MIC nouvelle série!

[SheWoreBlueVelvet]

We seem to have gone very French in Chelsea.

Thought that was a great first episode. Why has no one started a thread yet?

[elephantmarch]

Loved it. That was a very funny scene with Freddie and miles. Shocked by Jamie. That boy is loose!

[NumbersStation]

Can I join your thread please @SheWoreBlueVelvet ?

I can’t be arsed with the constant blog references and sycophantic pish on the other thread any more

Ironic really as it is clearly set up by a production assistant or cast relative. Probably frightened that their cash cow has been overmilked and is now squeezing out cheese. Trying too hard.

Anyhoo.

Not a surprise that biscuits has already been dunking.

Not surprised to see that Maeva has been spreading her joie de vivres.

Was surprised to hear that Digby had a redeeming feature. Even if it is stretchy digby.

Disappointed that I can smell Sameh lurking. Had hoped he’d gone for good.

The only decent folk seem to be fiveheid and Amelia.

The rest seem to be away teaching Frau Arschloch snake. She’ll be fluent in two minutes.

[SheWoreBlueVelvet]

I’d be delighted if you joined this thread Numbers.

You are MIC critic par excellence!

I get lost in the pages of old stuff. I think Maeva has earned them the right to a new thread -loving her work.
I like the contrast between MIC and TOWIE. Although the behaviour of both groups is pretty much identical, one lot go in for drama, tears and tantrums and the other for icy stares, sneers and sartorial shrugs.

[NumbersStation]

Thank you so much velvet

I promise to play nice.

I think that despite being a harpy of gargantuan proportions, Maeva is capable of bringing in viewers. I also can’t help but think she is old enough to remember standing in the crowd when Prince Charles got married.

The comparison of towie and mic is interesting. There are indeed similarities and glaring differences.

Talking of similarities, I would bet La Sims was about 10ft away from Maeva at that royal wedding. By the jellied eel stand. Wearing C & A.

Aye. And the difference? Maeva had a Tupperware pot of snails.

[NumbersStation]

And I do mean 1981.

Naturellement.

[NumbersStation]

Lessons in flirting? Wonder if they’ve been told to stick to a script?

Biscuits. Run your fingers through both of my luxuriant patches of thatch. Just don’t tell anyone. It’ll be fine.

LaHarpy. Run your fingers through my oil soaked thatch. Not fussy if you are Miles or James. Don’t be touching my wattle. Or my scraggy pasta. And don’t be taking out my pony tail as my chin will be on my knees. Otherwise allez allez.

Liv. I am Terry Thomas in a frock. Flirt? No. Just get it there little stretchy Digby. Dinglydangly dong.

Habbs. Yay. I would like your massive level of respect right in there. Yay! Then please go and hang out with someone else then meet my dad. Yay.

Mytt. Walk my plank before my quiff drops and knocks you out.

Verity. Happy for you to put it there. My mouth is zipped tight though. One because I’m sitting on a secret. Two, because there isn’t room in there for owt else because I’ve three times as much teeth as I need.

Rosi. Don’t need to flirt. I’m popping out signals. I‘ll give all my mates the opportunity to hang on tight to their partners. And then if I don’t get my way I’ll tell the world. And boil all your hairs. Not your rabbits.

Frau. Teach me how to speak snake to your snake

Fiveheids. Roll up roll up. I also have five of something else...

Miles. I am the only one. I am your first choice. So fuck me while I fuck with your head. Then I’ll swim in my own pool of smug.


In the name of all that is holesholy, can these folks not have normal relationships or keep it in their drawers?

Habbs you deserve better. Now go on. Admit it. You put a banana skin on the Strictly set....

[jay55]

What happened on the old thread?

I'm loving Maeva's none of your business, work.
And Sophie oh it won't last comment on Jamie and Habbs before the reveal, those two need scenes together.

[Owlsintowels]

I need to watch this week's episode immediately. It might take priority over some sewing I also need to do.
V glad noone had posted spoilers yet, though I'm tempted to assume the lack of action on this thread is due to a borefest

Anyone else started watching series 1 again? I'm tempted but it would feel like officially giving up in life. If only I were due another mat leave, perfect excuse

[NumbersStation]

Eeeeee. I may have flirted as close to spoilers as was possible owls

Sorry about that

I may point out you are as well to try to find a bit of excitement in your sewing. You'll be hard pressed to find some in this episode

Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep darning!

