What to do - 70yo dad irresponsible with money

No way would I be helping him! I’d be telling him very bluntly that it’s high time he learned to live within his means.

No don’t give him money he sounds like the type of person who just blows what he gets. It’s a mind set thing and at his age unlikely to change but I would try to him budget. Sit down with him and go through all his bills etc and then see what’s left over. £1,400 isn’t a lot really but decent if no car or mortgage. Electricity, mobile, tv licence, gym, food, council tax (if applicable) even if that came to £600 it means he’s spending around £200 a week not including his food bill.
He doesn’t need extra money does he. Unless he possibly has debts he’s still paying off and that’s why he doesn’t actually have much left?

Coming at this from the perspective of someone a bit older and with a slightly better monthly income, he first needs to check his outgoings for things like subscriptions he's forgotten and no longer uses. I have an Excel spreadsheet with spending split into categories and I update it every week so I can see what I'm spending where. Last month was really heavy on food shopping, for some reason.

He also needs to cut his current costs - there must be cheaper gyms and supermarkets are just as good for wine these days. I'll bet there are others when he comes to look at it he could do without. I mean, I'd like champagne to celebrate the weekend but realistically my income won't support that, it's a treat.

He is now struggling and having spent all that inheritance tells me he really needs an extra couple of hundred a month. The question is - do I help him?

No, you don't. Whether or not you can help him is irrelevant. A couple of hundred a month is £ 2,400 a year. That's a holiday. Multiply that by him living 20 years and you've blown a chunk on what could be going into your pension because dear dad can't be arsed to budget.

Help him sort his spending out by all means. Don't go down the route of subbing him because sooner or later that 'couple of hundred' will be three or four or five because why should he check his spending? he's got a safety net of DD (or DS, whichever it is).

Absolutely not. He just spunked away £80k!!!

Nope, I wouldn't be giving any of my hard earned money to 'fritter away' also. As you say he received money which would have kept him going for a long time but he didn't bother being sensible when he knew he could come crying to you. He will never learn if he isn't 'forced' to do better.

The problem is he is now trying to grift of his daughter.

OP, do not help him, people like him are a black hole, no momey you give him will ever be enough. If £80k wasn't enough then a few hundred a month certainly won't be.

No. He lost a marriage from this behaviour, he doesn’t get to draw down from the bank of You to compensate.
Get him to show you the direct debits.

Almost definitely not. But I might not tell him that straight away.

I’d probably offer to first sit down with him with the last 12 months of his bank statements to take a look at where he could budget better. If he runs for the hills then it would be an absolutely not, you’ve made your bed so lie in it.

If he seems willing, I’d look at his budget with him and offer to support him in changing his spending habits. Chances are if this is genuinely a bit of a cry for help and you support him practically/emotionally with it then you won’t need to top him up anyway.

If he's fit (gym membership?) can't he work for a couple of hundred a month?

I would help him get his affairs set up in a way that might help him 5o budget eg bills going out by DD at the start of the month, an account that lets him put his money for food etc into a different pot and so on so that he can clearly see what’s available for discretionary spending.

I wouldn’t give him any cash.

I would do nothing. It sounds like he has had lots of luxuries to me! No one really wants to budget but it is a necessity for most of us. Instinct says he will just burn through any extra money you give him

Speaking as someone roughly your father's age - you absolutely do not give him any money. I know someone in exactly your position and this hardworking self-made man ended up giving his father a job to give him some extra money. It was obviously just him being kind as this father was present on a job for us, and basically he did absolutely nothing (apart from drinking tea) while his son did all the work.

Your father has shown himself to be completely irresponsible and obviously doesn't take any advice (example - the solar panels) - it's actually a strange form of arrogance - he feels he deserves the best - well let him pay for it, not you. Don't give him a penny.

This as well. He needs to increase his incomings, reduce his outgoings or both

I wouldn't give him money but would help him budget if he'd be open to that. £1400 should be doable after mortgage/rent for a single person even with £100 gym membership. If you gave him £200 a month, what happens when costs rise or he gets used to that (£200 is easy to spend!) and needs "just a little more..."?

Sorry but I wouldn't be helping out in these circumstances. I wouldn't want to see it being frittered away!

I I could afford it I would help him but not with an extra £200 a month. If he knew that money was definitely coming into his account every month it would just disappear into a black hole along with the rest with him not knowing where it went
I would do things like buying a food shop near a date in the month his pension is running out. Buying him a warm winter coat ...that sort of thing. I would keep it random ...not a definite amount spent every month. That way he doesn't, in his head, see it as definite extra income so you are still encouraging him to keep within budget. Make it random amounts £50 this month £80 for a coat another month. Never more than one thing a month.
Also this way, if your own circumstances change and you can't afford to do this anymore he hasn't incorporated an extra amount into his regular budget that he would then use. 💐

then use at end should be then lose 😁

No, steer DDad70 into the care of a charity that offers budgeting for people who need to learn it.
Research and book him the appointmant.

Also suggest that he goes to the bank once a week and withdraws cash. They too can suggest education in budgeting. Dad could benefit from seeing where he spends his cash.

Involve yourself only enough to understand your father's financial set up and to help him not be scammed.

No! Definitely don’t help him! He had £80k and he’s spent it all. He could have lived off that as extra income for some years.

Suggest he ditches his gym membership and offer to help him look through his outgoings to see if he can make savings elsewhere.

He's 70 not 90. He can get a part time job.

My dad is the same. There is zero point helping him, he will fritter that too. You have to just take a step back and detach yourself. My dad will put everything he gets into a fruit machine so I don't give him any. I give him hampers for Christmas and help in other ways but not money.

Nope.

He's just wasted £80k on a few steps, buys expensive alcohol and coffee, has very few outgoings, and then asks you to pay for it.

Just no.

He currently has luxuries - gym membership (surely there's a cheaper one - AnytimeFitness here is £40pm), he could downgrade coffee and wine.

£80k is a good amount for setting himself up in a better position as he got older, as well as having a few treats.