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Did I over react ?

(40 Posts)
ifeelcraptonight Sat 13-May-17 11:12:15

Vague friend. Acquaintance more than friend. We are meeting today with a group of other friends to go for lunch.

I am 52 and female. He is 34 and male. Text convo.

He told me where we were meeting (I don't know the place we are going to) and I asked him where was the nearest place to park.

He told me - I said I knew where that was and could he tell me how far away the restaurant was.

He said best thing was to meet me and walk me as it was complicated to explain.

I said thanks I appreciate that.

And then he texted back.

Good girl.

I have gone postal on his ass and ripped him a new one calling him out on infantilising me and paternalistic and patriarchy central.

Did I over react ?

ifeelcraptonight Sat 13-May-17 11:15:23

By the way. I'm leaving shortly to meet them for lunch so I might be slow to reply but I will come back to the thread - I won't post and run.

NotTheBelleoftheBall Sat 13-May-17 11:18:37

If someone called me a 'good girl' I'd mark them down in my head as a bit of a twat, and I'd remember it (irrespective of how lovely they were), but I probably wouldn't go postal on their ass.

NotTheBelleoftheBall Sat 13-May-17 11:20:04

But I am a bit of a 'waiter and hater' rather than being immediacy firey.

JigglyTuff Sat 13-May-17 11:20:51

That would really, really piss me off too

LedaP Sat 13-May-17 11:25:11

Unless he has form for being a twat, i woild have politely told him not to call me that and given the reasons.

I dont see tge need to go 'postal on his ass' and 'rip him a new one' .

Lunch is going to be awkward and he would have probably listened and taken it more if you had been calm and polite about it.

ifeelcraptonight Sat 13-May-17 11:26:26

He has form for being an arrogant twat. He's full of himself.

LedaP Sat 13-May-17 11:27:59

Then i wouldnt ever put myself in a position where i needed him to help me out.

He has probabtly text that to get that exact reaction out of you.

PhoenixJasmine Sat 13-May-17 11:30:02

No he was incredibly rude. 'Good girl?' FFS. You are a woman and one quite literally old enough to be his mother at that, and what, he's saying you're behaving yourself by dutifully doing as you're told, allowing him to polish his shining armour by helping the damsel in distress who wouldn't be able to get her lady brain around complicated directions!?

In the right frame of mind I would also have gone postal. Best result would be a clear factual explanation of why his attitude stinks though, delivered calmly and with a smile so he can't accuse you of being hysterical.

But bloody hell get on google maps and work the directions out for yourself grin

ifeelcraptonight Sat 13-May-17 11:32:03

Oh I have set the bar nav up.

To be clear. If he wasn't a friend of a friend I wouldn't be socialising with him. Someone else invited him today not me.

MariposaNieve Sat 13-May-17 11:36:01

It does infantile you, no doubt about that.

I also don't like the implication that you would have been a "bad girl" if you didn't want to meet with him and let him walk you etc.

Also, it just doesn't make sense. It's such an odd reply. 'Good girl for agreeing with me'.
'Good' would have been fine, as the implications is the agreed situation is good. Adding girl makes it seem like your agreement to him was good.

Also, I know he didn't mean that it was 'too complicated' to explain to you because you're a woman (directions are hard on text, I can't even give them verbally most of the time when out and someone asks), but couple that statement with the 'good girl' and it changes the tone of it.

I probably wouldn't have made a huge deal out of it. Perhaps I would have asked him not to call me 'girl' and not told him his reply was rather patronising. I would probably just keep an eye on him when you're out, see if he gives off anymore slips like that.

Save up all the slips... Unleash the beast later. That's what I do in life anyway. Not healthy though.

DJBaggySmalls Sat 13-May-17 11:45:36

He withheld information for no reason and rewarded you for compliant behaviour. I'd be extremely concerned about any female partner and children.

Tell him about Google Maps, and how you can get a route postcode to postcode.

VerySadInside Sat 13-May-17 11:48:15

I think on its own that's fine and you over reacted. I say good boy to my boss, he's 30 years older than me. It's just a jokey phrase not sexist unless in specific context surely?

JigglyTuff Sat 13-May-17 11:49:37

Really VerySmall? You say good boy to your boss? The only creature I use that kind of language on is my pets

VerySadInside Sat 13-May-17 11:50:23

He withheld information for no reason and rewarded you for compliant behaviour. I'd be extremely concerned about any female partner and children.

Are you actually being serious? He probably just couldn't be arsed to text complicated directions. She was being lazy herself by not just googling the directions!

ifeelcraptonight Sat 13-May-17 11:50:27

He is arrogant and condescending in general. Strangely he doesn't have a girlfriend.

ifeelcraptonight Sat 13-May-17 11:52:20

I didn't ask him for directions. I asked him was the car park far from the restaurant.

EBearhug Sat 13-May-17 11:52:21

I would be deeply unimpressed with someone saying "good girl" to me, too. Exactly how I would react would depend on the person, my relationship with them, whether I acted about maintaining that relationship and probably whether I was already pissed off about patriarchy because of having been at work all day.

VerySadInside Sat 13-May-17 11:52:32

Yes jiggly, we have a friendly jokey relationship. Lots of teasing, me saying he need Botox and him telling me I need more make up. He's a very lovely boss and bends over backwards for all employees.

ifeelcraptonight Sat 13-May-17 11:56:25

Fwiw my sat nav says there are loads of car parks closer than the one he suggested. I'm going to use them.

powershowerforanhour Sat 13-May-17 12:12:04

If he starts making jokes about menopausal rage, just say, "Nope I just don't like being patronised, especially by someone who was still shitting their nappy when I was going out to work" or, if too rude for the assembled company " someone 18 years my junior".

LassWiTheDelicateAir Sat 13-May-17 12:16:33

He withheld information for no reason and rewarded you for compliant behaviour. I'd be extremely concerned about any female partner and children

Tell him about Google Maps, and how you can get a route postcode to postcode

That is a complete overreaction to his not providing directions by text.

As for Google maps and postcodes using that to get to my office will take someone to a place which Google maps is convinced is correct but due to the combination of different street levels, dual carriageways and underpasses is completely wrong.

Or , as I found out visiting a friend's daughter and new baby for the first time recently Google maps failed miserably with a development of flats with an unconventional lay out.

MariposaNieve Sat 13-May-17 13:52:43


You have an established relationship with your boss where this type of joke is fine. OP does not.

Would you say the same to acquaintances?

VerySadInside Sat 13-May-17 15:33:42


I suppose not but equally I wouldn't get super angry if an acquaintance texted it to me. Text is hard to understand tone, especially if you don't know someone that well and people have odd text habits. In person it's a different situation as you can see how they mean it.

NoLoveofMine Sat 13-May-17 15:42:42

Any boy or man who said that to me would get short shrift. The only one who's ever got away with something similar was my dad (and that was "that's my girl" a few years ago). It wouldn't even be tolerated from him now, let alone a friend/acquaintance. Him being a fair bit younger compounds it.

You definitely didn't overreact.

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