[Owlsintowels]

Haha the episodes all smush into one so much these days that pocky after watching ep2 did I notice the most minor of minor spoliers

Jamie was an utter toad wasn't he? Completely refusing to take responsibility for his actions. 'I'm sorry this happened'! How about 'I'm sorry I was such a subhuman specimen that I had sex with one of the other cast members on the same day I had sex with you, and sorry I clouded the beginning of our relationship with sex with someone else'??
His refusal to admit what he did out loud even to himself, instead casting it as an unfortunate thing which passively happened, is truly eye opening

[NumbersStation]

Couldn't agree more owls

Bad enough treating a one night stand like that but Habbs was his friend and his lass. Meeting her dad on the same day as shagging Rosi is sub human. How could Rosi have done that? Sh lost hr dignity, hr grac and hr drawrs bcaus he knw fin wll about Habbs.. Not nic.

I was half expecting biscuits to turn round and say 'sorry but she fell on my cock and I couldn't get her off'. No taking personal responsibility for being a disgraceful arse.

You can get off with anything if you're minted I suppose. Looks, personality and charm aren't there so it must be money that is the attraction.

If he'd been around in the 1800s his knob would have rotted off.

I wonder if his sweeties are laced with penicillin. They ought to be.

[SheWoreBlueVelvet]

Liv. I am Terry Thomas in a frock. Spot on!

Maeva’s storyline is fabulous. Very Dangerous Liasions.I have no idea which of them genuinely fancies the other now.
Can’t wait to see James’s stupid face crushed under her calfskin boot, as she stalks all over it, back to Miles.
Why James thinks he’s genuinely a player when even Jamie, the Bilbo Baggins of Chelsea, has slept with all of them is beyond me.

I really like Rosi’s pale blue top with pink sequin circles in the last scene.I only half listen to the programme as a I am too busy working out exactly how many pounds they lose between series.

[SheWoreBlueVelvet]

Quelled surprise! Shortest break up in Chelsea history.

Loving aggie Maeva. She makes having a slanging match sound completely charming. Ironic that she was being “ interviewed” about feminism and the social media when her opening scenes are underwear shots on a reality TV show,
Being the progressive female she is, she says she can do it “ because she is young”. Not met the Bently’s then...bet Liv’s mum would happily do a bit underwear modelling actually,

[NumbersStation]

Je suis clearly living in a different world.

I can't believe that biscuits had the ruddy cheek to blame habbs for his indiscretions. Really? Poor little lamb.

Meanwhile back in the real world, it is merely a facking liberty.

And as for liv engineering a meet? And persuading habbs to give him another chance? Speechless.

Little 12 year old Melissa was the only bugger speaking sense.

As long as the rest of these bloody women accept this kind of pish, the bois will feel the need (and will have been given the green light) to pork everything in sight. Jesus.

Speaking of pork, Maeva is hamming it up a bit much, non? Taking her role of head harpy a leeetle bit too seriously perhaps.

In contrast, Rosi brok down but not one ruddy tar run down hr fac

Frau arschloch is now fraucuhnt. What a mean spirited cow. Even I’m not that bad.

What with her and mademoisselle cuintte it would seem there is no longer Bolly flowing through the veins of SW3 but battery acid.



My favourite bit this week was sticky Vicky’s contouring. Didn’t looked chiselled. She looked as though she had sideburns worthy of that bloke in Shaft. Canyoudigitcanyoudigitcanyoudigit?

I’m unsure how come James is managing to kiss fiveheid’s mate next week. They keep pushing him as Uber lothario for some reason. I can’t for the life of me think why.

Most people round here would rather have a hefty dose of crabs. I can only imagine that folk who are in that circle aren’t quite as discerning...

I’m bracing myself for the return of Sameh. Bit rich of him to lecture biscuits on morals and personality and fidelity I feel. He was juggling girls on his fingers like he was handling a 10 pin bowling ball.

Rest assured my loves, I will not be poncing about in big drawers and a support bra worthy of restraining two spacehoppers in my local Markies any time soon. Apparently that is the remit of the young.

And I’m a old bint that channels Les Dawson (rest his wee soul) so I shall just slip on my winceyette and waft about Tesco instead.

Exhibitionism at its very best.

[elephantmarch]

Am I really easily conned ? Am I the only person during the whole Jamie and habbs will they won’t they phase to think they hadn’t even kissed yet, let alone slept together??? If they were bonking every night surely they were together...

[NumbersStation]

What the chuff is going on with all the voluminous heads of hair on the boys? Lil Sameh looks particularly ridiculous.

Maeva certainly shot down James’s uberlothario status right in the bullseye. Or the other eye. You know the one. Bedroom? Getting better? That just isn’t bigging him up at all. If I had a little man that kind of statement would render me floppy.

