My partner Ryan, 25, and I welcomed our first baby, Aräia, just before Christmas. She was born four weeks and four days premature, which caused jaundice and lung problems, and she was in NICU for the first week so that her oxygen levels could be evened out. I stayed with her in hospital, but Ryan was only allowed to visit for a few hours a day which was so hard, especially over Christmas.
Aräia also had feeding issues as a result of her prematurity. Our biggest challenge has been that she struggles to latch on. Premature babies generally have a slower start with feeding as their sucking muscles aren’t fully formed.
When I first tried to breastfeed Aräia in hospital, I wasn’t sure what to do and the midwives didn’t really show me, which felt isolating. She would cluster feed at night and scream for hours as she couldn’t latch on. Fairly early on, I decided to combination feed using formula for night feeds to make sure she was getting enough food and to help me get some sleep because I was exhausted.
Then, when Aräia was two weeks old, she suddenly developed a rash all over her face. At first, I thought it was baby acne, but I noticed that it flared up after feeding. We took her to the GP, who diagnosed her with a Cow’s Milk Protein Allergy (CMPA) and prescribed us an omega-based formula. Thankfully, the rash cleared up. However, to carry on breastfeeding, I had to cut out dairy from my own diet.
Aräia usually has between 10 and 12 feeds in a 24-hour period. During the day, I don’t really follow a schedule – breastfeeding her and topping her up with formula. During the night, I use formula and try to follow a schedule, settling her by 11pm and then giving her a feed between 2am and 3am, then another one between 6am and 7am.
She drinks very quickly and struggles with reflux, which can make her cry and vomit and also makes her difficult to wind.
Two months after having a caesarean section, I feel that my body is still adjusting. I’m incredibly proud of what my body has achieved and the beautiful baby it has given me but, my goodness, does it look different! I’m covered in stretch marks, have leaky boobs and my back is always sore. It can all feel a bit draining and can affect your mental health.
Lockdown has been very challenging too. The previous lockdown last year – before having Aräia – never really affected me mentally because I was busy working in my local government administration job. But now I’m on maternity leave, this lockdown has taken its toll.
Ryan is currently doing his job from home – he works in local government too – but I haven’t been able to see the rest of my family and it’s been lonely. I’ve missed some of the things you expect to experience in early motherhood, like meeting up with family and mum friends and taking Aräia to baby swimming classes. The truth is that this has all affected my feeding journey, but I try to stay positive because I don’t want it to affect Aräia.
When Aräia was only a week old, I had a meltdown because I wasn’t sure how to deal with a crying baby or when to feed her. It was a learning curve that a new mum would usually be supported through, but I didn’t have that.
What’s the one thing that you think all feeding mums should know?
The one thing I would definitely want other mums to know is that it’s OK to cry. It’s OK to feel that things aren’t going right. Also, be prepared to have absolutely no time to yourself during the first eight to 10 weeks. Feeding will take up most of your day, especially if you’re breastfeeding as babies tend to cluster feed. And always have breast pads on you!
What products can you not live without?
Aräia struggled with soothers at first because normal-sized teats were too big for her mouth, But when we tried a MAM Soother, she instantly latched on. They’re the best fit for her mouth and we couldn’t live without them – I now have one set in every room. I also use MAM Anti-Colic Bottles as they’re the only bottles that don’t cause her severe reflux.
Disclaimer: This diary is an accurate representation of a week in the life of a real parent. All products linked to are products that have been used throughout the seven-day period. Mumsnet champions and supports breastfeeding and its benefits, but we also know that many mothers and parents on Mumsnet feed their babies in other ways, and we champion and support those parents too. Please see UNICEF and NHS guidelines on the benefits of breastfeeding, and NHS guidance on safe mixed feeding.
Day 1
8am: Aräia is awake after having a 4am and 7am feed. We’ve tried giving her a bath later at night to help settle her and also use a swaddle, which is helping to settle her. It’s an improvement on last week when she was up almost every hour for night feeds. As DP works full-time, I do most of the night feeds.
11am: She woke again at 10am and wasn’t happy. We’ve only recently started using a new, different formula, and although it’s been prescribed by the GP, I wonder if it’s causing her a bit of constipation. She cries as I’m prepping her bottle so I decide to offer her my breast until the formula is ready and that seems to calm her, but she still struggles to latch. She breastfeeds for 10 minutes before I change her over to the formula and she takes 120ml. She has a lot of wind afterwards, which is normal for her as she has reflux.
1pm: Aräia has another 120ml of formula. As usual, she’s restless and fights sleep. When she finally drops off, I do some cleaning, as well as washing up her morning bottle and prepping her next formula feed. Around this time of the day, tiredness usually hits me – caring for a newborn is hard.
4pm: As Aräia keeps stirring in her sleep, I don’t get a chance for a nap. It’s Ryan’s day off and I usually leave him to relax, but I’m so shattered that he offers to feed her. She only takes 90ml this time.
6pm: DP and I have dinner and Aräia has a feed. We’re all cuddled up watching a film – some family time is nice.
10pm: Aräia is bathed and has her last evening feed. She has 100ml and goes straight to sleep. DP falls asleep early as he has work tomorrow, but I’m overtired and can’t relax so I stay awake, waiting for the 1am feed.