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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

DH is 'glad' of verdict

268 replies

HexBramble · 15/10/2016 17:04

I'm sickened tbh.
He announced this morning that he is happy and glad that justice has been served and will not listen to reason.
We have 3 daughters.

OP posts:

Report

HexBramble · 15/10/2016 17:06

Don't even know why I'm posting. This case has dominated my thoughts and for someone so close to me so have such abhorrent view....

I'm feeling really off-balance.

OP posts:

tribpot · 15/10/2016 17:10

What does he say when you ask how he would feel if it was one of your dds?

Gowgirl · 15/10/2016 17:15

My dh husband hadn't been following, he thought it was a case of change mind call rape, he hs been put right and is now pretty disgusted with the whole thing.

HexBramble · 15/10/2016 17:17

He doesn't even let me get that far.

I've asked him to actually read up on this case before casting an opinion and he replies "How do you know I already haven't?!"

"You'll only be happy until I agree with you" is another comment I've had.

OP posts:

Soubriquet · 15/10/2016 17:18

Drop it

Hard as it is. He won't change his mind and it could ruin your marriage

FourToTheFloor · 15/10/2016 17:19

The fact you have dd and your dh still thinks this way would upset me too. We have 2 dd and I'm constantly pointing stuff out to dh. He gets upset and says stop talking like that about dd1/2 but l say that woman is someone's dd too! (Not about this, just general over sexualisation of woman in general)

Sunshineonacloudyday · 15/10/2016 17:21

My dp came out with a few reasons why he didn't do it. Try and ask him why without getting emotional because then he won't want to talk to you.

OurBlanche · 15/10/2016 17:22

Mine won't even read the details... he just knows that no decent man would have acted as either footballer did that night... or as the men who stepped forward to tell their tales did!

In law CE may have found a technicality (that shames us as a society) but in real life, he is still a low life scum bag and the FA needs to make a statement about appearances... sack a manager because he looked like he was taking a bribe... but still allow a player to play when he was a convicted rapist! OK, that'll be for the good of the game!

And DH doesn't follow football!

exLtEveDallas · 15/10/2016 17:22

I thank Christ my DH is in full agreement with me. I just couldn't be with him if he wasn't - he has 2 daughters.

I'm sorry OP, this sort of thing really would be a deal breaker for me, you must feel terrible.

midcenturymodern · 15/10/2016 17:24

If someone tells you who they are, believe them.

What does he say when you ask how he would feel if it was one of your dds

I think there is a type of person who believes it never will be their dd (or wife or themselves). There are 'their' women, who are virtuous and sensible and would never get themselves into that sort of situation where they were drunk and asking for it. Then there are the 'other' women, who are basically sluts out to ruin good men. The idea that their women could actually be raped is an alien concept.

Shiningexample · 15/10/2016 17:25

He doesn't even let me get that far
thats very telling, suspect that at some level he knows that if he reflected on the issues he'd experience a large amount of cognitive dissonance
I think he's just going with his knee jerk reaction of wanting to laud someone who he see's as an alpha male

he cant even bear to think about how he'd feel if this happened to his daughter=he knows you are right

Sunshineonacloudyday · 15/10/2016 17:26

He has been found not guilty of rape he has lost 2 1/2 years of his life for something he didn't do. You have to put it into perspective.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 15/10/2016 17:27

Was the friend who was with CE convicted of rape or was it just him.

Soubriquet · 15/10/2016 17:28

Fwiw my Dh hasn't read up on it either

When I read him the facts, he shook his head and said "men are disgusting pigs"'

GrouchyKiwi · 15/10/2016 17:28

My DH is a solicitor so is a bit more cautious about the case because he hasn't yet read the judgements. He does agree, though, that it all sounds really off from what has been reported in the media.

HexBramble · 15/10/2016 17:30

I almost agree with the PP who advised drop it.

I think it could very well spell bad things for this marriage - I'm truly sickened inside. I can't elaborate why, I just am.

OP posts:

AyeAmarok · 15/10/2016 17:32

He has been found not guilty of rape he has lost 2 1/2 years of his life for something he didn't do. You have to put it into perspective.

You could think of it that way.

Personally, I'm pretty pleased that he lost two and a half years of his life for treating someone the way he did.

The fact that he managed to convince a jury second time round that there was reasonable doubt that he intentionally raped her is a sign of a fucked up society and legal system. Not that he's innocent of any wrongdoing.

Shiningexample · 15/10/2016 17:35

I can't elaborate why, I just am
perhaps there are other issues/incidents which have made you uncomfortable and this latest thing has made you start to 'join the dots'?

HexBramble · 15/10/2016 17:36

DH is a big footie fan and would clap hard if CE played on his turf and would probably smirk if someone's
Name was chanted. He's told me that. This isn't the man I thought I'd married

OP posts:

HexBramble · 15/10/2016 17:37

Yes Shining.

Your post has given me a true lightbulb moment.

God.

OP posts:

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 15/10/2016 17:39

My DH is disgusted by the verdict but then he is an experienced prosecutor of rape and sexual offences.
Perhaps if you tell your dh that he'll change his mind. Sounds like the sort of person who needs to hear something from a man before giving it credibility.

CalmItKermitt · 15/10/2016 17:42

Sympathies OP. That must have really shaken you.

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MoreKopparbergthanKrug · 15/10/2016 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Soubriquet · 15/10/2016 17:43

I know I said move past it earlier but the fact he said he would sit there smirking to hear her name being changed would cause me to lose all respect for him

Marbleheadjohnson · 15/10/2016 17:43

I could not share my life with someone who could not appreciate the reason why lifelong anonymity for complainants in sexual assault cases is necessary.

Nor could I share it with someone who would think that the complainant deserves public humiliation when they didn't even make a complaint, so absolutely none of this is of their doing. Chant "the CPS are twats" if you feel so strongly about this case. But chanting the complainant's name just suggests you're more interested in displaying your contempt for women rather than a pursuit of justice. That, or you're monumentally thick.

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