And then for him to go snogging someone else! Hilaire. That’ll be Harpy schlepping back to Miles then.

Just because James didn’t boff the random doesn’t mean that he didn’t cross a line. I can’t believe that would be ok in Maeva’s world.

And not on that they are both blaming fiveheid.


Think Sameh may have new teef or summat as he has gone awful lithpy suddenly.

I’m not sure why Sameh is so upset. He was as bad as biscuits. And Sameh has another missus so what’s his beef?

Melissa is spot on in her judgement and has Habbs’s best interests at heart.

And we do know that Habbs dipped back into the biscuit tin as she was with him at Strictly. Sigh.

Eeee fuck this was dull. I should have just done the ironing.

[SheWoreBlueVelvet]

Have been away so watched on catch up.

Literally all I could take from this episode was “thin”.
I was so amazed by how tiny they are in gym wear that I couldn’t focus on the plot at all. Habbs ‘s face is completely different to last season.

Sameh on the other hand seems to have er...filled out. Maybe it’s the teeth and beard. Not lost the annoying habit of being “ angry” but then looking up wistfully and lamenting during every sodding conversation with anyone. You’re fine mate, honestly. I seriously hate to think how he deal with an actually crisis (rather than just being dumped months ago).

[NumbersStation]

@SheWoreBlueVelvet

I have no real idea what they said in the gym until Maeva questioned m’laddo’s prowess in the nest.

The lass next to her? I thought that was the lass who went out with miles and Maeva had a pop at her teeth and hair? Probably not but she looks familiar.


But yes, I have never ever been that petite. I probably was chunkier at 2

There isn’t enough Lycra in the world to cover this arse.

Pensive Sameh does my wheatgrass in. All Lady Di Doe eyes.

Pack it in.

[SheWoreBlueVelvet]

Go Liv. Like a younger, more relevant version of Meghan Markle. Nice to see her look genuinely happy rather than her resting face of “a bit smug”.
James, James,James..you are a complete bellend. No one cares that you “could” fall in love. She is way hotter than you deserve especially since the consensus is you are a bit shit in the sack. And your girlfriend would ditch you in a second if she didn’t have to remain in the love triangle until the end of the series

.

[NumbersStation]

My burning question is how long can this contrived pish go on?

Miles fecking with Harpy’s heid is unpleasant to watch.

I was pulling the same faces as fiveheid during James’s phone conversation.

Sameh looks like one of the pub fishermen in the mighty boosh’s legend of old gregg.

Biscuit and the bois chortling over the girl taking him back? Onanists.

It is all so very dull.

[NumbersStation]

Jeezo.

Just go back to Miles and feck him Harpy.

You are not convincing yourself it is over. You are not convincing us.

And if you stay with that hole James, you will either be at the clinic every week or will need a penis beaker and shares in zoflora.

Duuuuuuuuuuull.

[tiggertogger]

I just lurk on this thread to read @NumbersStation commentary. Hilarious! Thank you for the giggles 🤣

[NumbersStation]

@tiggertogger

Thank you. I’m afraid I haven’t had much inspiration the last few weeks. I’m losing my acid tongue.

I’m wondering how James is going to explain bunking up with verity next week.

Something along the lines of I was half asleep and thought it was you? The quilt flapped up in the breeze and the distortion in the air made me fall into her bed? Jury’s out whether or not his knob fell into her as well.

I reckon harpy’s got a guillotine in her handbag. A knob sized one.

If she hasn’t then she should.

Or she could whittle ‘it’ down with sandpaper and shove her promise ring on it.

[SheWoreBlueVelvet]

TV would be a smaller screen without you NumbersStation

Mavis has fantastic eyes. Shame she uses them for a dramatic blubbing whenever she’s with Miles. Literally any excuse. How anyone can think him giving back jewellery means anything other than “ move on” is beyond me.
I get the feeling James might need the promise ring on his asset to help with proceedings.

[NumbersStation]

Thank you @SheWoreBlueVelvet
You may well be in the minority!

It might be as well that she is a dainty wee soul. Her promise Ring could help proceedings by being a snug fit.

I have not been blessed with slender and dainty paws and could probably give a hoofing great builder a matching handshake.

If James was looking for assistance from my rings, he’d be disappointed.

It would be like trying to fit a tractor wheel round a pencil ...

He would probably be bloody delighted with my grip though.

That said, I think I’d rather be stroking a wasps nest than little James.

By the look of Maeva’s face when she is around James, so would she...