What to do - 70yo dad irresponsible with money

I’d offer to sit down with him and look at his money coming in and out. Cancelling his gym membership would be the first step and any other subscriptions he has too. I’d give him some basic food to help him if he is struggling but I wouldn’t give him money. Is it work withdrawing him grocery money each month, dividing them into 4 separate envelopes to manage his food shop better? My dad is different as he has learning difficulties and this is what he did for years. Otherwise he would spend it all.

He will just blow the extra 200, then he'll need 400 extra, then 600 etc. Put him in tocuh with a debt charity (Stepchange or Payplan) or Citizens Advice but don't give him money.

Jesus wept, do not give him a single penny. I'd offer to help him go through his budget and look for savings, but as this is a way if life for him, he won't want that. I have a friend who's like this. I've tried to help in the past and now I just don't engage in conversations about it at all. The friend regularly takes money from the adult son to waste on nonsense.

Your DF is obviously bad with money as your DM divorced him over it and he has spent his inheritance. However, £1400 per month is really not a lot to live on.
Does he live in a house or flat? If he is in a house, gas/electricity and Council Tax could be £500 each month. Then water rates, TV licence, house insurance, phone, broadband, before he spends anything else.

Help him have an expensive gym membership and cases of fancy wine each month? Erm no thanks.

He spunked his inheritance so that's it. There is no more money. Not from family anyway.

Can't he work part time? Or at the very least stop his outrageous luxuries he seems to think are the day to day norm.

Don’t give him any money, but maybe offer to help him look at his finances. See if there are areas in which he could cut down on his spending.

80k would have been a couple of hundred extra per month for 33 years...

He has £1400 a month without rent or mortgage costs - many working people have less than that after they've paid their rent or mortgage. Not having that huge cost means he's not badly off. And he had £80k land in his lap not long ago and wasted it, so your £200 would go nowhere.

My FIL asked us for a lot of money a few years ago - it turned out he wanted to buy his new younger girlfriend a flat! We don't even own a property ourselves, for context, but he knew we had savings and thought we should give them to him if we weren't "using" them!

Some people have totally alien ideas about money.

I don't think telling him how to budget at this point will help either - he'll be insulted and won't do it - if he hasn't worked it out yet and doesn't have cognitive decline (so you don't need to step in due to loss of capacity) let him get on with it - he won't change, but you don't have to pour your money into the bottomless pit.

He shouldn't be paying much over the standing charge for electricity if he's splashed tens of thousands on full solar panels surely?

As he also paid for a new staircase he must be in a house - maybe he needs a lodger and a part time job to finance his fancy gym and wine..

That helps your dad because he wants to manage his money better but needed support to do so. This poster's dad doesn't want to manage his money - he wants to be subbed so he can keep up the lifestyle.

I wouldn't be surprised if he's got a girlfriend to whom he's given the impression that he's much better off than he is, and who he knows deep down will disappear if she sees him living frugally...

If someone refuses to budget, no amount of topping up can help. Ask me how I know.

If he needs money he can do equity release on his home though…presuming he owns it since he bought new stairs and solar panels.

Do you know for sure the inheritance is gone? Could some be in accounts somewhere and he has forgotten?

Is he mentally sound, is he getting worse, is it dementia, or just his way? If it is potential dementia then you could look into getting a Power of Attorney whilst he is still able to agree.

I would be seeing if you can sit down with him and work out where he can save money. 1400 with no car or housing costs should easily be enough to live on, even with coffees, but if he is paying debts or has things like the 100 gym then that’s more difficult.

Equity release could be an option though, but only if you can work out a way for him not to blow it, perhaps put it into an account in your name with a Direct Debit out to him each month for a couple of hundred so that it lasts.

There is no shame in having support to manage your money, yes he is an adult and should be able to do it himself, but often people leave their money with a family member to make it less accessible to them so that they don’t just dip into it here and there

Tell him to get a job!

Nope. No help.

He's had more than 50 years at least to get to grips with adulting. If he can't manage it at 70 then that's on him.

He was aware he was struggling, and he still decided that rather than using the 80k to fill the deficit in his budget he knows he has, he'd prefer to spunk it all and rely on his daughter to bridge the gap. Selfish behaviour.

No Dad, sorry. You had money and you chose how to spend it. Now you have to chose how to budget and what you can no longer afford. All your choices.

He is clearly financially illiterate. £80k invested in a good savings account would have given him around £3,000 a year in additional income, possibly more. I wouldn’t help long term, supermarket wines are usually around 20% cheaper than laithwaites and £100 gym membership is crazy, £50 a month would be more sensible.

It is a big nooooooooo from me

Nope! Please don’t tell me his suggestion was gambling related…

Suggest he gets a lodger? Some of my older friends have done this.

Posting as someone who has had her own run-in with debt in the past, so I've been the one not facing the numbers. What turned it around for me wasn't anyone handing me cash, it was finally sitting down and writing out every outgoing on a spreadsheet, however grim it looked. Money handed to me would just have kept the habits going a bit longer.

On your update, no, it doesn't change my view. If anything the fact he didn't ask is telling. He knows it is a lot to ask. And if his plan will lose him money, tell him that straight. It might be the kindest thing anyone says to him this month.

What I would offer instead is one sit-down with a few months of bank statements. Just once. If he won't show you the statements, that tells you everything about whether the help would be used properly. You have your own family to look after, and a three-year-old does not get cheaper. It is perfectly possible to love him and still say no.

You help him by sitting down with him and help him set a budget/ live within his means.

A lodger is a good idea if he has the space. Or is downsizing to free up equity an option? Any chance of him getting a part time job?

But his problem is a classic case of champagne tastes on a lemonade budget, plus an obvious tendency to blow any money that comes his way.

He could have spent 'just' £10/20k of the inheritance on immediate treats and saved the rest to supplement his income, the interest alone on £60k would have given him an extra £200 or so a month, without even touching the capital.