to use for grocery shopping, clothes etc for me and the kids. I asked for this as i liked having some money to look after and spend as i needed. If i needed any more there was never any problem.
I now work and the arrangement still stands - two joint accounts - i use one he uses the other. He earns loads more than me so pays for all the household stuff. I pay for clothes, kids allowances (one at uni), dog related stuff, haircuts, my petrol etc.
It works for us.

Last time I had an "allowance" I was 14... my mum gave it to me every weekend.

My DH and I have a shared account, the money that goes in there is ours regardless of who earns it or how much each contributes. At the moment I am studying full-time, so I don't earn. I buy whatever I want, and we discuss big expenses. If in the future it's me working and him not working, it would be exactly the same. I would not accept "allowances", nor would I make him ask for one if he was not working.

We do our budget then we split what's left and put it in each of our private accounts. That's our personal, do what we want with spends.

SAHM here.

All money is joint and we have an equal amount that goes into our personal accounts to spend on clothes or whatever else we want for ourselves.
Things like a suit for DH, or winter coats and boots for me come out of the joint account.

I have never considered that I can't spend our money just because it isn't my name on the payslip.

Does your husband set himself an allowance for clothes? If not, then why would you? Clothes are a necessity like any other personal expense - toiletries, haircuts etc. Most single-earner couples just have a joint account and manage expenses jointly.

If it's an issue, you could always set out a monthly budget for clothes for everyone - him, you and children - per month to resolve any nit-picking over what you spend.

I am currently on unpaid mat leave ( live overseas, so no money coming in) I buy what i want for me and the kids, assuming we an afford it. I just take dh's bank card whenever I need / want it.
He would never question my spending, i'd be pissed if he did.

Im not working at the moment and I know what you mean but you are saving a hell of a lot by not paying childcare if you think about it. Some ladies on here seem to pay £900 per month for the kids to be looked after so you definitely can pay yourself some money for clothes and makeup etc.

"Dh works and I don't. I have access to all money as it is in a joint account - we just buy what we like within reason, we never check with each other unless it is a massive purchase. Wrt clothes we buy what we need/like."

valiumredhead That's how it works here too. Except I buy DH's clothes and have to drag him kicking and screaming to the shops if he needs a new suit or shoes and has to try things on. He'll happily come shopping for clothes for me and the DDs, but really couldn't care less what he wears so long as he has enough formal shirts, ties and trousers for work. One working suit for important visitors and anything me and the DDS deem suitable weekend wear, except jeans which he hates.

I stopped bringing in money in January. I really struggled with not having any that's 'mine' to spend just how I want it, even though realistically even when I did most of it went on food and bills anyway (as does most of DPs income, there isn't much left at the end of the month). Eventually DP sat me down and said "look, I know you hate this, but please stop fretting over whether you can spend 'my' money. It's our money, we're both sensible about money, buy things you want, I'll do the same, it'll be fine."

And ever since, it has been. We both check in with the other if we're buying something costing more than £20 or so to make sure we can afford it, and it works. However, it only works because we have similar approaches to money, and neither of us spend more than we can afford. If one of us was a big spender and the other very stingy, or one or both of us had debts, I think I'd want us to divide what's left after bills equally and put it in separate accounts.

There's a psychological barrier there. You need to tell yourself it's ok, and reinforcement of that from your DP can help too like it did for me.

YABU

DH works, I don't.

I keep my finances separately from DH on paper as it's better for us not to have a financial connection, but I use his debit card to do the weekly shopping, and withdraw cash for myself whenever I need/want it. We don't budget strictly as we always have enough to pay for essentials and things we want - we tend to put a bit of what's left into savings and to overpay the mortgage.

DH would give me a large cash sum every week when we first got married, so I suppose that was a bit like an allowance, but he soon got bored of having to go to the cashpoint so I just do it myself now

The key here is that if you're a SAHM, you're both working. He wouldn't be able to do his job without you looking after his kids (he'd at least need childcare and most SAHMs of young children that I know do quite a bit more than childminder or nursery hours).

In our house any money coming in is one big pot. Doesn't really matter whose name it came in on. Then it gets spent on bills and sensible stuff. Then basically shared but we don't actually divvy it up as we both just spend what we need. Clothes etc I wouldn't dream of asking about unless it was something expensive and unnecessary - but then he'd do the same. Small luxuries also fine but I guess that depends on what your disposable income is? Whatever it is it should be equally shared.

I can never understand why people do it differently but I know it happens. I had a friend on maternity leave who used to say she owed her dh £50 etc for a tesco shop and I was just WTF? How much is he paying you for growing a human?

I used to when married, but only so he wouldn't be tutting over each and every purchase. Everything else was shared.

If you were working then you'd have nursery bills to pay. Round here that's around £40 a day. That's your contribution to the household's money if it helps you to look at it that way?

We also only had separate accounts before we had children and it took me a good while to get my head round it not being his money once I cut my hours.

We each draw out £50 on a Friday as fun money. I dont know or care what dh does with his nor does he with mine.

Nb, I work ft but when on MAt Leave wr still did the same.

Anything left after bills, food and fun money is saved.

You need to have a discussion and agree a household budget. You are working if you are at home looking after DC - if you were not there, your H would have to pay for childcare. So both of you are contributing to the family income and both of you are valuable and equal - the fact that you are not earning a wage outside the home does not mean that you are now his servant and he is your superior.

So the best way to do it is to work out, from the money that comes in every month, how much needs to be spent on rent/mortgage, how much on bills such as heating, travel, comms etc, how much on food for all of you, how much needs to be spent on DC in terms of school dinners, activities etc - and work out a reasonable sum to put aside for occasional expenses on them such as new school uniform when they grow out of the current one.

Then what's left is divided equally so that you both have a certain amount each month that you can spend on magazines, toys, couple of drinks with a mate, DVDs, new clothes that you don't need but really want, etc. Big purchases like new car, holiday, anything over a certain limit (depending on your household budget and income) has to be discussed.